Why is he messing me about?

[Electrascoffee]

I've been on and off with someone for several months. He says hurtful things like he isn't sure if he loves me and then if I break up with him he cries and says he does love me and please will I give him a chance. This man is in his 50s. He is always contacting me and saying he wants to meet.

So the other day I messaged him saying 'are we back together?' And he replied the following ;

'You know I think a lot of you Electra and I've said I need space so if we are going to continue to meet I think its needs to be made clear from both of us that right now we are meeting as friends. I don't know what I want right now, but it's not to say that I don't want you. I don't want a situation where we start develeping deeper feelings which can hurt either of us at any stage if it came to a situation where that could happen. Hope that makes some kind of sense 😘 xx'

This is bullshit, isn't it? I've just told him I'm done with the situation. Why do people behave like this? It makes me angry.

Hell, noooo. If I was single now, my criteria for a good date would be:

Age 45+
Tall
Broad shoulders
Kind
Uncomplicated
Hard dick

Ain't nobody got time, for this kind of basket case.

:-)

Jaysus unless you get off on a man who cries a lot I’d be giving him the old heave ho.

He’s doing this because he can. It’s nothing personal in a way, if it wasn’t you it’d be another woman.

The flip flopping, wanting to dissect everything, crying....it’s not very attractive is it?

He's full of shit

You asked why he is messing you about.

The answer is because he can.

You can't change him. Work on your self esteem. Why are you happy with scraps? You need to extract yourself from this situation.

Google baggage reclaim.

I'm not happy with the situation at all. But every time I try to end it he worms his way back in. No more...

Electra I had somebody like that. I had to block. He took to turning up at my house, I wouldn’t answer the door, he’d sit on my step. It was doubly awkward as he worked for the same organization as me, though not in the same building.

I had to say eventually if you come to my house again I will take it as stalking. I am keeping a log. 5 years later I still occasionally see him about & I get the hurt puppy look!

He’s a knob

He is really hard work. Hand him a box of tissues and walk off.
You can do better than Mr Drama Llama

MB omg, sounds familiar. My dd was here one time and she was saying 'why is the man hanging around on the doorstep?'

He's behaving like an arse and has the nerve to be sanctimonious and patronising with it. Dump him.

Yes, exactly - he is sanctimonious and patronising I agree. He's been like that from the beginning. It really pisses me off. Sometimes he thinks he can talk to me as if I'm his daughter just because I'm 37. I'm not a child.

Relationships should be enjoyable, else why on Earth be in one? He sounds like far, far too much hard work to me and has far too many issues.

Walk away and never look back.

This time I'm determined not to let him talk me round.

Oh one thing I forgot to mention is that he said once he moves into his new house he will 'feel more settled' and will then be able to love me

OP he really likes to keep you hanging (your last comment!). Sounds like he loves the drama and attention.

You are still young.
This guy is a total dick.
Sounds like a narcissist as well.
Stop falling for his tears and manipulation routine.
Get shot for good.
Do NOT cave.
Stay strong.
Good luck!

Oh my god OP, are you me? Very similar situation, I'm the most amazing woman, all he's ever wanted, then we break up (his choice) because of 'impossible' differences in life stages, then those things suddenly don't matter, he gets back in touch, we get back together, now 6 months later they're issues again. Is he staying here, is he moving elsewhere ... I could go on.

Like you I'm sick of dealing with a man child who basically doesn't bloody know what he wants and is taking me along for the ride as a convenient emotional air bag. Except I've fallen for him hard (the good times are amazing etc) and now having to extract myself from his bullshit and put my heart back together. It sounds like you see him for what he is and are making the right decision.

Yes, I'm sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. There is obviously a breed of this sort of man.

This guy will say stuff like;
'We're not quite right for each other'
'Your personality isn't quite right for me'
'I can't see myself living with you'

And then he says he didn't mean any of it. I also get all this bullshit about 'I cried myself to sleep in the chair' etc.

What makes me most angry is the way he tries to blame me for his shitty behaviour. The reason I haven't fallen for him is that he started this early on so I never had a chance to. The thing that gets me is that he is very good looking and when we're together I feel a real spark.

The sex isn't even that good - he lies right on me and hurts me.

Good grief. This man is a complete waste of your life!!

Hi OP,

Has he been in touch with you since you ended it? (Bloody wise choice.)

No, I've blocked him and he hasn't come round to my house thank goodness. He is moving to another town later this month which is great because he won't be hanging around here any more.

I used to think he couldn't possibly be a narcissist but the more I know him the more I wonder if he actually could be. I've come across narcs before. He's a bit different but the superficial charm coupled with callous behaviour and manipulation have made me think again.

He thinks god has given him a special gift to heal sick people and that one day he will heal a famous person with an incurable disease.

What a bizarre sounding man. Well done for blocking him. You are definitely best off away from his strange behaviour.

Well apart from healing a celeb of an incurable disease (now he's Jesus...) sounds like he's negging you to try and get more from you without actually making an effort at all.

Very well rid.

There is no point at all trying to understand or reason with selfish wankers.