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Original poster

Had an argument, DD won't talk to me.

113 replies

ddproblems38 · 28/08/2018 18:08

DD (24) and I had an argument over the phone a few days ago. I exchanged a few choice words with her and as a result she's now blocked my number and her father's number which I think is a bit extreme. Angry I've been texting her friends but she must have told them something, because all of them are ignoring me. Feeling v frustrated, what can I do??

OP posts:
Thatsfuckingshit · 28/08/2018 19:06

You called her names because she wouldn't come round for dinner?

I wonder why she doesn't want to come and has blocked you? Hmm

I take it that your dh always sides with you or at least just keeps his head down and let's you get on with it.

She isn't obliged to put you first. You need to grow up

negomi90 · 28/08/2018 19:08

You don't get on and she doesn't want to go to family dinner with you.
Seems like a sensible decision not selfish.

Strokethefurrywall · 28/08/2018 19:09

What an unimaginative reverse. Fucks sake.

DramaAlpaca · 28/08/2018 19:09

I have a 24 year old. You need to back right off & let her live her life, and make her own decisions about whether she attends family stuff or not. Mine sometimes does & sometimes doesn't, and that's fine. Texting her friends is a big no-no. What on earth were you thinking?

Original poster
ddproblems38 · 28/08/2018 19:11

Not a reverse, I NC-ed because I'm usually active on another board.

OP posts:
Pippylou · 28/08/2018 19:13

Do you want to get in touch so that you can continue to harangue her?

Distancehelp · 28/08/2018 19:14

What have you hoped to achieve through posting? Do you want people to tell you how to fix it (apologise, give her space) or to agree that you’ve done the right thing? Or something else?

Maybe step back and ask yourself how old you are being in this relationship, and what it represents for you.

Flashingbeacon · 28/08/2018 19:15

Imagine she’s texting your friends and airing your dirty laundry. Does the seem ok?
In what way is she selfish? What would be the consequences of not coming to a family meal?
I can’t imagine an answer to these questions that would explain this situation.

Anonymumm · 28/08/2018 19:16

I have to say, I think you're in the wrong - you're entitled to be disappointed but you shouldn't put that kind of pressure on her, and then because she hasn't been a 'people pleaser' start name calling her, especially if your relationship was already strained.

I think you've had a parental tantrum and need to say sorry.

Also, she's 24, a woman, an adult - unless you were genuinely concerned for her safety, then it's a bit OTT/verging on an invasion of privacy to go texting all of her friends like that - you'll just be fuelling the fire.

Yutes · 28/08/2018 19:16

Her friends ignoring you is by the by. No wonder their ignoring you. They’re her friends, so that’s who they support and/or stay out of it.

There must be more to this. So if you don’t really get on, why were you insisting she come to a family dinner?
To make matters worse you then used some choice words, which were no doubt very cutting, when are refused.

If she’s blocked you, then she doesn’t want to speak to you or her father. You need to let the dust settle then decide if you can (or want to) repair your relationship.

mostdays · 28/08/2018 19:16

Perhaps you could write her a letter apologising for being so unkind (and literally just that- an apology, not further recriminations or attempts to excuse yourself or any rehashing of the argument or requests for her to contact you, and then leave it to her to decide whether she wants contact. Harassing her via friends is dreadful!

bethy15 · 28/08/2018 19:20

Why do you think you have the right to tell her where she has to go and when?

You do realise she is her own person and not yours? She's not selfish, however you are for expecting her to play up to your whims.

And then, because you didn't get as you wanted you called her unkind names.

No wonder she doesn't want to contact you. You sound like my mother, and I'd go NC with her if I could. You clearly have a very toxic relationship, and I think it's time you realise your role in this.

mama17 · 28/08/2018 19:21

Some people on here are so mean, yes she the daughter is old enough to make her own decisions and yes maybe the lady shouldn't have messaged her friends, BUT we don't know the full story and she may have been worried about her. I too would have probably message my child's friends to check that she is ok. I don't understand why people are on here if they only want to upset people. This lady is probably upset as it is by being blocked from all contact by her daughter with out all these awful comments. I'm sure this page was to bring everyone together and provide honest opinions. There's a way of saying things which doesn't have to be so cruel!!!!

ProseccoPoppy · 28/08/2018 19:22

Why on earth would you contact her friends?! That will have massively escalated how irritated she’ll feel now. Even if you think you are in the right about the dinner (which tbh I am not sure you are) you really really need to give her some breathing space and then - when she is ready to speak to you - apologise for being so incredibly intrusive.

Singlenotsingle · 28/08/2018 19:23

Just leave it. She'll get in touch when she wants something when she's ready

Notonthestairs · 28/08/2018 19:24

Good grief, leave her alone. You are making things worse.

I can understand you are disappointed but that was all you needed to say. You catch more flies with honey etc etc.

If and when she gets in contact apologise for what you said and leave it be.

LonginesPrime · 28/08/2018 19:24

Feeling v frustrated, what can I do??

You could try backing off and recognising that she's an adult!

She's likely blocked you because of your manipulative behaviour and your boundary issues. Why would you call a 24 year old's friends because she's not talking to you?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 28/08/2018 19:26

The OP didn’t say anything about being worried for her daughter.

Honestly I would have exploded if my mum had tried this. You invited her to a dinner, she said no, you called her names and then texted all her friends.

I can see why you’ve never got on.

If you want to apologise write her a letter.

Pinkandproud · 28/08/2018 19:29

I think we need more context here, but agree with others that you should leave her well alone for now.

Original poster
ddproblems38 · 28/08/2018 19:29

I don't know her exact address as she refuses to tell me what it is (another point of contention between us).

OP posts:
salopek · 28/08/2018 19:30

Christ. I feel sorry for both of you.

Your DD is an adult, if she doesn't want to go to a family dinner, that's her decision.

I can't get over the fact you have been texting her friends. How embarrassing!! If my mum did this (and she probably would if she had any of my friends' numbers) then I'd block her on all social media and not talk to her too!

You need to let your DD be an adult and stop being so overbearing.

premiertav · 28/08/2018 19:30

I too would have probably message my child's friends to check that she is ok.

What!! Because she didn't want to go to a family event?

That's absolutely nuts.

premiertav · 28/08/2018 19:30

Also, she is 24, not a child.

salopek · 28/08/2018 19:30

I'm not surprised she hasn't told you where she lives. You'd probably be around every evening intruding on her private life!

bethy15 · 28/08/2018 19:31

Some people on here are so mean, yes she the daughter is old enough to make her own decisions and yes maybe the lady shouldn't have messaged her friends, BUT we don't know the full story and she may have been worried about her. I too would have probably message my child's friends to check that she is ok. I don't understand why people are on here if they only want to upset people. This lady is probably upset as it is by being blocked from all contact by her daughter with out all these awful comments. I'm sure this page was to bring everyone together and provide honest opinions. There's a way of saying things which doesn't have to be so cruel!!!!

Then you haven't read what the OP has actually done to her daughter.

She wanted her own way, for her to go to a family dinner. When she was turned down she decided to call her unpleasant names, for no other reason than the girl is 24 and has her own life to live.

She now wants her own way again and wants to speak to her, and because she is blocked is contacting her friends.

The OP has no boundaries with her daughter and uses poison unless she gets her own way.

Q.Who calls their daughter horrible names because they can't come to dinner?
A. A toxic parent.

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