Had an argument, DD won't talk to me.

[ddproblems38]

DD (24) and I had an argument over the phone a few days ago. I exchanged a few choice words with her and as a result she's now blocked my number and her father's number which I think is a bit extreme. I've been texting her friends but she must have told them something, because all of them are ignoring me. Feeling v frustrated, what can I do??

You sound controlling in the extreme tbh. I think you need to think hard about you relationship with your daughter. Do you envisage being able to order her to attend events you want her to go to for the rest of your life?

She has a right to make her own choices - both about events she attend and about who she interacts with. Your refusal to acknowledge her boundaries and her right to make her own choices speaks volumes.

I'm 24, I would be very angry if my DM contacted my friends after an argument. Give her some space, this is a very ott reaction over a family get together.

Just stop.
I have dc that age. I decided years ago that i would never make them feel guilty about family events or christmas. They are invited. If they come, great. If they cant/dont want to, fine. No explanations or excuses needed.
Unless its nannas funeral!

It's pretty obvious that she hasn't blocked you over the family event. You are clearly vv overbearing. Leave her alone. She won't start talking to you until you give her some space.

And i would never contact friends unless they went awol

At 24 it would be odd if she put you first!

She's an adult.

Calling her friends is overstepping the mark too! Boundaries!

She doesn't want to go to a family event, that is her choice. Please let her make her own decisions, don't contact her friends and leave her alone at the moment, you could send a sorry card in the post. She is a grown woman, treat her like one.

op, sort yourself out. Good Lord. Putting you first... texting her friends! No wonder she's trying to escape you!

How ridiculously controlling of you op!

She is 24 not 4!!

No wonder she's had enough of you and your overbearing ways.

You should grow up and treat her like a respected adult if you want her to treat you in the same way.

Nothing worse than a bossy, histrionic, rude, badmouthed mother. Very chavvy.

Fluffy - using classist insults is pretty unpleasant too.

Blimey!
I wouldn't even know DD's friends' number So!
Why on earth is it so vital that she attends that you've lost your rag with her?

You know precisely why you've been cut off. Leave her alone. What was texting her friends all about, if you really wanted to hack her off some more that would have done it. She is 24 and can make her own decisions. The world does not revolve around you and she seems to have finally figured that out.

Reverse? Surely.

It's hard when our kids - as adults - choose to do things we'd prefer that they didn't do

But that's how it is. You can't make your DD into the person that you want her to be. You can't force her make the choices that you want her to make

It might feel as if she doesn't put you first but she's under no obligation to put you anywhere - and yes, it hurts , but trying to make her see things your way , will just drive her away.

Send her a letter apologising for your words and for being interfering

Tell her that you'll back off and allow her to live her life

Tell her that you love her

And then honour your promises

And hope that your letter will build bridges, in time

To those asking, it was a family dinner.

Admittedly I called her some things I shouldn’t have, but we’ve never got on well and her selfishness is irritating.

Why make her go to something she doesn't want to?
Are you worried that it will make you look like bad parents with a selfish DD?
She is an adult, why should she put you or anyone else (assuming she doesn't have children) first?

My dds are 24 and 27.

I’d ask them if they’d like to come to a family event and maybe even say I think they should make the effort. I wouldn’t have an argument about it though. They’re adults.

God you sound horrendously overbearing, I'm not surprised she's had enough.

Admittedly I called her some things I shouldn’t have, but we’ve never got on well and her selfishness is irritating.

I wonder who she gets that from...

Well your last post describes why she’s blocked you. I don’t blame her.

OP in the nicest possible way, let her be.

It’s exhausting being manipulated and bullied into cooperating with your parents.

My Dad hit me with the most horrific emotional blackmail when I said I wouldn’t be going to my brother’s latest wedding. He hurt me so much I didn’t speak to him for 3 days.

You will drive her away for good if you don’t reconsider your behaviour.

I have adult DC. Generally they're very keen to come to family events, sometimes they can't make it and that's fine too. There's clearly a long back story here.

She's not supposed to put you first. You're her parents not her children.

And it sounds like she just doesn't want to be around you. And may have good reason.

What did you call her?!

Is this a reverse?