Would this count as sexual assault or just misadventure?

[balloonsanddinosaurs]

So you were totally unbelievably drunk, you don't know if you gave consent or not as you "came to" mid way through

Had previously slept willingly with said person.

I'm not sure if it matters but trying to work some stuff out

That is counted as rape

if you are that drunk then you are legally incapable of giving informed consent as your judgement is very compromised. Is this a husband/partner, random, ons?

i'm very sorry this has happened to you but tbh this is rape lovely.

I don't think that you can give consent in that situation. Whether or not it was assault or rape rather depends on the context. Technically it probably was. But there's a difference between you drunkenly snogging someone and having sex which you can't remember and someone sexually assaulting someone who's passed out.

If you don't know if you gave consent or not you can't say if it's rape or not because you may have!

Bitheby that is exactly what I'm struggling with - if it's the first it was my fault for drinking more than I should have done and not knowing my own boundaries

I suspect the answer lies in why you are not sure it matters?

On the face of it yes, it was rape... because you don't remember what happened and so presumably must have been too drunk to consent.

However if you don't think it matters then it doesn't have to be that black and white... your feelings about it are the deciding factor, if it feels wrong then it is, if it doesn't then you don't have to see it as assault.

Rely on how you feel about it... but know that if you work through it and decide he overstepped a line and it was assault, you were in no way to blame and need carry no guilt, no matter how drunk you were or how many times you had previoulsy had consensual sex

And bobstermum exactly - the only thing that confuses me is I don't think I would have agreed to what happened (the scenario) if I had been totally with it but I guess I'll never know if I had agreed to go along with it

If you don't know, then how can you say one way or the other?
What was your intention earlier / before you met?

Ariela - group night out, no intention of anything. First time had been one off I thought - he had a gf

I think the poster who suggested it's about deciding how I feel about it may have a point

The context of why I'm thinking about it is in wondering about some relationship stuff from later

So the point may be it felt out of my control at the time I guess and that may have had an impact

Was the other person as drunk as you were to the extent he had no idea what happened?

Ifiwasbird - no he wasn't

Ok then it was rape. He knew you were totally inebriated. He chose to have sex with you while you couldn’t consent. That’s exactly what rape is.

Oh nicely done Jim

Just what every woman wants to hear when she is trying to decide if her sexual partner raped her or not!

What you have just done has name - victim blaming. And it shows you in a very poor light!

How did you feel at the time? Could you have been date raped?

Petal flowers- traumatised. Numb.

Fuck off Jim

If you ended up doing something that you wouldn't have consented to when sober then you did not consent. We all do silly things when drunk but if this is something that matters to you so much that you're worrying about it now then I'd say that you wouldn't have consented to it at the time.

Whether you want to take it further depends on circumstances. Presumably you're not in a relationship with this guy? It tells you stuff about him and the way he's prepared to treat you.

I was sexually assaulted when blind drunk by a stranger. Came to half way through in an alley with my top unbuttoned and his hand in my pants. I didn't report it. It was NOT my fault in that I did not ask to be assaulted but I made myself incredibly vulnerable by being that drunk on my own out late at night.

That was very definitely assault because I didn't know him and he approached me on the street before I blanked out. In your case, it's possible that you were involved in consensual activity, then you blanked out, at which point he should've stopped but perhaps it's not so easy to know unless you were totally out of it.

Echoing pps here but if you did not or could give consent that is rape.

Previously having sex with the same person does not make this acceptable, there is no such thing as implied consent.

Have you heard of the cup of tea analogy, it's a great resource for explaining consent, available to watch on YouTube, id link it but I don't know how!!

What you do next is up to you but there are resources available to help you work through how you are feeling.

My post kind've petered off the point at the end, sorry. If he did something that you wouldn't have agreed to and you don't remember agreeing then he has crossed a line.

What a creep.

Sorry that should have said could not give consent

"what happens if he's blind drunk too!?!!"

He wouldn't be able to do it.

*#AnyFucker

Fuck off Jim*

Perfectly put