I got a creepy message from an acquaintances husband last night

[Cockapoomummy]

I’ve another thread about how he did it (Facebook messenger). I’ve blocked him.

Should I tell her though?

I’m divorced, early days dating someone if that’s relevant.

At the end of the day, the person at fault here is HIM, not you. Your behaviour, at the dump or online, was not "wrong" or "encouraging" or any other shit. Its nothing to do with how tight your joggers were or what kind of bra you were wearing / not wearing. He was a sleaze and you reacted like a decent person.

I would feel absolutely as you do OP and if I was his wife I would want to know too,

So true @noeledmondsbeard
Some posters starting point is "how can i make her feel stupid, and worse than she does?"

Op, have you thought about getting some therapy to help you come to terms with what happened when you were stalked? It would appear you've not come to terms with it and it's still causing you distress, so possibly some professional help might be beneficial.

Yes you have over reacted here, " scared, dirty, ashamed, can't sleep". These words based on this message are a major over reaction clearly due to your past experiences.

As others have said you've done nothing wrong. He's been a bit flirty and over stepped the mark. You've blocked him, it should not be distressing you like this.

Does his wife know you had a stalker?

He is testing the waters. Nice guy

Send the wife the screen shot and say youve blocked dh because the convo made you uncomfortable after what you previously went through.

it's honestly not an over reaction to be disgusted by the entitlement of this man, disturbed by his blatant lack of respect, anxious about potential friendship group fallout, and utterly furious about being put in this position, and how it's commonly seen as something women are just expected to deal with if we are found to be in possession of buttocks in a public place

however counselling could be good, I do agree, but not because these feelings are abnormal or weird, they absolutely are not. just that it would be good to have somewhere to work through them without running the risk of being judged, blamed, minimised, talked down to etc

FB is apparently the free app for married men/ sleazes to test the water.

I’ve had it numerous times and I too was polite in responding in benign ways.

It really rattled me when each married man would message late at night, based on what they’d seen on my profile, pics of me on nights out etc.

I stopped being polite, removed, blocked and used judgement on whether messages were genuinely friendly or sniffing.

I’ve not had a stalker, yet it made me adjust my posts and think about what it was attracted them and made them think it was OK to do so. I don’t get it now, but for a good year or so after separating from DS’s father it’s what happened a lot.

With hindsight, these blokes had always been players and it was inevitable - I’m hardly Beyoncé.

But I was offended and got really angry after about the fifth because the assumption was I’d be flattered and gagging for the attention - despite the fact I’d just been cheated on myself. Cheating men - even wannabe cheats repulse me and always have.

I think this would trigger you OP and make you feel pretty uncomfortable given your history. Just know that it was probably him chancing his arm, he saw you once and thought you’d be flattered. Because he’s a prick.

As for his wife, I’m sure she must realise he’s not trustworthy - probably knows he has a roving eye. I’m not sure I’d send the message as it would prolong the ordeal.

Put it behind you and accept it brought up a lot of uncomfortable memories and I hope you find some equilibrium. There are a lot of chancers out there who do this and thankfully, they’re not all going to take it further and in this instance, he can’t anyway.

Best wishes.

Bluntness the suggestion that I need therapy to deal with a dirty sleaze is so offensive as to be laughable. I am fine in day to say life when not being perved at by sleazeballs. The problem is with the sleazeball not me. So no, I won’t be going for therapy.

And thanks to everyone who “gets” it. And to those who have experienced the same.
I spoke to NewMan today and ended up telling him - he didn’t belittle my experience or tell me to go for therapy he was caring and understanding and I’m glad I told him.

It was very creepy and very disrespectful. That and the comment about his wife says a lot about him.

I would certainly want to know if my husband did this.... As he'd soon be my Ex H.

There's little chance a sleaze like him hasn't cheated and this could be the kick for her to realise he's a waste of space.

It's really hard to do Cocker - I've been in a similar position myself, where I went over ALL of the things I had ever said to this man, every little nuance of voice and gesture and expression - could I have possibly done/said/implied something that made him think I was interested? In the end I spoke to a friend who is a Samaritan (spoke to her as a friend, but she brought her training into the conversation, obviously - heard me out, didn't interrupt, validated my feelings, didn't judge, didn't make me feel like shite) and then when I had got matters straight in my own mind, and asked her as a friend what she would do in my situation - she told me, but also said "But that is me - it might not be right for you. You do what is right for you")

It took talking it out, and realising that it wasn't my fault - it was this individual who was taking advantage of my confusion (I'm not a woman who has ever attracted a lot of male attention - I was incredibly flustered and shocked, and thought that I must have done something).

I finally told my husband, and he offered to "have words" - but I didn't want trouble, which it could have come to - I was happy sorting it out myself but I wanted DH to know what was happening - I needed his support. Telling him was SO difficult!

Sorry this happened to you, but I agree with Bluntness.
The amount of left over anxiety from your previous ordeal is overwhelming you with emotional flooding that is affecting your activities of daily life.

This bloke was rude, true. But you chopped him down with your reply and blocked him. (Well done!) That should be the end of.

That it isn’t, imho, and in the most gentlest way, may be due to you not having fully recovered from the stalker. Time by itself sometimes isn’t enough to properly heal; and counseling can be relevant at different stages of recovery if you initially had help (sorry can’t go back to check -the website is in a funk and won’t let me open another tab to go back to check).

And, imho, a suggestion of counseling is not an insult; counseling is simply coaching in the realm of social dynamics. Nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. Hth.

Bluntness didn’t say counselling (which I’ve had). She said therapy. Which is a different thing