Did I do right thing sending this message

[messedupagainn]

Met guy through work and been talking by text continually for last two weeks, things are building up and think we're we're getting ready to meet soon.

So decided to just check he was def single as knew he was seeing someone few months back and he kind of avoid the question and joked about being married with 8 kids, I've been burned to many times so sent

Your avoiding the question, fine but I don't want to be part of all that, take care and got this message back

No just long story and bit late for that, and I've been texting you every night but great thanks

I responded not asking for long story just straight answer, avoiding makes me think your not in right place to be doing this right now

And he's gone offline and not responded

Now having second thought, did I do right thing? Was I out of order kind of feel that I've messed it up already

I'd be weary, but wait and see what he says and then decide whether or not you believe it

I’m single or I’m married are not “long stories.”

You asked a perfectly reasonable question and then responded to his evasion in a perfectly reasonable way.

The fact that he didn’t like being called on his evasion would make me very cautious regardless of whatever story he comes up with.

Urgh do you really have time for this shit? I couldn't be arsed with somebody who could reply cryptic messages like that tbh
If he's not straightforward single, "ok, cheerybye, best of luck" because life is too darn short.

He sounds like Ross from friends "great thanks"

He even said 'its a bit late for that', in regard to you saying you didn't want to be part of that?

Yeah I think he's going to try and spin you a line.

“Long stories” 🙄 puh-lease

And FWIW I don’t think the tone was of his messages to you are that nice either 🤨

Ignore his response.... whatever he is involved in is either messy and will come with complications or he’ll lie to you.

Critically: He can’t say “I’m single” and you want a relationship with someone who is... single.

Do not get into it with him and do not let him talk you round. If he must explain, listen politely and tell him you appreciate him taking the time to explain but it doesn’t change things for you and you think it’s best to leave it.

Well it’s a simple question which should have a simple answer. But obviously not in this case so whatever he comes up with now I would not trust him.

He's pissed off that you're making him face his other "situation".

I'd cut him off now.
He wasn't able to say yes or no, and then keeps giving evasive answers.
Even married and separated would require just these two words.

Tell him to contact you, if he wants, when the complicated situation is sorted and see if you're still available then.

Well I'm dying to know what he says and I'm not nosy.

Give him a chance to explain, he might be OK, just cautious. He may have been burned a few times too!

I hope it all works out for you but in your position my antennae would be alert too.

What does caution have to do with replying single or not?

That is no grey area on this, he’s either single, in which case he’d have told you with no fuss. Or he’s not. The ‘it’s comolicated’ Or ‘it’s a long story’ are just other ways of saying ‘I’m with someone, but want to get in your pants’

Anything other than ‘I’m single’ walk away.

Drunk or sober I can answer 'are you single?' It's not a complicated math sum that requires a clear head.
He's not single

He is game playing! The answer is yes or no so why the delay/difficulty in answering the question

He is interested & does not want to scare you off. Personally I would be very wary as he is not very forthcoming with info or being honest

I did not think it's unreasonable of my to check his relationship status, no I'm not in a relationship with him but I don't want to be getting involved in any way even messaging someone who is in a relationship with someone else

So you have to be in a relationship with someone before you can ask them if they're single now??

OP, you did good. "Yes honey, I am definitely single" is not a long story.

I bet it’s going to be along the lines of “I’m more or less single, buuut....” and who has time for that.

Couldn’t be arsed with the cryptic self importance either.

You're more tolerant than I would be op, I wouldn't wait for an explanation.

He is either in a relationship or he isn't. The fact he can't answer and wants to tell you face to face means he is hoping you'll fall for whatever story he concocts.

I would be too curious not to hear the long story but I would approach with extreme caution!!

Good for you OP.
If only all women were like this.
At least you found out before you was in too deep.
This happened to me mr at 20 ish.
Said he was single but few weeks in turns out he had a gf.
I said ok nice knowing you - good bye. No drama. Plenty of fish etc.

Dont meet up whatever you do.
Just say ‘look if you cant quickly give a yes or no, not interested,

I'm interested to know the many ways that this guy's wife doesn't understand him.

I don't think YABU, to be fair it's really mature as no one wants a guy who either is cheating or perceives he's God's gift to mankind.

'See I'm single, but women salivate and literally fall at my feet, madly in love with me. It's such a burden. '

I'm interested to know the many ways that this guy's wife doesn't understand him.

Lol. I bet they haven't had sex for like, years. They're basically just roommates. I mean he hasn't told her they're just roommates, but the no sex means they surely both know it, right? So he is single, he just hasn't, you know, confirmed it with her. Because he doesn't need to. Because she knows already. Cos of the sex thing.

YANBU at all and did the right thing to check before wasting your own time. Anyone in a single situation would get why you'd want to know and would think nothing of just giving you a straight answer!