Am I having an affair?

[Virtuallyconfused]

I'll try not to drip feed, just feeling very confused.

I joined an online forum for an interest I have and started chatting to someone. We ended up chatting privately from the main forum, and talking about our private lives after a while.

We are both married, neither with children, and live in different continents. Right from the start we have both been clear that we would never meet up in real life, or leave our relationships.

But our conversations have gone from chat, to frank conversations about our lives and relationships, and now to talking in a sexual way.

We aren't in love, we are just friends, and will never ever make this a reality.

It developed so easily, and feels so nice to have someone I can be open and honest with.

It doesn't feel wrong, because it feels like it will never impact on my real life.

But is it a friendship or an affair anyway?

This is an emotional affair.
My husband had one and it devastated me.
All that time invested, someone to share your thoughts and feelings with ?
It has caused so much pain.
Please ask yourself what your looking for and try and work on your marriage.

It's not a friendship, I don't know if its an emotional affair.

It's just this thing that has developed between us. I realise it has the potential to hurt. I realise it's a part of my real life when I had to find time to myself to talk to him over Skype.

It's feeling very real.

And I need to work out what to do now.

I feel so sorry for your husband. The poor guy likely has no clue any of this is going on (and if he does, it must be fucking killing him) and all the while, his wife doesn't even realise she's doing anything wrong. My heart goes out to him, it really does.

And I need to work out what to do now

Surely that’s easy? You either respect your DH and conduct yourself in a man err that’s compatible with that or leave so you can carry on.

It is an emotional affair. You're having "frank" conversations about your relationship(s) and sending sexual messages. What do you think an EA is? If you wouldn't want your respective partners to see the messages then you have crossed a line.

And I need to work out what to do now.

It is not as complicated as you are making it out to be.

@LuckyDonnelly are you for real? Let's see how you feel if someone you love cheats on you

Yes, you are having an affair and you know you are.
Sexting is cheating - anyone can tell you that.

I really hope you stop it. If not, I really hope your poor husband finds out and finds someone more loyal.

And I need to work out what to do now.

It's not difficult is it?

I think that you should just ghost him. Don't give him the opportunity to talk you out of it. Block, delete. No debate. It's not often I say that because I think ghosting is cowardly, but for the sake of your and DH's future it's necessary, I think.

It's hardly ghosting when it's an internet "relationship". Neither of them owes the other one anything.

*It's feeling very real.

And I need to work out what to do now.*

Well, I would suggest that running off into the sunset with the online man is not going to happen and if you were to suggest it he would probably run a mile.

So the choices in respect of the online relationship are:

a) carry on and hope you don't get caught
b) stop

However, there is clearly some kind of issue within your marriage that is making you do this - even if it is just a bit of boredom. I would suggest you address the issue. It may be fixable and your relationship could end up the stronger for it. I would not personally advise telling your DH of this matter.

All this time that you are putting into this relationship, you are taking in away from your legitimate partner. We only have this much energy. You are fantasizing about this person. Affair

Op u need to walk away it will end in tears. Believe me I've Been there.
Starting talking to a friend on f.b messenger. Soon turned to emotional talk then sex talk. He put a stop to it because im married.
I've been honest to my dh its all out now. I5 was the biggest head fuck.

The thing is, it's not real.

The interaction is real, but everything else around it is based on fantasy.

You are having virtual sex with another man.

*YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR.
*
If you are so sure it is ok, go and tell your poor partner right now. Show them the messages and watch them crumble.

Stop pretending to be so innocent. You are fooling no one.

Wind up merchant

To MrsTobe90 get a life you judgemental sanctimonious mare. Maybe you should turn your attention internally before commenting on honest and open posts. Love and kisses babe.

you're encouraging someone to sleep with someone other than their husband. do one you skank. Love and kisses babe

It's no more an "affair" than you posting all this on here is akin to seeing a "therapist" or a man looking at porn online is "cheating". It doesn't count if it's online and detached from reality.

Yes OP you are having an affair.

I won't berate you for it. Sometimes things like that help us see what is making us unhappy. It's wrong and it hurts people around you. I am not condoning it. But sometimes our emotions manifest in this way. Sometimes they creep up on you.

You need to assess what is missing from your marriage. You are clearly turning to this man to fill some kind of void. You know it won't go anywhere but you have been talking to him like this for a reason.

Do you miss intimacy with your husband?
Do you have new things you want to explore maybe,
Or maybe you're just not feeling about your husband that way anymore?

I did something similar before I left my ex. I was with him 10 years. I should have left him alot sooner and my denial of those feelings manifested in similar ways.

In a good drama the guy is actually your husband under disguise. Now how do you feel ?

If you picked up your husband's phone and found sexting messages between him and another person, would you say that it doesn't mean anything and that nobody would get hurt ? Of course not.

Sexting is just as damaging as having sex with the person . You are thinking of sex with him, imagining what it would be like etc. Yes you are having an affair.

Oh FFS! You really can't be this stupid. You've clearly conveniently defined an affair in such narrow terms to exclude what you are doing.

You know what you're doing is inappropriate but rather than accepting that, you're making excuses.

Sexting some guy from the internet, classy!

My ex did this. It went way further. We split. They married. I know this is just friendship but its nudging into dangerous territory. I think talk to your husband. If he's comfy with the friendship then why not. If he's feeling in any way uncomfortable then best to pull back a little

If you won't allow your hubby to read your messages to this other man then it's cheating