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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I got a creepy message from an acquaintances husband last night

138 replies

Cockapoomummy · 26/08/2018 12:20

I’ve another thread about how he did it (Facebook messenger). I’ve blocked him.

Should I tell her though?

I’m divorced, early days dating someone if that’s relevant.

OP posts:
theanonymum1 · 26/08/2018 13:11

@Lovemusic33 I have been that girl, with the newborn baby and a boyfriend that was outwardly affectionate but also messaging women on the sly, not quite crossing the sexual line but definitely inappropriate as far as I was concerned. I didn't find out until much later and really wish someone would have told me. If at all possible, please let that girl know, although I know it must be difficult.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/08/2018 13:14

Why are you scared? Agree with Mum11970 Maybe because, as she has repeated a couple of times for the hard of reading, she has been stalked before and is scared it might be happening again.

So her unusually heightened response is rooted in past experience not unsubstantiated niggles.

Cockappomummy I'm not sure I'd send it to his wife, but if I were you I too would be waiting for his next message with a certain amount of trepidation. Could you hold out until you have moved and then try to put him out of mind?

Ginorchoc · 26/08/2018 13:14

That makes sense as it sounds as though his behaviour has triggered the past. It’s unlikely this will progress to anything and he you not had the past experience you’d think nothing more of it than he is being an arse. It might be worth speaking to wife if you think it’ll help. I suspect you won’t hear anymore, blocking him may have made him realise he was out of order.

Squidgee · 26/08/2018 13:16

he's not noticing your movements ffs.

He happened to see you at the dump and notice you were driving a red Peugeot.

I get you'll react a little more because what you've been through, but you are over-reacting here.

He isn't stalking you.

Oakmaiden · 26/08/2018 13:16

I get that your past experiences are colouring this for you - but almost certainly he would be horrified if he realised how upset it has made you. I don't think this is the start of a stalker - I think this is someone who noticed you at the dump, saw your car (and some people do recognise car types without having to consciously think about it) and has made an inappropriate comment. You have shut him down, and that will be that.

I get why you are scared, but not every entitled prick of a man is a stalker waiting to happen. The vast majority are just thoughtless and self centred.

worstmotherintheworld · 26/08/2018 13:16

I understand why you are rattled but I expect the truth is that he's a creep and a nosy git too. I think your replies to his text were perfect, polite and non-committal but I wouldn't take it further as it stands.

Tara336 · 26/08/2018 13:22

HEs chancing his arm to see if you would show interest. You’ve done the right thing blocking him and maybe the comment about the car was because he was checking it was actually you? It’s really creepy what he said I wouldn’t like it either (been stalked too). It’s up to you if you tell his wife or not. I was hassled by an ex and decided to tell his new GF at first she didn’t believe me but when I showed her proof and we started cross referencing a few things his web of lies came out..

Dollymixture22 · 26/08/2018 13:25

He is a creep. Definitely block him. Hopefully he gets the message.

As for the wife if you haven’t been friends for years I would leave it. I would tell a closer friend though but not get in contact with someone after years just to bring this news.

Poor woman (if they are still together) and poor you. You handled it perfectly.

supadupapupascupa · 26/08/2018 13:25

Might be a stupid question but he isn’t the stalker from years ago is he? I assume not and that you do know the identity of the other one?

LetsGoBitches · 26/08/2018 13:27

He’s sniffing around for an extramarital affair. Block him on your phone, and don’t reply.
Take a screen shot and send it to his wife. Then block her.

For your previous experience 💐
Have you contacted victim support? It sounds to me that you might have post traumatic stress? My sympathies.

Good luck with your move and new life!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 26/08/2018 13:29

Ignore posters saying that you 'shouldn't be' scared or rattled.

It is absolute right that you listen to your instincts and of course it's bloody understandable that you feel unsettled by it. I hope that blocking him will be an end to it, OP.

WhyIsntGeorgeCalledPeterOrPaul · 26/08/2018 13:29

I would send it to the wife. I would 100% want to know if my OH was doing it. In fact, I'd be pretty annoyed if people were receiving messages like that from my OH and not telling me.

Theresnodisneyending · 26/08/2018 13:31

but almost certainly he would be horrified if he realised how upset it has made you

Who the fuck are you to think you can guess stuff like this? Men that creep and cheat on wives/partners etc would be "horrified" knowing how they upset someone?? LMAO.

OP, you have nothing and noone to apologise or explain yourself to or for, fgs, are women not even allowed to feel scared anymore?

funnylittlefloozie · 26/08/2018 13:32

Given your history of being stalked, i understand your reaction, but try not to panic. When i first split from my ex-H, i got an obscene number of messages from male friends and acquaintances, ranging from the mildly creepy, to sleazy, to downright obscene. Newly single women are fair game to a certain type of man. Its vanishingly unlikely that any of them will turn into actual stalkers. I suspect that now you have given this man an explicit "get lost", that you will not hear from him again.

Theresnodisneyending · 26/08/2018 13:32

Yes, Id tell her. Knowing years down the line that others knew and never said? Devastating.

StorminaTCut · 26/08/2018 13:34

I wouldnt have answered him.

Hes fishing for a shag from anyone, or at the least some 'sexting' Envy
You may be one of many that he has text.
Just ignore him & forward it to his wife.

Original poster
Cockapoomummy · 26/08/2018 13:35

All those who are FFSing me. Good for you. I hope you feel better. I was stalked for YEARS and it is totally terrifying. It was all easily explainable stuff in the beginning that just kind of felt off but wasn’t big enough to do anything about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cockapoomummy · 26/08/2018 13:36

He’s not the stalker from years ago that was someone else.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/08/2018 13:37

You say he made sexualised 'comments'.

So what else did he say, apart from the comment about your arse?

Original poster
Cockapoomummy · 26/08/2018 13:39

That was it. Cute ass. I wouldn’t comment cute ass to anyone - it’s a sexualised comment. On my view.

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 26/08/2018 13:39

Given your past experience of stalking and the impact on mental health I understand why you’re stressed
Keep it as a screenshot but don’t send on to his wife,no point getting involved in a he said drama that’ll escalate
Keep the screenshot, block him, if he contacts again then you tell his wife

ComedyBoobs · 26/08/2018 13:39

I've also had a stalker in the past & I'd be rattled too, op. Sending screenshots of the messages to his wife isn't 'flinging shit', it's about protecting yourself from unwanted attention & sends a clear message you are not to be messed with.

52FestiveRoad · 26/08/2018 13:40

No I wouldn’t be rattled by that. A know what car half the members in my local gym drive because I’ve seen them park up, not because I’m perving at them.

But do you tell them they have a cute ass as well as the fact that you know which make of car they drive? That is clearly part of the reason the OP feels rattled. OP I would feel unnerved in your situation too.

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2018 13:42

That was it. Cute ass. I wouldn’t comment cute ass to anyone - it’s a sexualised comment. On my view.

Yes but don't blow it out of proportion. You've turned comment into comments a couple of times on this thread and remember, he's showed no signs at all of stalking you.

Tell his wife if you want to and obviously tighten your security settings, so you don't receive unsolicited messages.

But don't blow it all up in your head and scare yourself over what hasn't happened.

RedNed · 26/08/2018 13:47

I wouldn't have replied to his message and blocked.

I've had an 'admirer' when I was early 20s and it really stressed me. I eventually went travelling and moved away but it was really scary.