Why is he messing me about?

[Electrascoffee]

I've been on and off with someone for several months. He says hurtful things like he isn't sure if he loves me and then if I break up with him he cries and says he does love me and please will I give him a chance. This man is in his 50s. He is always contacting me and saying he wants to meet.

So the other day I messaged him saying 'are we back together?' And he replied the following ;

'You know I think a lot of you Electra and I've said I need space so if we are going to continue to meet I think its needs to be made clear from both of us that right now we are meeting as friends. I don't know what I want right now, but it's not to say that I don't want you. I don't want a situation where we start develeping deeper feelings which can hurt either of us at any stage if it came to a situation where that could happen. Hope that makes some kind of sense 😘 xx'

This is bullshit, isn't it? I've just told him I'm done with the situation. Why do people behave like this? It makes me angry.

Be wants a FWB, which is ok if he is honest and he seems to be in his message.
The question though is what do you want? If no strings is ok with you then go for it, if not you have the right to be brutally honest too. Be honest with yourself what you want then say that to him. Xx

He doesn't want a FWB. He wouldn't agree have sex with me for months because he was insistent upon 'a connection'

Sounds like a twat. Crying that he loves you then sends you this. It isn't consistent and it's just toying with your emotions. I would ask him to leave you alone till he knows more about what he wants. My guess is that he's seeing other women too so is keeping his options open

After seven months he should know if he is in or out. He's hedging his bets would be my guess. If it was me he'd be out at my request.

He is wrapped up in his own self-indulgent musings. I don't think you should give him further headspace.

Uggh don't waste your energy

Block, block, block

Urgh. Just no. I wouldn't have the patience for this. 50? He's acting like a teenager.

Glad you have called him on it. Be prepared for him to suddenly profess his love for you. Arsewit.

He wants sex and dates when it suits him. He's using you. Don't wait for him to tell you when/if he's going to see you next. Take control and tell him to fuck right off.

OP - it’s possible to want a connection with someone you sleep with as a FWB, while not wanting a relationship. This is where F comes in in that abbreviation.

However, a man who takes months to sleep with you - claiming needing that connection - is either not actually single and getting sex elsewhere - OR - has some issues.

He is being honest about how he feels - at least to an extent. He is confused and unsure how he feels about you and doesn’t want more now.

I’d leave it - just like you’ve done - and found myself someone less confused, or attached.

I don't think he is seeing anyone else. But really that's not even the point. He's very self absorbed and I think I've wasted enough energy. He is always trying to do overtly coupley things with me and drop into my work etc.

I think he's a mess and I've had enough of it. He went crying to my counsellor the last time I ended it because I'm sick of this. That was of course embarrassing.

'He wants sex and dates when it suits him. He's using you. Don't wait for him to tell you when/if he's going to see you next. Take control and tell him to fuck right off'

Most of the time he wants to meet up and 'talk' but he's not usually keen to have sex. He usually ends up crying and saying he does love me.

He's stringing you along. Don't even attempt to understand his logic. He's a twat

Hes a headfuck. You can do better.

Most of the time he wants to meet up and 'talk' but he's not usually keen to have sex. He usually ends up crying and saying he does love me.

Are you his therapist?

He went crying to my counsellor the last time I ended it because I'm sick of this. That was of course embarrassing

Crossed the line there didn't he?

Most of the time he wants to meet up and 'talk' but he's not usually keen to have sex. He usually ends up crying and saying he does love me.

Wow he is massively self-absorbed!!! Lucky escape!

I've given him chances. I'm so annoyed with myself for putting up with this. I have AS so I think I'm more easily taken in by other people's bullshit.

God I couldn't be bothered with all this nonsense.

bin him off.

To quote Miranda from Sex and the City.... he's really not that into you.

And like Miranda, once you can accept that you'll find it quite empowering and move on to find someone who is! Stop wasting time on him.

If he's not that into me then why won't he leave me alone? If I block him he turns up at my house.

He's breadcrumbing you, enjoying having you uncertain and dangling as it's a power thing for him. Don't meet up with him at all for a while, if at all! Going to your counsellor is disturbing actually, it's pushing into your privacy.

As I said if I'm working, he comes in and says 'hi darling, I hope you're having a nice day' maybe he's I'll.

He doesn't sound well to me. Sorry x

Because he enjoys the ego trip of having you on the end of a string. If he was that into you there would be no games. He'd want to be with you, in a proper relationship with you. Wake up.