Did I do right thing sending this message

[messedupagainn]

Met guy through work and been talking by text continually for last two weeks, things are building up and think we're we're getting ready to meet soon.

So decided to just check he was def single as knew he was seeing someone few months back and he kind of avoid the question and joked about being married with 8 kids, I've been burned to many times so sent

Your avoiding the question, fine but I don't want to be part of all that, take care and got this message back

No just long story and bit late for that, and I've been texting you every night but great thanks

I responded not asking for long story just straight answer, avoiding makes me think your not in right place to be doing this right now

And he's gone offline and not responded

Now having second thought, did I do right thing? Was I out of order kind of feel that I've messed it up already

Since you are waiting for this tale of his explaining this long story instead of just using two words, you might as well have a bit of fun with it and make a bingo card to amuse you.

I suggest for starters:
"separated but living in the same house"
"married but staying for the kids"

Given his last reply, I'd take that as an Amber Warning and give him the benefit of the doubt until i heard the story

You're right to ask, he is being evasive somehow

You need to know. OLD has changed the parameters of how people interact & lets people get away with being anonymous, untruthful, even openly bad.

I would not be comfortable continuing to talk to and emotionally connecting with someone who doesn't want to be forthright about their current status. It's basic honesty and courtesy

I too am interested to know this story that is so long and complicated that it has to be told face to face and with access to refreshments, lest either of you grow faint during the telling.

It might be that he's anxious about something in his life that he fears might put off women - perhaps he is sole carer for six kids, was recently in a same sex relationship or has recently divorced from a famous person - and he wants to roll that stuff out carefully.

Or it might be that he has a partner already and hopes that his excuses about "separated but living together" and "more like flatmates" will sound more convincing after a few beers.

Report back!

Has he replied yet?

Add to that:

Broken up with someone but she is in a bad place so I have to pretend we are still together for a bit longer

She is very ill otherwise I’d be completely single instead of 99% single (not that she knows that)

He said 'No', that would be enough for me.

My bet is on

"I had a girlfriend who I broke up with but she hasn't got the message and is a bit weird/stalkerish/crazy . . . . "

Ok replied back no wife or kids that I knew.

Said yes is single and yes he has been seeing someone casually for past year, casual because he doesn't see a relationship between them but enjoyed the company and was honest with her what it was, around 6 weeks ago she gave ultimatum and he said not what he wants and she taking it badly

I have checked story out through work and I know someone that knows thus other ladie and she's confirmed this is the case and the lady wanted more than he did

So why not just say “yes, I’m single I broke up with a partner a few months ago”?

So why couldn’t he say yes or no. Sounds like unfinished business.

My bullshit detectors are chirriping, OP - what is your feeing about all this?

He had a "casual" relationship for a year, was totally upfront with her, but she gave him an ultimatum. So he broke up with her and she is taking it badly?

This might be true. It is certainly an account thats paints him in a wholly innocent light.

How true do you think it is? It might be that he strung her along for a year, and then when she had The Chat about how he was treating her, he pulled some "we were never really properly going out" bullshit on her, leading to her feeling hurt and disrespected.

And why is he telling you this? So you're on his side when his "crazy ex" makes problems? To let you know that he isn't looking for commitment? It all smells like a big shovelful of drama to me, OP.

Do I win half a donut for being half right?

She wanted more or he promised more?

Just leave it.

Well, he's clearly married. So you dodged a bullet.

Learn from the other lady’s experience.

You are to not want “too much” of a relationship with him. Don’t believe you are “the one”, etc, “my soulmate at last “, etc or that you are x,y, and z better than the others, because you are not.

You are in a position of being compared to someone else. You are being auditioned to fill a potential up-coming vacancy. And then at some point he will begin the audition process all over again, to replace you, if you should push the relationship development.

Nope.

I would still think whether you want to waste any more time with this guy. I would be asking him what's to say he doesn't do the same with you?

Eff that.

I bet that lady did not know for the year that he was just stringing her along. An ex of mine tried this ‘you always knew it was just ... blah blah.’ He was a liar. It was (to him) a get out of jail free card. We’d been in a committed relationship for just under a year. He’d just met someone else he preferred. Truth be told I could have handled that better than the flaky cowardly bull I got. This guy sounds exactly the same. I’d leave it there otherwise in a year or so you’ll be wondering what went wrong when he does the same to you. Sorry if that sounds harsh but save yourself the upset

Ok
why not say that in the first place ?
But to be fair this can happen.
Not great but A couple I know who have, been happily married for years both broke up with people a few months before they met, who wanted more. ( not living together )
Sometimes relationships drift.
You could be the one.
Just see how it goes.

Ah, so he's stringing along someone else while looking around.

You don't see someone "casually" for a year and get to say "it's not a relationship", that's such horseshit.

so he was using some poor lady for sex for a year. what a gent.

good luck with him, hope it isn't you in a year's time.

If things are exactly as he describes - why is that "complicated"? He was seeing someone, he broke up with her. Where's the drama that requires him to hedge around his singledom, describe it as a long story, etc?

Something feels off about this

Why on earth does anyone have such a conversation by text? No tone of voice, not enough words etc. Chat face to face!!!

Although I do agree he doesn't sound much of a partner.

I bet the woman still thinks she's in a relationship with him, that'll be the complication.