Boobs, pubes and porn

[Babushka111]

Ok, so I have been divorced for a while now after many years of marriage, and am now out dating.
It has come to my attention that men in this day and age (even middle aged) seem to think that all women should have bald pubes and moan like porn stars. WTF?? I really liked a chap until he insisted on biting his lip in a seedy "I'm over fifty but think I'm really hot" way and then proceeded to slap my bottom so hard I almost hit my head on the bedside table !!
Is this how it is now???
HELP !

I love the unrealistic views of some men though. They wish to act out porn scenes but struggle to last more than 5 minutes. Hence the reason i very much enjoy oral from my OH!

It’s not all men but it’s a lot of single men looking for sex
Taken from single women (not married ones or in a relationship with a non porn sex man) but single women’s experience

@PookieDo I wouldn't mind if people said "some men" or "most of the men I've met recently".

@PookieDo ugh that t shirt just sums it up!
@ShatnersWig no it isn’t all men, but it is a lot of the men us single women are meeting nowadays. There is probably an element of guys like that “hunt” the hardest, so why OLD is full of them for instance. Whereas quite possibly the better quality of men are just happy to wait to meet someone IRL.

No, it's not like this :) In fact what OP says I only read in another article by a woman who started dating after a long term relationship ended, and how she realised how "expectations changed".

In my (short) recent online dating experience no one was fixated on pubes, needed massive tits or asked to live out some porn scenario. Mind you, I was looking for a serious relationship, but in case of pure sex there may be a few maniacs... The shorter the acquaintance before you actually meet the more chances to have a weird experience. And the longer you stay chatting before meeting the more likelihood of finding someone decent.

To add a few things. I'm in early40s, always went out with men either my age or a bit older. No one was pushy or sexually aggressive, some asked "Are you sure this [i.e. sex] is a good idea?" or stopped when I said no to something (such as ex during period; just too messy and not my thing). All were reciprocating oral sex although that doesn't do anything for me and I'm one of the few weird ones who actually prefer to give it than receive. No one even mentioned anal sex (which is a big fat no from me).

Body hair wise: bush trimmed (so it doesn't stick out of the knickers), I shave the armpits but never waxed my legs (thinking the fuck I'm going to pay my own money for hurting myself this much, and always used epilation cream). All in all, everyone has been rather enchanted by my appearance, no negative comments (like "too thin", "need bigger boobs" etc).

I had a long conversation on a phone with a man I never met which was quite enlightening. He had a geographical approach (trying each nationality :)) and amassed a wealth of experience which he classed into 4 types of women according to their personality/ sexual adventurousness.

" dp hates it but has no grooming routine of his own down below so isn't in a position to complain"

Male entitlement and it IS entitlement because he doesnt want to do it himself. Ugh.

Pookie thats disgusting. Fucking prick. Still at least the red flag came early before you spent any money getting ready for a date or on the date itself.

I can add in another new phenomenon. I'm doing some online dating/swiping and it all starts off ok. The conversation flows and you move onto Whatsapp. Some are brazen and don't even bother.

"Are you a squirter?" "Do you squirt?" It makes me so angry and turned off as that is 100% porn influenced!

I get so tired of being asked about anal. Do they want something shoved up their arse? Oh no, they're not keen on that idea (some are I guess)!

I would say 85% of online dating chat ends like this. It's bloody depressing and I'm definitely thinking of going back to celibacy and I'm no prude!

Ive never been spoken to like some of the women here have. But i think this is an OLD thing in general.

Ive never done it looking for a serious relationship but my BF has before and has had women asking for dick pics before meeting, even some asking for measurements. He had a married woman who had his number from before i met him begging him to meet her the other week (he showed me all the messages and replies of his own free will i wouldnt have known about the messages otherwise i didnt know his lock code then).

Ive met people online purely because i wanted sex and my complaints are the same as his. Very little effort, energy and lots of awkwardness due to the fact that just ruins it for us. We are both very energetic and there is nothing worse than someone who wants to just pump away, or lie on their back/front and be pumped away at. I also find that if youre a woman whos energetic when youre on top, its all most men will want to do and will just lie there. So definitely dont think its a one gendered thing, but is annoying AF.

Very happy to have found him lol and it wasnt OLD. Id come out of a 7 year relationship. Definitely wasnt looking. I weighed six stone due to anorexia and had knocked my front teeth in. I looked like a heroin addict IMO. And several others.

He also doesnt watch porn. He says it desensitises you and ruins sex as you basically end up having sex mechanically while thinking about porn.

I will openly confess to watching porn, started at a young age cos I thought everyone did it and it was normal - also was not hidden in my parents bedroom and after finding it accidentally I kept looking.

I really think this harmed me as I knew more than I should at a young age (magazines). Also for a long time I found it hard to turn on any other way

A few years ago I stopped watching it completely because I couldn’t find anything that wasn’t totally gross, demeaning, nasty etc. I totally prefer reading stories but I also went back to using my imagination or being in the moment with a partner. It made a huge difference to me. Now I am single I am imagination based, if I met a man I would be cautious about sex with him if he watches porn becasue I know full well how it changes your mindset and can warp your desires and make you very very selfish. Perhaps they got turned on seeing the porn but what really turned them on in that scene was the power - they just don’t realise that is what it was, they just assume it was the sex but degrading a woman in the way they seem to find sexy is really ruining sex across multigenerations who have no idea how to pleasure each other - only themselves

The anal requests are the one I find the most frustrating from men. I am sexually open as are many of my friends but none of us would have anal with a fling/ONS/new partner because it can be done so wrong. You would need to trust the person and feel comfortable, online dating guys have frequently come out with ‘I want to try it’ or ‘my wife never liked it’ sorry I am not on this earth to be your experimental sex slave, why don’t you try building a relationship based on personality and mutual respect before asking me to put my health and body at risk to please you

I had what I thought was a very weird and sexual experience once....but after reading this I realise maybe not so weird.

First time we got intimate, all he did was lay me on the floor and touch me all over - without removing any of my clothes. Weird. But honestly I felt like I was Anna and he was Christian but he had no clue on what he was actually supposed to be doing and then just gave up.

Gave him the benefit of the doubt and next date we did dtd but he kept biting me. Not hard....first couple of times I sort of liked it. Then it got weird. I probably got slapped aswell - can't remember.

Never saw him again after that. What happened to just normal sex? I think porn does have something to do with it - it must do surely. I don't mind if a man knows what he's doing and it's actually enjoyable. But from what it seems - men are just making themselves look like complete idiots!

I think I might just have to give up and get a really nice cat.

This

I don't see what the problem is, it's just social trends. Once upon a time women didn't shave their legs or under arms. Now they do (generally). I remember the jokes about German women (hairy arm pits) from my youth (70's and 80's). Things change.

As much as most of you are complaining about the expectations of personal topiary, I bet you subscribe to some degree. That's the social trends.

I'm 53 and have recently returned to OLD after leaving a sexless marriage. I'm now in the early stages of a relationship with an utterly wonderful man I met via OKCupid. There's been zero spanking, no anal, no lip biting, though he's wonderful in bed; playful, considerate and very sensual. He prefers trimmed pubes but it's not a big issue as I'm waxed anyway. Online dating isn't always a bad thing - there are some lovely respectful men out there.

Exactly DrMorbius its ONLY a social construct so why the need for misogynistic t shirts.

I have my hair cut and coloured every six weeks and a chin wax every four Thats what i can afford.

Ive actually found threads like this incredibly helpful Im much happier with things the way they are especially when shit like whats been posted about here is the alternative.

It seems to me that some men dont actually want women to date them.

They want women to AUDITION for them!!!