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Original poster

Walked in with an erection

108 replies

mollymoomalone · 10/09/2018 14:24

So my partner has a 3 year old with his ex, however he has only managed to ejaculate once in 18 months in bed with me. Albeit he is on heavy medication due to health problems he manages to ejaculate every day through self masterbation. Not really interested in sex just in me pleasuring him for hours to no good end 😢

Yesterday his ex visited , he was in the kitchen cooking and she went in there only for a minute and returned to the conservatory. A minute later he walked into the conservatory and put a cup on n the tab,le before immediately returning to the kitchen. I was gobsmacked to notice he had a definite erection sticking straight out in his shorts, I fo,lowed hi. The the kitchen and grabbed the said erection to prove my eyes weren’t deceiving me .

He says I’m being silly and he hadn’t even noticed ...it’s just because he had no pants on only loose football shorts

Not having a penis myself , I want to know is it possible that someone could not know that they had a semi erection when walking form one room to another ?... am I over reacting ?..

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 10/09/2018 14:55

What's the rest of the relationship like?

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 10/09/2018 14:56

and grabbed the said erection to prove my eyes weren’t deceiving me

Because without grabbing to be sure, there was a chance he might be practising the spoon & hanky trick, in his pants?

CauliflowerBalti · 10/09/2018 14:57

Proceed gently. Sex is as much in the head for men as it is with women when they get older. Teenage erections are ten a penny. Adult men can overthink things like us - if he's overthinking sex with you, for whatever reason, that will affect his performance and mean that he can have a billion erections on his own but struggle to achieve/maintain/ejaculate with YOU. And that might be for any number of reasons, not all of them dodgy/a reflection of his feelings.

We don't know the rest of the story. Anything else about your marriage. Tell us he's letting you down in other areas of your marriage and fair enough - why are you with him? But sex is so complicated. So just.. proceed with caution. If you love him, think loving thoughts.

TooTrueToBeGood · 10/09/2018 14:57

I have a penis and I can assure you that I am absolutely aware when I have an erection, even just a partial one.

ErickBroch · 10/09/2018 14:58

I usually just lurk but had to respond. I had this for 2 years, relationship was also very abusive (not saying yours is at all, just for context why I stayed too long). He could never ejaculate from sex, only masturbation, he always tried to blame me and everyone else but the reason is he masturbates SO MUCH that they cannot ejaculate from actual sex as they are used to the pressure/speed of their hand!!

It is textbook, that is why. Things will not change unless he stops w**king so much!

SirVixofVixHall · 10/09/2018 15:02

I misread the title as “ wanker with an erection “ .
But anyway op. This sounds dismal. What does he say about your relationship ?

Anon90 · 10/09/2018 15:02

A lot of men do get random erections. Mine does when weve not had sex for a few days, over the most random things. But he wouldn't deny it to me, or walk around noticably.

I had a fwb who couldn't come too. He wasn't selfish and we did get there in the end, it was a LOT of work getting it reliable (we were only young too) but he put as much back into me as it took for me to get him there.

I wouldn't put up with yours.

CauliflowerBalti · 10/09/2018 15:03

I just read your original post again and you mention medication and suggest that affects performance - if he's anxious that the meds mean he can't perform, then he won't be able to perform. If you try and try to pleasure him and he can't achieve orgasm, each time this happens is a 'failure' and adds a burden on to the next time. So he masturbates, both because his sex drive is still there and to prove that he can, but then he gets death grip...

Like I said before - we don't know the rest of the story, but tread carefully. The ex thing could be a complete red herring. Conversation and maybe some sex therapy could mend things - IF the rest of the marriage is worth mending.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 10/09/2018 15:06

Imagine the drama on here if a man grabbed a.womans vagina to check if it was wet Hmm

I think you're being ridiculous and need to learn to keep your hands to yourself. Confused

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/09/2018 15:06

I fo,lowed hi. The the kitchen and grabbed the said erection

If your DP followed you into a room, suspecting you were sexually aroused and grabbed your genitals to check, how appropriate would you find it?

hellsbellsmelons · 10/09/2018 15:06

Not really interested in sex just in me pleasuring him for hours to no good end
Sod that for a game of soldiers!
Does he pleasure you regularly?
He's a wanker! Pure and simple.
Unless you have kids together, I can't understand why you are still with him?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/09/2018 15:06

x-post with babyshark

Bombardier25966 · 10/09/2018 15:08

How long have you been together OP?

Do you have children with him, or other children in the household?

troodiedoo · 10/09/2018 15:11

odfo with the whatawhatabout-ery

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/09/2018 15:11

This relationship isn't really a go-er, is it? You're sexually incompatible, and his inability to ejaculate with an actual real live woman usually points to heavy porn use. As does the one-sided 'pleasuring'.

You don't trust him either.

Ditch and move on. There are decent men out there, but he's not one of them.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/09/2018 15:12

odfo with the whatawhatabout-ery

Eh? Is that aimed at my comment?

RyderWhiteSwan · 10/09/2018 15:12

Yep, "death grip" Sad

Original poster
mollymoomalone · 10/09/2018 15:14

Thanks all, it doesn’t help that his ex is 22 years younger than him and I’m 2 years older . We get on very well and enjoy each other’s company, have so much in common and have been together for 18 months. I’m heartbroken, if I’m honest but I don’t want to turn into someone who doubts themselves and losses confidence , I’ve never been that way so I guess it’s the end for us

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 10/09/2018 15:15

Stop flogging his dead horse

hellsbellsmelons · 10/09/2018 15:17

18 months!!!!!
Hell no.
Get him gone. He's of no use to you what-so-ever!
What are your living arrangements?

Deathgrip · 10/09/2018 15:18

My username is really the only comment needed her. I’ll go out on a limb and say porn addict, no?

Dieu · 10/09/2018 15:18

He was 22 when his ex was born?!
Yuk.

HollowTalk · 10/09/2018 15:22

Stop flogging his dead horse

Now that is the quote of the week.

SalemBlackCat · 10/09/2018 15:26

That is not a relationship. In 18 months, you are still supposed to be in the 'honeymoon phase'. I've known couples who have been married for 40+ years who have more sex than that. You don't have a sexual relationship. At all. Why are you with him? You could be having mind-blowing sex with a man who puts time into you. What are you waiting for? Go and find him!

Elephant14 · 10/09/2018 15:26

I do like the flogging his dead horse comment, and also respect to TooTrue for declaring a penis.

You know, we have to ask, why doesn't he just go back to his clearly desirable young ex and the 3 year old DD and you get someone solid and decent on board? Literally?

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