Would this count as sexual assault or just misadventure?

[balloonsanddinosaurs]

So you were totally unbelievably drunk, you don't know if you gave consent or not as you "came to" mid way through

Had previously slept willingly with said person.

I'm not sure if it matters but trying to work some stuff out

Well according to some on here being drunk is classed as not able to consent...

OP I totally understand. You were drunk, you don’t think you would have consented to this but you can’t be sure enough to say it was rape. I’ve been here. It’s terribly difficult. However if you feel like you’ve been violated your feelings are perfectly valid. He might have thought you were as into it as he was. I’m not defending him in any way whatsoever but you’re just not sure. Get some help with how you feel about this and coming to terms with it. That should be your focus now. Look after yourself. I’m know I was raped, I know I would never have willingly engaged in what happened in a million years not only because of how drunk I was but who he was, how old he was etc. However if it had been someone else maybe who I had history with I wouldn’t have been so sure. Demon alcohol!!

@creeper - read the thread properly, not one person on this thread has said that.

Theres a difference between regretting sex because you were drunk and rape. Just my opinion.

I have a higher sex drive than dp. He knows that 99/100 I will be up for it. We have drunk sex, I'm usually more drunk. We have however talked about it previously, I've told him I consent to drunk sex and he knows my boundaries. Fun and spontaneous drunk sex is absolutely fine in similar circumstances.

This was different though. Fun drunk sex doesn't leave you traumatised for years. Clearly at the very least it was a very bad sexual experience.

PPs are confusing the two experiences and it's not helpful.

I have to say - I once got extremely drunk by mistake. I blacked out but have a flashback to consenting. The man was also drunk but not to my level. I blacked out so much that when I woke up I asked him what had happened and had we used protection. He was flabbergasted and said yes and talked me through the evening. I had a flashback about a week later that absolutely validated what he said. I remember telling him that it had been a while (horrifying) just before we had sex. I feel would be extremely unfair to classify him as a rapist. While I didn’t intend to get so drunk, I should still take responsibility for how much I drank. He is not a rapist despite my being incapacitated through my own bad judgement. He said I was lucid. I am ALWAYS told I don’t slur my words when drunk and even my now husband can’t tell when I’m very drunk. He had a consensual one night stand. My barrister friend says I was raped. Who knows. I know that since then I have been a LOT more careful not to drink too much so this can’t be a conundrum I ever have again. I don’t feel traumatised. I put it down to experience. He was a perfect nice man that I will likely see once every 10 years at our mutual friend’s big birthdays. Men simply cannot be called rapists 100% of the time when women wake up the next day wondering if they consented after they voluntarily drank themselves into oblivion. He, for one, would not have deserved that. Even if every other man in the world does.

I'm sorry but if you cannot give consent it's assault! It's happened to me but I blamed it on being paralytic and keeping quiet blaming myself as was drunk! Plz think carefully xx

*perfectly nice man. Not perfect...

NameChange1880 I completely agree with you. My experience was different in many ways and was definitely a rape but I totally understand what you say. Sometimes the demon drink and poor choices are to blame. You can’t brand every bloke in this situation a rapist. It is complicated and like you I’ve made sure I’ve never been in this situation again

@creeper

The key word here is CONSENT

Yes, of course you can have drunk sex, consent to it and still regret it - that’s not rape as you’ve consented.

But being so drunk that you were physically unable to CONSENT to having sex - in the eyes of the law - is classed as RAPE.

@balloonsanddinosaurs if you self refer to your nearest Sexual Assault Referral Centre you can have health care and your forensic options explained without police involvement. This can give you time to decide what you want to do but without losing your 'forensic window'. Take care

What a thread full of sadness and confusion. That's not meant as a judgey statement, I too have had an experience, where I've wondered if it was rape after the event.

The only thing I've got to add is that if somebody passes out half way through sex, the still conscious partner should stop having sex with them. Obviously.

www.consentiseverything.com

Just wanted to say thank you again to everyone

Especially to anyone who shared their own personal story - sadly too numerous to mention