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Original poster

Did I do right thing sending this message

84 replies

messedupagainn · 05/09/2018 02:14

Met guy through work and been talking by text continually for last two weeks, things are building up and think we're we're getting ready to meet soon.

So decided to just check he was def single as knew he was seeing someone few months back and he kind of avoid the question and joked about being married with 8 kids, I've been burned to many times so sent

Your avoiding the question, fine but I don't want to be part of all that, take care and got this message back

No just long story and bit late for that, and I've been texting you every night but great thanks

I responded not asking for long story just straight answer, avoiding makes me think your not in right place to be doing this right now

And he's gone offline and not responded

Now having second thought, did I do right thing? Was I out of order kind of feel that I've messed it up already

OP posts:
janaus · 05/09/2018 02:20

You did good. Got it out in the open. Maybe with a bit of time he might give you some answers.

Original poster
messedupagainn · 05/09/2018 02:22

It's the but great thanks bit that got me thinking maybe I've pissed him off and was out if order

OP posts:
FoldyRoll · 05/09/2018 02:25

Maybe it has pissed him off but only because you've shown you're not a pushover, in which case, bullet dodged.

CryptoFascist · 05/09/2018 02:54

You weren't out of order at all.
A "long story" and evasive response?
He's not single.

TanteRose · 05/09/2018 03:05

he's definitely still attached, and he's pissed off that you tried to get info on that.

You did nothing wrong

Dhalandchips · 05/09/2018 03:20

I think you've avoided a wrong'un. He seems pissed off you dated to ask!

User1011 · 05/09/2018 04:18

Probably best to ask him in person not via message as message can be taken wrong way and you can’t tell the persons intent.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2018 04:21

If he gets pissed off at someone making sure he's single, he's either not single or he's a spiky one. Best swerved.

Shoxfordian · 05/09/2018 04:52

He's either single or he's not. It shouldn't be this difficult and he shouldn't be that evasive about it. He's probably still married.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 05/09/2018 05:13

I’d have replied ‘Sorry, didn’t realise texting me was such a chore for you Hmm if you’d answered me the first time I asked, this wouldn’t have gone on so long, so anytime you’ve wasted is your own doing. If it’s ‘a long story’ you’re not single and you’re the one wasting my time’.

If he’s a chancer he’ll just get pissed off he’s been called out on it, if he’s a genuine bloke (can’t really see how?!) then he’ll make an effort to reassure you and arrange to meet up to explain properly (I’d love to hear his ‘long story’ Hmm). But the way he’s acted, I’m going for ‘NOT single’ Wank badger.

Have you looked him up on FB etc?!

As you met him ‘at work’ not online, how come you didn’t meet up, in person, sooner?

Anyone at work who would know if he’s married/single?

Sounds like a sulky wank badger anyway - single or married.

Cawfee · 05/09/2018 05:21

You did the right thing. Sounds like you’ve avoided a bullet there. Hes not single or he would have written “I’m single”

HopelessWanderer · 05/09/2018 05:25

I would wonder why he can't give you a straight answer, it would be a red flag for me I'm afraid.

He'd have to have a pretty valid situation to not explain fully and for leading you on if for example he's on a break or something like that.

Don't fall for the, were married but it's a loveless marriage, she pays me no attention. As realistically you'll always be the other woman. If he's that unhappy why doesn't he leave?

Some men & women want the stability of a relationship plus to have the excitement of something on the side. Ultimately you'll get hurt.

mamansnet · 05/09/2018 05:33

It sounds like he's interested - if he was single, he would have said so like a shot!

Best case scenario is that he has a ton of baggage. You've nothing to be ashamed of, you've been straight with him and it's fair to want the same back. It sounds like you've dodged a bullet imo

memyselfandi1 · 05/09/2018 05:51

I think it was ok to ask but the take care suggests you ended it so he responded the way he did x I really don’t think you were wrong for asking though if he’s being obtuse at this stage though think what he will be like in the future x

Original poster
messedupagainn · 05/09/2018 07:23

Thank you he then replied

No, but I will tell you everything tomorrow when I haven't had beers and tired lol then you will know everything

So no just waiting to see if and what he says

OP posts:
HuckfromScandal · 05/09/2018 07:26

Yeah, and gives himself enough time to spin a nice story to keep you in the hook.
This doesn’t sound like a good un. And believe me, I have dated and chatted to enough of them to be able to tell.
You are worth more than this guy.

InfiniteSheldon · 05/09/2018 07:30

Married but will say he is separated and has to string her along because of dc/her mental health/family pressure/money

tccat · 05/09/2018 07:33

There will be some cock and bull story about the marriage being over but he stays for the kids etc, I can almost guarantee he'll be spinning you a line to get sex, it's very simple, he's either single or he's n
Not, and you don't want to be involved with any nonsense
There will be some big dramatic story with him as the wronged character, I'd bet my last pound on it

MMmomDD · 05/09/2018 07:34

OP - you sound like you are he suspicious type that tends to jump to conclusions quickly.

You haven’t even met in person.
You aren’t in a relationship with him yet. And this behaviour - if I had it directed at me would set of a lot of red flags. And i’d think twice about seeing you again.

cakecakecheese · 05/09/2018 07:34

I'm intrigued about this 'long story' but yeah it's not sounding good. Even if he is single there may be something complicated, maybe he's still living with his ex or something. Either way hear him out if you want to but it's not sounding like it's a situation you probably want to be involved in.

MamaOotie · 05/09/2018 07:35

He's not single and he's thinking of the best story to frame it like he is the victim/good guy/Mr Rochester with a mad woman stuffed away in attic.

Listen to what he doesn't say rather than what he does say.

cakecakecheese · 05/09/2018 07:37

I love how MMmomDD is jumping to conclusions about OP jumping to conclusions Grin She heard he was seeing someone a little while back and wanted confirmation he was single which I'd say is a totally reasonable request and he was evasive. No they've not been on a date yet but it's much better to find this stuff out beforehand.

MamaOotie · 05/09/2018 07:38

MMmomDD

She met him through work so I'm sure the poor diddums is able to answer a very simple and basic question without swooning Hmm

AsleepAllDay · 05/09/2018 07:39

Nah why is he being evasive? Not hard to say 'oh I just got out of a relationship' or 'I have been dating around'

He sounds like a flake

aybeeseedee · 05/09/2018 07:46

It's obviously complicated. If he feeds you the "we are separated but live together" gem walk swiftly away.

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