Hi everybody. I have seen some great advice on this forum, we used it a lot when my son (now 7) was born, but this one is slightly different, and hopefully somebody can help me.
I will really try and be as sensitive as I can, I don’t want I get flamed on here. I appreciate that I could never comprehend what it is like to have hormones everywhere, but unfortunately I feel like my situation is spiralling further and further out of control.
My partner (26F) can be very stubborn, as can I, especially in an argument. 99% of the time we get on great, buy an argument can really take it out of both of us as we are both to proud to take any responsibility at the time. I am always the one to admit fault (even when I do not think I was necessarily in the wrong) just to get the argument finished. The problem then is I am sort of left having to work hard for a couple of weeks to get the relationship going on all burners again. I suppose it’s better than the alternative, because I do think the world of her, but it is starting to wear me down.
To get back onto my point, these arguments (over nothing but can go on a few days) tend to crop up around the time of my partners period. I am generally very laid back, but I have found myself putting in extra effort around this time to give a wider berth. Again, please let me stress, I do not envy anyone who has to go through this. But it’s starting to have an effect on me, that I can’t really ignore any more, as I’m my view it can become slightly bullying behaviour.
The latest example is this. We were out walking the dog with some friends. I didn’t realise my SO had the dog on the lead, and I, without thinking, threw a ball for him. He’s quite a big dog, and unfortunately pulled my partner to the ground quite hard. I didn’t realise what had really happened at first, but I instantly ran over and helped her up and made sure she was ok. I apologised as I really felt terrible, but this was met with a furious outburst, which ended up with me being punched, with moderate/hard force to my neck/collar bone area. I could see I had made a mistake and I did apologise, I genuinely felt terrible, but I did calmly say that I didn’t think that it was an acceptable reaction, especially in front of friends, although I can see why she did it to a certain extent?
Anyway, we continued walking, and admittedly, I was in a bit of a huff. I didn’t say anything, but I think this was the problem. We stopped after a minute or so, and my partner started yelling at me saying “I was in another one of my moods” , “This is why I hate you” , “I don’t want to be with you if you’re going to be like this” , “I’m ashamed to bring you out with my friends” and also started waiving the car keys at me and telling me to go and wait in the car, I felt really humiliated, but I could see she was really upset, as she was crying, so I continued to not say anything.
Fast forward, we make it to our destination, and as our friends got drinks, she learnt over to me and nicely asked if we could forget it. For the sake of not embarrassing ourselves in front of friends, the day sort of returned to normality.
Next day, we wake up, and I admittedly was in a bit of a huff. My partner was in a great mood and acting like nothing happened. I tried to reciprocate this, but I genuinely felt quite hurt about what had happened, and then later in the morning voiced my concerns. At this point, I should probably say, I really wish I had just forgotten about the whole thing and just moved on, I think this is something I definitely have to work on to avoid situations like this in the future.
This is when the * hit the fan unfortunately! She has essentially broken up with me, but is putting all of the blame on me. I understand I was clumsy to throw the ball without checking if the dog was on a lead. But I have been met with threats to break up with me, comments like “I’m ashamed of myself for staying with you if you keep going in these moods” “I’m sick of the person you’ve become with your relationship ruining moods” “I’ve lost all my trust in you” “my friends think you’re crazy” “this is why you have no friends” (this is the worst one as I am sensitive to the fact that I haven’t got any close friends, mainly due to me devoting most of my time to my partner). I have somehow now become the one feeling like I have to apologise. The only thing that she seems to care about is me being in a “mood”.
I have tried to explain that after a scenario like that, I don’t really feel like talking. Apart from not talking my behaviour is totally normal, as in I don’t start slamming things about or anything like that.
I’m so sorry this is the worlds longest post. But I am terrified of how to approach this subject. As I mentioned earlier, it’s not a negative trait in particular, but she is very stubborn, and never takes responsibility for anything (as in it’s always someone else’s fault) should I just give an even wider berth in the future (as this sort of thing is happening almost monthly) or is it best to approach her about it. If so, what would be the best way to word it, without coming across insensitive, rude or ignorant?
Thanks for enduring if you have made it this far.