I must first start off by saying I am an alcoholic. My boyfriend left me 2 months ago as he says he was sick of the relapses and the lies. However, I should add that he was not at all a great boyfriend but I do love him- he was emotionally abusive and out of the house most of the time due to his training schedule. I always felt lonely and neglected. I wrote the following to him this evening and I have put his response. I don't know how to react. Any thoughts?
Me: I do not want you to tell this to anyone, not even your mum, but I thought I would just say to you that although there is never any real excuse, people often have an addiction for a reason. I think it can sometimes be to blot things out. At least, that's what it is for me.
When I was in [a foreign country in a particular year] I was raped. I was 21 at the time and it is because I got drunk on a night out, put myself in danger and wasn't able to defend myself. I blamed myself at the time and I still do now to a certain extent. I was really stupid and made myself very vulnerable. It was by a complete stranger and was when I got off the train in a drunken stupor and was walking home alone. I didn't report it and just blocked it out for years but then I started to have flashbacks and they made me feel worthless. I'm talking it through with my counsellor but just wanted you to know (which I hope you already do) that I'm not a horrible person and that I really want to give the drinking up for good. I just need to learn how to cope with things normally again.
Apart from my counsellor you are the only person I have ever told this to so I would really appreciate if you could keep it to yourself.
His response was this: I won’t say a word to anyone. Thanks for sharing and I know you’re not a horrible person.
He is the only person I have ever told and I feel very let down. I haven't even told my family. I feel like he maybe thinks it was my fault.