Relationship dilemma

[Hyatt]

Hi this is my first time posting here but I'm in a bind. I recently discovered I was pregnant with my second child at 12 weeks. It was unplanned (I was on the mini pill but aged 38 so was perhaps a bit lax about taking it same time every day on account of my age and because I have PCOS). My partner was very angry and unhappy about it as he thinks we're not ready, though financially it should be ok with a bit of belt tightening. His main objection seemed to be he wants more time to travel and explore, now our daughter is older and easier to handle. He wanted an abortion, and when I refused he threatened to leave and packed his bags. We had a long tearful discussion yesterday as he was preparing to go and he has essentially given me an ultimatum. He claims he will accept the baby but to regain trust in me and to be a stronger family we should share everything 50/50 from here on in including the house and the car. The problem is that they were both acquired with my money. He hasn't contributed to either, except petrol and his share of the car insurance. I pay mortgage and household bills from my salary. I earn more but we both work full time. I also pay for childcare. The money he earns goes towards helping his sick elderly parents abroad with rent and living costs and paying for incidentals. I don't see he has a claim on any of this but he he feels insecure in the relationship and says we both need to make sacrifices to move forward, him through being a dad to both kids me by sharing what's essentially mg savings and inheritance. I feel like he is taking the p*ss with this request but want to keep my family together. What to do and how to respond?

He's not being fair at all
He should be contributing to your lives together equally now anyway. What does he mean by sharing half of everything? You're married so don't you do this anyway?

He sounds like a twat

I'd see a solicitor if I was you

He's a manipulative fellow isn't he?

Just say No - or even Goodbye.

I don't think how you divide your assets if essentially the issue here. The massive problem I have with this is him using his unborn child as a bargaining chip to blackmail you with. He can dress it up however he likes but that is a disgusting thing to do.

In light of that I would do what you can to protect your assets and secure your own financial freedom because he doesn't sound like a keeper.

This isn't a man who "feels insecure in the relationship". This is a man who sees an opportunity to leach off you financially.

You get to decide what to do about the pregnancy. You, not him. Having tried to coerce you into an abortion, he's now trying to squeeze you financially.

I'd LTB. He's manipulative and abusive.

To clarify we're not married and I bought the house by myself, as well as paying all related bills and household improvements. He doesn't contribute to the mortgage. He's a wonderful dad to our daughter who totally adores him but I worry he's trying to use the situation to his financial advantage. So in exchange for keeping our family together he gets a 50% share of my assets. I basically don't trust him right now either as his first instinct was to up and leave me. He's also been verbally abusive since he has known about the pregnancy, shouting and swearing at me, continually demanding I abort even though I was clearly hysterical at the prospect and generally wearing me down. I stayed with family all last week and he blocked me on social media after I told him I wouldn't do as he asked and get rid of baby. My heart was breaking for my daughter she kept asking for daddy... I feel selfish not to give her that for the sake of money...

OP this sounds awful - poor you.

You should consider a separation while you consider your options. Definitely don't make any financial commitments and see a solicitor.

I would end the relationship. He's shown his true colours. He may always resent you and your second child but best he does that at a distance and doesn't bleed you dry financially whilst he's at it.

Wow OP.
This 'man' is cocklodging leech!
Do NOT give in to his demands.
Show your DD that you will not be blackmailed and 'robbed' of your DC inheritance.
I can guarantee, when he get's this 50% agreement, he'll be off with the 50% leaving you to bring up your 2 DC alone and far worse off financially.
He needs to fuck off to the far side of fuck.
Tell him that.
He'll soon back pedal.
And if he doesn't, good riddance to bad rubbish.
What an absolute asshole!

First up, you decide if you want the baby and you shouldn’t be pressured into a decision either way by abuse which is what you are experiencing from your partner.

Tell him you are keeping your assets. He can leave but you will be seeking CMS payments from him. Use the calculator to work out what this will be. Tell him he should leave until he can behave like an adult. Better still tell him to leave anyway. He holds no cards here, you do.

Btw, the money for his sick elderly partners, it’s all in bank account in his name

Keep your assets and make sure that you have a will leaving the assets in trust for your children. Make your parents the trustees.

If he doesn’t like it, he can go travelling with his zero assets and return penniless and homeless. But of course he has plenty of money hidden from you.

So he gains half your house and car and you gain half the care for supporting his elderly parents?
Let him go. He'll end up leaving anyway, at least if you say no you'll protect your assets.

Do not trust him OP and do not sign anything over or split anything with him. He is using the pregnancy as a way to manipulate you into giving him what he wants.

And OP DD will still have her father even if the two of you are not together anymore. So please do not feel you are depriving her of anything.

Let him go! Sounds like you would be better off without him. He’s blackmailing you, and your paying everything. Get rid and I’m sure you will be very happy with your two children

He sounds vile. I'm not sure why you'd want him in your DD's life.

Usually people on here claim their OH is a 'good Dad' when there is nothing else positive to say.

He's blackmailing you. He wants half your assets. Why isn't he contributing more? Seriously, take him at his word and ask him to leave. This is not a fair situation at all. At the moment, you hold the cards but you would be making yourself (and your DD) extremely vulnerable if you agree to this plan.

So - he wants you to PAY him to stay around????
Really?

What ‘trust’ does he need to re-build? Accidental pregnancy is the same as cheating?

If genders were reversed, and one partner was sacrificing career to take care of house/family - then i’d say insisting on getting married as a way to protect financial future for self/children - is understandable.

But - this man is already taking you for a ride - and now wants more????????

If he’s prepared to leave if you don’t give him this share of your assets, then I think he will leave eventually anyway.

Better he leaves without your money and house.

I agree with user1492863869 he is keeping his money for HIMSELF, I also agree with Beaverhausen - he can be a 'good' dad living away from you and DC.

Selfish, greedy, manipulative, blackmailing, cocklodging git . He's asking you to PAY him to accept his unborn child!

Where to start.

IMHO, any man that tries to coerce, threaten and blackmail his partner into having an abortion is lower than scum-sucking pondlife. That's who he is. On that basis, would I hell in your position sign over half your assets to him. He's a self-centered piece of shit who cares not one jot for you and I'd bet he'll eventually bugger off anyway leaving you to pick up the pieces, both financially and with your daughter.

This man is the lowest of the low. Luckily you can just tell him to bugger off with his financial demands.

He is bribing you OP

You husband is actually bribing you

Obscene

I would say no. He helped make the baby, in case he didn't notice, regardless of your laxity.

Just when I think I’ve read it all on here it gets worse.
Tell him no op.
If he chooses to leave (he won’t) thats his decision.
Why would you need to buy his love and support?
It won’t be you breaking up the family it will be him.

This is a side of him I hadn't seen before tbh. I've been resentful of him putting his family first financially and not contributing equally to our household in the past but this is a whole different level of awful. I think it's his relentlessness I struggle with the most. He doesn't want to give me time and space, keeps pressuring me to decide things. He's brought this up twice today already, first at breakfast and then while I'm at work! He can't just back off. Same went for abortion demands, every time we spoke he'd raise the subject. Feel so tired of this.

Why doesn't he contribute financially? What does he spend his money on?