Would this count as sexual assault or just misadventure?

[balloonsanddinosaurs]

So you were totally unbelievably drunk, you don't know if you gave consent or not as you "came to" mid way through

Had previously slept willingly with said person.

I'm not sure if it matters but trying to work some stuff out

Just because he has the penis doesn't mean he raped you!

Actually, if it was vaginal intercourse that is exactly what it does mean according to the legal definition of rape.

OP I had something similar, ended up blind drunk after two drinks (was possibly spiked, possibly a medicine interaction, possibly related to an illness). I ended up in hospital when I was found on a street about forty minutes from where I was drinking; a place I did not know.

A passing driver took me to hospital where I was accused of being a time waster for being drunk and discharged to see my GP. My GP actually worked out that I had possibly been assaulted and assured me that it was sexual assault if I didn't remember consenting to sex. At the time I was playing the "what if I did consent and then I passed out and I just can't remember it" thoughts with her.

A blood test confirmed my alcohol level was sky high the morning afterwards and I had probably been spiked with alcohol in alcohol.

Take care of yourself. Do you have access to support in real life?

Definition of rape according to English and Welsh Law: rape occurs when one person penetrates another with their penis without the consent of the person being penetrated.

Why don’t you ask him if you have consent? Whatever though it was rape as legally being drunk means you can’t consent whatever the circumstances.

Take care.

I don't hear what exactly happened? Just to be clear what did you not give consent to - penetration? If so then it is clearly rape. I have not seen anything here that gives that vital piece of information.

Hi. From what you have said you weren't capable of consent. Absolutely that would meet the legal definition of rape (not sexual assault). What you do about it is your choice. You should find someone you trust and knows you well to confide in and talk with. You may or may not find Alicia Munroe's recent storyline in Casualty helpful to think through - you may find it unbelievably difficult so I can't entirely recommend it. You will find the various rape support charities helpful.

@Jim you aren't being controversial - the words you are looking for are an absolute bell-end.

Ignore the victim blamers. Your description of 'coming to' part way through makes it very clear you were raped (or sexually assaulted depending on the act).

You were unable to consent. As others have said, you have the right to define your own feelings and name it to your self in whatever way you choose, but either way he had absolutely no right to do it.

It's about bloody time that men stopped seeing consent as 'not saying no' and started seeing it as 'saying yes from a fully aware position'.

Shalt fuck off!!

I was in the same situation myself when I was 18, so I have a lot of insight into it! Not that it matters but I'm a woman!!

OP has detailed herself in the title if this was misadventure or rape.

You have 2 choices - call it rape and report it go through the judicial process which isn't pleasant and then spend the rest of your given days being traumatised you were raped. Rape cases are traumatic for all. OR you can put it down to gross misadventure and learn a very hard lesson about it. I'm very black and white about it having taken the view I should be more careful and since then I have.

Btw men even blind drunk but obviously not passed out can have the mechanics to have intercourse but not genuinely remember a thing about it. I've had sex with my partner and both of us are drunk he couldn't remember a thing about it without the obvious evidence!! Equally I've had sleep sex with both my LT partners (where you fully wake up half way through) and that isn't rape IMO.

All of those very well meaning people saying rape to this worried lady isn't going to help. Certainly didn't help me.

OP I chose to say what I did because I have insight, perhaps I shouldn't have been so blunt but hey we live and learn.

For 21 years I've blamed myself for something that happened to me after a night out. Thanks to this thread I've now realised I was unquestionably raped by a work colleague.

That night has haunted me ever since - just thinking about it now has made me feel sick.

But thank you for helping me realise it wasn't my fault after all.

Sorry to hijack.

Jim, if a man gets so drunk that he rapes a woman, he is still a rapist. If men can't be sure that they are in a fit state to ensure they 100% have the consent of any women they may want to have sex with while drinking, I would suggest they don't go out and get drunk. HTH.

Jim - it's nothing to do with pressing charges at all.

I was later physically abused by someone and it matters when I hear incidents labelled correctly - "that was assault". I don't know why - but I know it does.

@whistle73 took me years too. You have to forgive yourself.

Jim Do you not think it possible/probable that most of the responders here have also been raped or assaulted and are also speaking from experience?

I for one know the difference between the drunken sex now DH and I had back then, when I was too drunk to know which way was up, and the sexual assault and rape I endured when an 'friend' decided to take advantage of my drunken state.

Which was sex and which was rape is entirely down to my perception of it... and 'unpleasant' as the legal side of rape is, it isn't something to be avoided just because it isn't nice, as I also know from experience.

All of us "saying rape" to the OP are also saying that how she feels about it is all that matters, that she should feel no guilt but should trust her feelings to decide whether or not she was raped or assaulted.

And yes it would be rape

I feel like it messed me up quite a lot and is still unresolved over a decade later

Is that what you mean by how I feel about it?

I froze at the time

Fuck off Jim +1

Thank you everyone - really appreciate it

And  to @Whistle73 I'm so sorry. I hope you're ok

Yes balloons that is what I meant.

Using my experiences, I am not at all bothered by one act as my relationship with that man was wholly consensual, just that night I was 'walking dead drunk' and we did as we did every weekend, so he did nothing intoward within the relationship we had. We have now been together for 33 years.

The other was an assault, was rape. I did not consent, again I was dead drunk, but he was a friend who chose to take advantage of that to take from me something I would not have given. He hurt me, I pressed charges, he admitted it, in the end.

Because he did I have few unresolved issues about it... I did all my thinking and shouting about it when it happened. For me I had resolution.

What do you think it would take to help you find your own peace with what happened to you? Do you have anyone you could talk to in real life? Have you thought about finding a counsellor and simply talking it all through, raging with someone safe?

Symptoms of spiked drinks.

date rape sympotms

Whistle, sorry to hear about your experience. Hope you are okay.

I don't know.. You may have consented you may not of. Was the other guy also as wasted? Does he remember what happened.

If you read all of OPs posts you'd know this happened some time ago and he was not as drunk and so could of [sic] assessed her condition as being too drunk to consent.

If you “came to” half way through, that means you weren’t fully/conscious at the start. That means it was rape.

Was he as drunk as you as well. I think that question needs asking too

I think how you feel about it does matter. You were too drink to remember/consent. You felt traumatised and numb. I had a similar situation where I was blind drunk, had been chatting to a friend of a friend at a house party. Ended up upstairs somehow, vaguely aware of having sex, became slightly more aware as I roused myself to vomit over the edge of the bed. Nice. But, and it's a big but, I don't feel traumatised, it didn't bother me then and it doesn't bother me now. Was it rape? I'd say no as I imagine any rape to be traumatic. I'm sure many people here would say yes. It doesn't matter how I feel about my incident, yours has left you feeling traumatised and that to me makes a huge difference.

Greggers it has been... and OP has answered it, he was NOT!