Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't hate me! Help me fix it.

104 replies

Veganvibes · 15/09/2018 18:39

I know this won't be popular but I need advice.
I've been sleeping with a married colleauge for the past 2 weeks. We were both clear it was just sex but he has become very attached very quickly and constantly wants to talk about where we are and how we feel. Although he's never talked about leaving his family I can't help but feel this is where its heading.
I don't want this at all.
We still need to work together in a highly corporate environment so I need some advice on how to stop this before it goes any further.

I am fully aware it's wrong too so please save yourself some time if all you want to do is bash me.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/09/2018 12:42

We work very closely together and I don't want any repercussions

That well hung stallion has bolted, m'dear

YeTalkShiteHen · 16/09/2018 12:43

AnyFucker Grin

Notacluewhatthisis · 16/09/2018 12:47

If you didn't want repucussions, you should have shagged him. That was the time to think about it.

Bet people at work have already guessed anyway.

What you have to do now is deal with the consequences of your actions. There maybe no getting out of this without some sort of damage. But as adult, we should accept that our actions have consquences.

chickedychicked · 16/09/2018 12:48

so glad I don't know you in real life. Disgusting

Kennycalmit · 16/09/2018 12:57

It baffles me how so many posters don’t read the full thread. The OP doesn’t want him to leave his wife! So you’re wasting your time insulting her for wanting that when she doesn’t

OP I doubt there’ll be repercussions. What you do and who you sleep with in your personal life has nothing to do with work. Maybe if you’d been shagging in the office then yeah, but as long as it’s outside of work I don’t know repercussions you’re worried about?

I doubt he’s going to say anything if you end it. He won’t want his wife to know, and if your workplace looks down on office relationships then he’ll be putting his own career at risk as much as yours. It’s not illegal to sleep with someone you work with, they can’t sack you for it as long as you keep it private and not having sex on your desk

He has more to lose here than you.

I don’t agree with what you’ve done at all but I’m not going to give you a bashing for it. He’s the one who’s married not you. You need to be honest and tell him it’s over completely.

POAlockdown · 16/09/2018 13:03

Just tell him the truth. It was all knicker- removing exciting when he was married but that was the thrill for you..

Starlive23 · 16/09/2018 13:08

I think you might already be beyond 'any repercussions' but all I can say is nip it in the bud and hope for the best. I have a feeling it will always impact your work life through.

I had a similar situation (although we were both single, so no affair,) but it was so awkward after I finished it I ended up looking for a new job!

I think the saying is 'don't shit on your own doorstep!'

Zoflorabore · 16/09/2018 13:22

What I sense here op is the thrill of it all was what you liked and now you have it you don't actually want it.

His wife will probably already be on here somewhere with suspicions about how her dh is working late every night including Saturday and how she's not stupid, she knows the signs, has probably seen gene before.

You are playing with fire. If you really want to end it then nobody on here can help you with that. I'm not sure why you posted to be honest.

PinkHeart5914 · 16/09/2018 13:28

If you don’t want to drop your knickers for a married man then don’t Confused it’s really that simple!

Your aware it’s wrong yet your happy to bounce on his cock, so yeah clearly you know it’s wrong

Maybe it was just sex to you but I doubt his wife would see it that way, you know what they say about karma hopefully yours won’t be far away.....

Chiffon · 16/09/2018 14:33

Anyone else once to get the boot in?

PlinkPlink · 16/09/2018 14:36

Yeah I saw that @YeTalkShiteHen , not admonishing you Grin

I don't agree with it but the reality is that it happens.

I think everyone has been guilty of doing something that wasn't right (morally or otherwise) at some point in their lives.

rageymcrageface · 16/09/2018 14:37

@Chiffon Why would you bump the OP's thread with that question?? Hmm

YeTalkShiteHen · 16/09/2018 14:37

PlinkPlink sorry Blush

Oh aye, I say a lot “if we were all judged by the worst mistake we’d ever made, we’d never leave the house!”

madcatladyforever · 16/09/2018 14:39

Plenty of single men on tinder.

Chiffon · 16/09/2018 15:15

He shouldn't be making himself available if he's married. The OP is single. The fault lies with him.

YeTalkShiteHen · 16/09/2018 15:17

More fault lies with him, yes. But OP is responsible for her own part in this shitshow.

Chiffon · 16/09/2018 15:22

When I was about 23, I had an affair (well he had an affair), with a married man. I was single. He pursued me not with 'my marriage is shit' but with 'I love my wife and will not leave her but we don't have sex anymore'. He was 40 at the time. I finally succumbed and we met for about a month. He was lovely and we had interesting conversations. I had not interest in him ending his marriage and he had no interest in leaving his marriage so I just found someone else after a while. Shit happens. I don't agree with abusing someone online though for the choices they are making at the moment. She's asking for advice. There is probably a spark but there are so many complications it's a head wreck. She should be able to post without being attacked.

Thinkingofausername1 · 16/09/2018 15:29

Mmm. It seems to me that because you work in a 'corporate ' setting you have the right to shag married men. You've created the hole, I'm sure you're clever enough to get out of it!

Chiffon · 16/09/2018 15:53

Wtf are you on about?

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 16/09/2018 16:11

shit happens that has to be my favourite excuse used by the morally bankrupt . Like they’re explaining an accidental spill of coffee or something 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Notacluewhatthisis · 16/09/2018 16:29

Ow are not innocent. Yes he is a twat. But the OP is responsible for her own actions here.
She decided to sleep with a married man, risk her career, let him come round every night, knowing he has a wife blah blah blah.

She made the decisions to do this. So she has the consequences. And yes sometimes people do need to be told her actions are the actions of a shitbags. Maybe it will make her think twice.

That said I don't think she is a shitbag. I don't think people are only made up of some of their bad decisions. We have all made good and bad decisions. I don't believe having an affair makes someone completely bad person. But they are making shitbag decisions.

Lizzie48 · 16/09/2018 16:41

Yes, we've all made poor decisions at some point in our lives, I certainly have, but I wouldn't dream of broadcasting it on Mumsnet. The only reason I can think of why anyone would do that is because they want some kind of notoriety. The OP must have known that she would be flamed for her actions, you don't have to be on here for any length of time to work that one out.

AnyFucker · 16/09/2018 17:18

Even getting a kicking is attention, right ?

Pathetic.

crimsonlake · 16/09/2018 17:28

It is pretty obvious how you can fix it and you know it... tell him it is over. Why on earth are you letting him come over all the time if you want to end it?

Santaclarita · 16/09/2018 17:37

You're senior in the company, you should know how to handle this. Otherwise, you're shit at your job.

Deal with it yourself. You sink or swim dear, time to find out which one. You sound full of yourself to be honest, sinking will bring you down a few pegs to where you should be.