Suspicious and need help 'find my iPhone'

[145234LJ]

DH has warned me he's going out on Thursday eve, with friends over an hour away. In all the time we've been married (15 years) I don't think he's ever gone out on a week night with these friends. Given that he'd be getting the last train back (11pm) and won't get there until 8pm it just doesn't seem believable that he'd make the effort to do that on a week night for such a short period of time. Especially as he only spent the day with these friends just last weekend.

I queried it and sounded surprised but he brushed it off and I got busy dealing with the kids. I've just sat down and it popped back in my head. It really seems strange. Marriage has been very rocky the past year.

I'm not a snooper but am genuinely baffled as what to do here. Instinct tells me something's not right. I don't know his password for his iPhone login or else I could just use Find My IPhone from his iPad on Thurs eve. Any other suggestions as to what I can do?

Mumsnet standards on full display again I see.

Double standards

This is creepy as fuck.

You can’t really justify stalking him on the basis of a hunch. Every controlling, abusive man who ever lived will say that he had a hunch about his partners infidelity as a way of justifying his behaviour. Do you remember the thread with the lady who found the bugging device in the power socket which her DP had planted ? - universally condemned on MN. I don’t think anyone posted “ Well he probably has a hunch about you”. And, someone else’s experience of infidelity does not provide a good enough rationale IMO. Unless there is something else that you’re not telling us then it does seem like an over reaction based on one night out.

BUT OP has explained this is NOT a NORMAL night out.
Not in 15 years has he done this.
The marriage has been rocky for a year and now something else out of the ordinary.

OP, does his phone sync with his ipad?
That's how I found out my ExP was cheating.
Have a look and if it does then you may be on to a winner.

I'm sorry to all those saying it's normal. You don't trust him so end it - blah blah blah.
But real life isn't like that.
Being with someone for 15 years - you just KNOW when something is wrong or off.
Your gut clenches, little things add up to bigger things.
Unless you've been through it, you cannot possibly understand what OP is trying to explain.

And if a man came on here and told us that his marriage had been a bit off for the last year and that she was now visiting the same 'friends' twice in 1 week when that hasn't happened in over 15 years!!! I'd tell him the same as this. Start snooping.

I would be livid if a night out with friends was treated with this level of suspicion. And if my phone was tracked or gps hidden in my car or god knows what else, it would be game over!

The usual nutjobs on this thread.

Have you got an I phone too? If so can you enable find my friends on his phone? It’s not obvious it’s done and then you can see exactly where he is.

I caught a cheat because my spidery senses told me that something was wrong. Don’t doubt that voice at the back of your head.

It will only tell you whether he has gone to the station car park not who he has gone to London with.

Where did the OP say he was going to London?

BUT OP has explained this is NOT a NORMAL night out.
Not in 15 years has he done this.
The marriage has been rocky for a year and now something else out of the ordinary
And??? So what!!
That does not justify any of this!
If my bloke did this to me i’d kick him out.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3171606-cheating-husband-help-with-whatsapp-please?pg=1&order=

Does anyone remember this thread? The op had a hunch and it was only based on him using WhatsApp more regularly then what he told her he did. You just know when something’s up.

The op has already advised she is not a snooper and hasn’t resorted to this before but this feels different. For those of you that say “this wouldn’t be a problem” for you and even if you had a gut feel that something felt slighlty off that you would ignore it then that’s your choice. The op is clearly more alert and as she has children with this man, probably shares financial assets with this man then it’s prudent to follow it up in order to protect herself as much necessary if required .

BUT OP has explained this is NOT a NORMAL night out.
Not in 15 years has he done this.

Nobody's allowed to do anything different, ever? You're just supposed to keep on doing what you've always done?

Fifteen years would take someone from their twenties to their forties. Do people in their forties really still have the kind of evenings out they had in their twenties, or do they move on to something different?

if a man came on here and told us that his marriage had been a bit off for the last year and that she was now visiting the same 'friends' twice in 1 week when that hasn't happened in over 15 years!!! I'd tell him the same as this. Start snooping.

But what would your advice be if a woman came on here and said that her DH seemed incredibly suspicious that she had, for once in her life, decided to meet up with her friends midweek and now she's found a tracking device in her car?

My husband hasn't been out on a week night for 15 years either. It wouldn't be normal for him either. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if he wanted to.

If you're suspicious just keep your eyes open and observe - to go into full on stalker mode st this stage is nothing other than weird.

Agree with Kenny.

Maybe one of his friends is having issues and asked for a 1-to-1 chat?

Agree with kenny

There is no pattern here either way. If he was seeing somebody he would be out every thursday night. The fact that this a one off and he is normally a hermit means he hasn't been having an affair.

This is not justified because the marriage is going through a bad patch. If I was going through a bad patch, I would seek support from my friends, it would be unusual and probably outside a normal fun get together. If your relationship is breaking down, then yes your gut is playing up, for that reason.

Most probably a 1:1(+) with friend(s) to talk through his marital problems. Could be the intervention the marriage needs. However not if PI mumsnet is lurking behind the pot plants and his iphone starts pinging location messages.

OP think about what you are trying to achieve here. Do you want to save your marriage or prove a point? A very unlikely point if he never goes out.

Frequent locations in iPhone settings will show you where that phone has been.

I think what @BoomBoomsCousin suggested is also quite a good idea
Putting your phone is his bag or jacket (on silent ) set up your iPad to track the location of your phone.
If you both have iPhones he probably will just think he picked up yours by mistake.

I think what @BoomBoomsCousin suggested is also quite a good idea
Putting your phone is his bag or jacket (on silent ) set up your iPad to track the location of your phone.

I think anyone that even consider this is batshit crazy.

Seriously. This is not normal behaviour working a relationship.

I’d never dream of tracking my current OH, but then I’m in a happy and trusting relationship.

I found out my ex husband of 14 years was cheating on me by tracking his iPhone, there was a thread running on here as I worked out who he was with. If I hadn’t done it, who knows how long I would have been made a fool of for. I absolutely don’t regret it.

not sure if mentioned but you can go to settings > privacy > location services > turn that on

make sure frequent locations is on

it will you show where he was, without alerting him (unless he switches his phone off)

to add to my post , its under “system services > significant locations”

"I think anyone that even consider this is batshit crazy."
" Seriously. This is not normal behaviour working a relationship."

I should have put something before my suggestion to use her own phone about considering how reasonable her suspicions were and how such an action has the potential to destroy her marriage all by themselves if she is caught. I agree that trying to track your spouse is not normal behaviour in a working relationship. I got the impression from the OP that she doesn't think her relationship is working. I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to investigate if you have a reasonable suspicion that your spouse is doing something that threatens your marriage and where just asking isn't going to be satisfactory. Whether her fears are reasonable or paranoid isn't something I can tell over the Internet, but I don't think she's better served by some of the illegal ideas people were coming up with.