Had big row with Dh this morning , asked him to treat me with more respect like he would the women at work, his response 'Well they deliver !'

[CaptainUnderpants]

This made me really upset ( even more !) how could he say that , what would you do, not do anything for him because 'you cant deliever '

What a horrible thing to say to your DW

Yes that is a particularly unevolved thing to say. How exactly do you not 'deliver'? Do you keep your dc's cleanish and the house cleanish? Not that either of those things should be solely your responsibility. Is he talking about sex? If so why on earth would you want to sl;eep with someone who has that attitude?

I really dont understand what he is getting at, I look after the children , I gave up my career to be a SAHM , although have started another job at begining of year whoch revolves round school hours and holidays !

Its been half term this week, he hasn't been around 'too busy ' to take a day off, came home late last night , left his dirty dishes in the sink. Guess who gets up this morning tidies them up, gives boys breakfast and gets clothes ready for football , Moi !!

He complians about a new jug I bought .

'Why did you buy this jug ?

'Because your mother put tadpoles in the other one which is on the windowsill infront of you with the damn things swimming around in !

'Well put the new jug away ! '

Then whilst he is sitting down and I am getting boys ready and putting sun cream on them he tells me to give DS1 his hayfever medicine , to which I replied 'Do it yourself !'

A row ensures which leads to him saying 'I dont deliver !

Sex isn't great either BTW .

Whne DH seems to be taking me for granted i STOP doing certain things like washing and washing up. I then let it build up till he either mentions it or does it himself then i tend to point out WHY i havent done it to get my point across! 9 times out of 10 it works a treat!

See thats what I mean do I stop doing things for him like taking suit to dry cleaners for example.

Is he in a bad mood about something else?

My dh is usually very easy going & not too bothered about stuff, but if he is annoyed/worried about something else, it usually ends up in him picking something out of nothing IYKWIM.

So do you know if would be annoyed/worried/upset about something else & it has came out in the middle of a row?

Can you get to the bottom of what it "Don't deliver" comment was about? Seems very strange. Does he mean they are employed to do a task, which they carry out? If so, remind him that you are not his employee! If you were, he would have to pay you a bloody lot more to deliver!

How very childish and nasty of him.

And I can quite understand why you don't want to do anything for him.

What on earth are you supposed to be delivering ?

TBH I think you should deliver him a big boot up the jacksie!

It doesn't sound like you're getting on very well.

To be fair, though, everyone is more rude to their wife/husband/partner, at their worst, than they are to other people. Presumably, at his best, he's nicer to you than he is to the other women at work?

Are things normally like this? Or has something changed?

I feel for you CaptainUnderpants. My dh is similar. In fact, in some ways I LIKE it BETTER when he is at work! He moans at me constantly and doesn't even put his dishes in the sink. There are glasses and plates everywhere. Yesterday he got home, whinged that I hadn't cooking dinner (this is after putting dc's to bed after bath) and then whinged I had left kitchen roll too close to the hob (which he knocked onto the stove and caught fire).

Gosh how surprising that sex isn't great if he treats you like this and says vile things.

Have you asked him to clarify what, exactly, the women at work 'deliver' as opposed to you? I'd ask him what he thinks your deliverables are and then ask him about his. In your position I'm afraid I'd bugger off for a week to a swanky hotel, alone, read lots of books, see lots of films and leave him alone with the children to ponder on the nature of SAHM deliverables.

And maybe you should consider going back to work ft so he has to deliver his half of the household/childcare/salary combo.

things aren't brillant between us and it is sometimes treading on egg shells with him.

I prefer it when he is in work or away, I knwo that he is having avery stressful time in work, but I am always at home to support him and by me having a job that now revolves round school hours etc he can concntrate on work 100 % , wheras before we were sharing the childcare.

I can usually take things on the chin but I though the remark about 'deleivering'was really hurtful when I think I do an awful lot .

Well, it's a rubbish thing to say ... but I also think it's a bit weird to expect him to treat you as he treats the women he works with ... I assume he's not sleeping with them?

Seriously, he does sound rude and disrespectful - but I'd be more inclined to take the line of 'is this how you want your children to learn to treat me?', tbh ...

Find out how much a full time childminder and a cleaner 3 days a week would cost and research how much you could earn in a supermarket job etc then present him with the options!!! Im sure once he realises you would be working to pay for these things and it would deliver no more to family life he may soon change his tune!!!

WWW, what a fantastic idea, agree completely.

I think in a coupe of weeks I will bugger off for the weekend, to much going on with children at the moment . I always put them and my Dh first before myself .

Children will always come first but DH is now goign to be a long way behind.

Saying that though I really want things to be good between us and I cant figure out how to do it anymore.

Is relate or similar an option?

I migt just do that Bonkerz - work out how much it would cost someone to be paid to be a SAHM !

Relate not an option - he refuses to go and I have been to one seesion myslef , but a bit useless he needs to go aswell

Don't you find that men are more demanding these days of their wives? I find that I can't win with my DH. He wants me to SAH with our two dcs because one is still only5 mos, but yet, he often makes snide remarks about me sitting on my arse and not working. I think men these days think women should be able to do both bc the women's movement has made it acceptable if not vital that women have outsid careers, yet there is something macho about saying your wife SAH, and also the pressure that a parent (not daycare) is best to raise a young child.

Is he happy with the current state of your relationship? Why won't he consider relate?

Frankly, going on your own isn't completely pointless - you can't change how he behaves, but you can change how you react to it ...

I read in the news that a SAHM if you were to pay people to do her job should make 50,000 pounds.

Im sure it was suggested here a while ago so ive just stolen someones advice. Must admit though that im a childminder so am at home with mine and DH did have trouble recognising my job as valuable so i quoted prices for cleaners and also for childminders if i got a 'proper job' and he hasnt said a word since. Have also stopped doing washing mid week and he does it and i do it weekends!!! He really does notice now when i do it!¬!!!!!!

Hey, he is due home shortly and I do not want to be around when he gets home , so taking myslef off to Costa Coffee. Will be back later.

Thank you for being understanding and will catch up later , time for some coffee theraphy .