Suspicious and need help 'find my iPhone'

[145234LJ]

DH has warned me he's going out on Thursday eve, with friends over an hour away. In all the time we've been married (15 years) I don't think he's ever gone out on a week night with these friends. Given that he'd be getting the last train back (11pm) and won't get there until 8pm it just doesn't seem believable that he'd make the effort to do that on a week night for such a short period of time. Especially as he only spent the day with these friends just last weekend.

I queried it and sounded surprised but he brushed it off and I got busy dealing with the kids. I've just sat down and it popped back in my head. It really seems strange. Marriage has been very rocky the past year.

I'm not a snooper but am genuinely baffled as what to do here. Instinct tells me something's not right. I don't know his password for his iPhone login or else I could just use Find My IPhone from his iPad on Thurs eve. Any other suggestions as to what I can do?

Do you know any of these friends or their wives? I'd be right suspicious too. Seems like a lot of effort for just a few hours, and last train would get him home at midnight-ish? Does he work on a Friday?

I would be very suspicious, too.

Do you know these friends?

Yes he's working on Friday, as they all will be. I do know all their wives but none of the wives are friends as such and don't text. I couldn't bring myself to ask them - if I'm wrong then it's super embarrassing and if I'm right it's also super embarrassing. I couldn't even trust that they wouldn't cover for him anyway as I'm sure they'd not want to be the ones to out him.

Yes he'd be back just after midnight. It just doesn't make any sense.

@HollowTalk yes I know them. If it was Fri or Sat eve it would make more sense (except it wouldn't as he's only just socialised with them all) but definitely not on a thurs.

I saw a post on a Facebook group, not sure if it works or not but if he does have an iPhone there's a thing you can do in settings that sends whatever messages sends to your phone

You could share your location from iMessage or WhatsApp. But you'd need access to his phone for that. Find my iPhone pings the phone so he'll know you've done it

@wombatron I could possibly get access to his WhatsApp over the next couple of days. If i change the setting to share location does that mean if he messages me on Thursday eve his location will be shown?

@Rosetree123 - he only uses WhatsApp so I don't think that would be any use?

8 til. 11pm is a normal time for me to see friends! You obviously have other reasons to be suspicious, but getting out of work by 6:30 or so, then at least an hour to get into London would make an 8pm meet standard. I still assume 11pm last orders at the pub, (old school) and would need to leave around then anyway to get the last train home.

3hrs seems normal timing to me. Old uni friends live all over and have families so prefer mid week catch ups,and usually pick London as fairly central, or because some will be coming into town during the day for work.

@Smidge001 it just isn't normal for him to make that journey for only a few hours, especially when he spent the day with all of them on Sunday. Yes he goes out on a week night with local friends if he can drive to a pub or get a lift, stay for 2 pints then come home.

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me to go and meet for 3 hours and a Thursday is better than a Monday IMO. However you know him and we don’t. Is there any way he’s being an alibi for one of them rather than the other way around ?

Do you have children together, OP?

Find my iPhone doesn’t ping unless you ask it to ping the phone. You need his iTunes password to access it and the phone needs to have location services enabled.

If you are suspicious why not get a GPS tracker from Amazon (order using prime for next day delivery)..hide it in his car and it will show you his location on thursday

Might it just be a specific event like a birthday party or a sports match he wants to watch with them or something? It doesn’t intrinsically seem unreasonable behaviour to me (I often do similar), although I can fully see its unusual for him.

If you are suspicious why not get a GPS tracker from Amazon (order using prime for next day delivery)..hide it in his car and it will show you his location on thursday

Or set up find my phone on an old phone and hide it under the seats in the car. It will only tell you whether he has gone to the station car park not who he has gone to London with.

I don't know how to use such things but I agree a change in behaviour recently + evasive in conversation + rocky marriage = your gut is telling you something.

Sign up to a techie forum they'll know!

If you can get access to his phone, install 'Find Friends' on both your phones. Move the app to somewhere inconspicuous on the third or fourth page. Send a request from your phone and accept on his. You'll be able to see where he is without him knowing.

If you don't have his phone password I presume you're not going to be able to get into his phone without him knowing or becoming suspicious, so you're almost certainly not going to be able to use his phone to track him.

Could you accidentally drop your phone (on silent, no vibrate etc) into his bag for the day and then track your phone on your home computer?

You may still be able to get access to his phone if it's locked and have no password.. if Siri is enabled 😊

1: press and hold the home button and ask Siri 'what's the time'

2: if Siri is enabled it will tell you the time and show a clock and some select buttons

3: press radar then tone store which opens up the App Store.. vola phone is unlocked.

This is all just wrong. You shouldn’t be doing this.

Surely you just need to ask why they are meeting up again so soon? Why don't you ask if you can join them as you fancy a night out?

To be honest, if all you have to base 'suspicious behaviour' on is the fact he's going out on a Thursday for a few hours, I wouldn't be going to all this trouble. If it's playing on your mind that much, then obviously keep an eye on it and see if any other things prevent themselves over the next few weeks or so, but one night out isn't really enough to warrant tracking him.

I rarely go out - in the space of two years, I think I've gone out three times without DP, and all three of those times were mid week (two being a Thursday because I actually prefer avoiding the weekend crowds!) and were also only for a few hours as I had to get up for things the following day.

Talk to him. If your gut is telling u something is up then it probably is. Does he keep his phone locked and close to him? That's a bad sign. My husband recently left his phone unlocked for the 1st time so i looked at his messages. He had been messaging other women. Im not completely innocent though having just come out of an emotional affair. We are trying to both be more open with each other now.