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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just got dumped (again) DILEMMA

80 replies

AsleepAllDay · 28/08/2018 16:04

This will be outing but oh well

I have lived in the U.K. for two years. Near the end of my time I started dating a man, let's call him C

For the time we were together, it was like love on steroids. I've been in love before but this was incredible and we both agreed it was so special and new

I went back home to my country. We agreed to stay together until I return.

My stay at home went on for months more than expected out of my hands and control.

The distance between us grew and I suffered. He broke up with me and I cried for weeks.

I am now coming back to the U.K. I still have feelings for C and tentatively thought we could see each other and figure it out

He now says he is seeing someone new and has chosen that path. He still has feelings for me and cares about me but he never thought I would return and so moved on accordingly

I'm coming back and this has really blindsided me. But to be coming back, I will be leaving a job I've just started in my home country (law firm) that has huge opportunity for advancement.

My work in the U.K. will be in my old field, which I am tired of and want to change at some point in my life.

At home, I'm living with family.

C was a HUGE part of my decision for returning to the U.K.

I also liked the lifestyle in the U.K. but Australia is still good

Do I stay in my home country and in my law job with the chance for being in a fulfilling career and living at home in a city I'll be with my family in?

Or do I come to the U.K. and hope C comes to his senses and do a job I think I will hate?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 28/08/2018 16:06

Looking in from the outside, I don't see what decision needs to be made. Stay in Australia. Flowers

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2018 16:07

You stay where you are!

He gave you no reason to think he was still interested and has been clear he’s moved on and has another relationship.

Why would you jack in a great job you love for one you’ll hate?

Don’t undo the good work you’ve done making a new life for yourself. If you really want to move back then do it for yourself, not to pursue a man who’s with someone else.

DelphiniumBlue · 28/08/2018 16:07

He says he's moved on.
You'll be giving up a great job and leaving your family to move across the world to a job you hate. Doesn't sound like a great plan.

Gemini69 · 28/08/2018 16:08

Screw C.. he sounds like a DICK... stay in Oz Flowers

MrsMozart · 28/08/2018 16:09

Australia.

letsdolunch321 · 28/08/2018 16:10

Stay in your home country, C has made his decision. If you move back to the UK you may find you are lonely and broke due to accomodation/living cost.

AsleepAllDay · 28/08/2018 16:17

Also I have borderline personality disorder so my feelings and reactions are always huge and magnified, hence wanting advice

I love London and living there was so exciting but my new job is so rewarding

OP posts:
AsleepAllDay · 28/08/2018 16:18

And when I say family, I mean very religious and conservative family!

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 28/08/2018 16:21

I would stay in Australia.

Storm4star · 28/08/2018 16:22

I think you have to forget about C. If you love your new job then stay where you are. It doesn't mean you have to stay there forever if you don't want to but it sounds like the right choice for now. I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason so I would take this to mean you should stay.

AntiHop · 28/08/2018 16:24

So sorry to hear that. I can feel your pain and the strength of your feeling. I have been there myself, waiting around for a man I adored, assuming that he'd remember that we were meant to be. It never happened. If this man wanted to be with you, he'd be with you.

Move on, stay in Australia. Time will heal.

Haquina · 28/08/2018 16:26

Stay and move forward with your career and life. London and the romance was an adventure but it’s done.

Bombardier25966 · 28/08/2018 16:30

Screw C.. he sounds like a DICK... stay in Oz

Does he? He has been honest with the OP and told her he has moved on. It wasn't even a long term relationship.

I'm sorry you're hurting OP. If you do come back to the UK do it for yourself, not for a man that does not want to be with you.

MayFayner · 28/08/2018 16:36

Stay in Australia, concentrate on your career and get you own place.

And you haven’t really been dumped, IMO. You had an intense love affair that ended due to your circumstances. Put the experience in your back pocket and move on.

PolkaDoting · 28/08/2018 16:36

I don’t think he’s done anything wrong.

Love on steroids type relationships tend to burn out and then you’re left with a job you don’t love.

I’d stay in oz

StormTreader · 28/08/2018 16:38

What would you get out of coming back to the UK that would offset the "sitting in a cold room in London, pining"? Stay in Oz a long way away from him where you wont accidentally run into him or be reminded of him is what I would do.

Thatsfuckingshit · 28/08/2018 16:49

You didn't just get dumped. He broke up with you a while ago.

He made it clear it was done. He has moved on and should have no part of the decision you are making.

You love your job. Stay there. If you still want to move In a year or so, you experience might help you find a job in that field in the UK.

C has been very clear. It's over. You need accept that.

userxx · 28/08/2018 16:56

Stay in Australia. He's been honest with you, even though its hard to hear.

ShatnersWig · 28/08/2018 17:19

Screw C.. he sounds like a DICK...

No he doesn't. FFS.

But yes, stay in Australia.

cantstandmenow · 28/08/2018 17:27

It's a no brainer. Stay where you are. This will pass.

And I don't think sounds like a dick at all. I think he was just trying to let you down gently. He could have let you travel across the world to boost his ego, kept his options open, but he didn't.

Gemini69 · 28/08/2018 17:49

I have borderline personality disorder so my feelings and reactions are always huge and magnified

and He would know this.... walk away and find happiness Flowers

ScattyCharly · 28/08/2018 17:57

Stay.
I

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 28/08/2018 18:02

Another saying stay. Unrequited love in a lonely city would be awful.

Sierra259 · 28/08/2018 18:08

Stay where you are. He's been honest with you and there's really no good reason to leave a job you love to come back to the UK as he's been clear he's chosen someone else. Ultimately you have to come to terms with the fact that that it just wasn't meant to be - though it will probably be horribly painful for a while Flowers

Dieu · 28/08/2018 18:14

There really is no dilemma, as per your thread title. It would be utter madness to move here for a man who has moved on. Not to mention quite pathetic.
So sorry if that sounds harsh OP, but a reality check was needed! I wish you well and hope that the hurt starts to subside soon Flowers

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