Had big row with Dh this morning , asked him to treat me with more respect like he would the women at work, his response 'Well they deliver !'

[CaptainUnderpants]

This made me really upset ( even more !) how could he say that , what would you do, not do anything for him because 'you cant deliever '

What a horrible thing to say to your DW

Don't be afraid.

He is making you feel this way sweetheart.

How dare he say that you're all he has to come home to? what does he mean by that?

And you bore him? Does he want you to be full of facts & conversation when he comes home from work???

The consquences that I dont want to face -

selling of family home

struggle money wise for myself

struggle to pay for legal costs

I think I could deal with being on my own but its the finacial side that worries me.

I told him tonight that it doesn't matter whose name the house is in ( he really does know that anyway ) I told hi that he would have to provide maintenace for me and the children , his recation was that whilst we are still living together he doesnt have to pay any money into out joint account . WTF

I have a very low part time job that only brings in around £250 a month , WTF does he think he is saying. Empty threats or what ??

you used to be a strong woman-but he has ground you down by treating you like an employee rather than a wife

i read thread after thread on here and see the same lines that men churn out over and over again,the same lines that my nasty,abusive xp used to use,about getting custody of the children,being worse off financially etc.it all boils down to the same thing,they couldnt bear to live without you,but instead of being nice and loving they try and bully you into staying.what sad f*ng twats.

its a good idea to find out what you would be entitled to etc,as has already been advised,and calmly present the information to him.then suggest relate.he is obviously dying to tell you that nobody at work has any respect for him,and he feels like a worthless lump of crap,but his ego is preventing him from doing so,and he's nasty to you to make himself feel better

CU go for legal advise asap. If you can't get in the citizens advice bureau then some solicitors do free sessions. If you say which area you're in us mners will find one for you and give you any help you need.

Believe me I felt all those things but the upshot is I'm so much happier. I was shitting myself. I was in such a state the day I viewed this house I cried buckets because another couple were viewing at the same time. You just learn to adjust financially. You can do it hun, if I can anyone can

oh and the boys, yes they did find it confusing at times, but also it's been an adventure. They have a happy mummy now and they know it.

i read on another thread that legal aid is being done away with soon,but maybe you would be entitled to some help now?

Ulysees - I am in Surrey , have just been looking at web site for CAB and will see whn local one is open.

thank you all for your posts, I really apreciate it .

My sister ( who unfortunately lives 200 miles away) said to for time being live in a bubble , just me & the children and do my best to ignore and not respond to him and just do things for ourselves.

I had a quick look at legal aid, I dont know whether I would be entitle to it. Although I work part time and earn very little , my DH erans a resonable amount , also although it is his name on mortage we wouldn't the house be classed as one of my assest aswell. If so not a chance in hell for legal aid !

Well at least if he is at work tomorrow I wont have to put up with him being grumpy around the house.

I am absolutely shattered and off to bed, see what tomorrow brings eh ?

Thank you all .

www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/your_rights/legal_system/help_with_legal_costs.htm

this link has online help from CAB about legal aid.

night hun xxxx

Hi,

Felt I had to post on this thread as this is exactely word for word what my husband did to me when stressed at work, up until I stood up to him.

He used to tell me that he was only with me for ds and because he doesnt want to give me half of what he earns etc, i used to get so upset and sob my heart out, but one day something snapped and I hardened to it, got so fed up of the emotional abuse that I actually wanted him to leave and told him this.

I also offered to help pack his bags ...I guess all I am trying to say is he is saying this stuff and taking stress out on you because he thinks you wont go anywhere,

I really believe you need to let him know that this behaviour is unacceptable and you will not put up with it and you are quite prepared to go it alone if you need to..

Words like this can do alot of damage - good luck!

forgot to add that dh is so much better now and am much happier than this time last year, also alot stronger ..

Hi Lupo,

I have wanted DH to leave in the past but he refuses to do so , stating its HIS house and HE is not going anywhere ! I know it is OUR house but how can I make him leave without going through the legal process.

He knows that I wont leave without the children and I think it would be too disruptive for the children to up and go especailly as they are at school and we would have to find somewhere local to be. He just refuses to sit down and have an calm conversation about our problems.

At least hes admitted that he is stressed at work - and guess what its our wedding annioversary next week - any suggestions how to handle it ?

DH is at work this morning - so at least all is calm at home

Hi hun, is there anyone in RL you can confide in?

get copies of all important paperwork and store it somewhere safe = do it NOW, bank account details, mortgage, utility bills everything. Go to CAB and find out what you are entitled to. Go to a solicitor if you prefer.

He's behaving like this because he knows you have no option. Time to show him that you are far from boring and capable of finding your own alternatives.

TBH I have a very stressful job and DH is a SAHD. And yes, DH is the only thing I have to go home to at the end of the day as your H said. Which is why I make a huge effort to treat him with respect and kindness, and look after him. If he goes I have nothing and no-one who looks after me.

Most solicitors will offer a free initial consultation, if this is the route you want to go down.

Really, really don't worry about money, it will all work out ok if you do decide to split. The house is a joint asset of the marriage as far as the legal stuff is concerned, regardless of who owned it before the marriage. (I'm a paralegal, not a qualified lawyer, but I do know this much).

Even if you are not sure you want to split up, it may be a good idea to go and get advice, just so you know where you stand just in case things do head that way.

Sorry to hear your DH is being such a sod, I hope you can resolve this.

In RL I have confided in close friends my sister , all very supportive . My family live some distance and its not asthough I could go and stay with them for a couple of days and still keep the boys at school and keep going to work myself.

I will certaintly get some advice this week and exactly where I stand and I will try and talk to Dh again. If he refuses to talk I will NOT break down crying I will just carry on for the time being in a little bubble until I can get some things sorted.

What should I do about our wedding anniversary - ignore it ?

do you feel like celebrating it? if not then ignore.

What does dh do about your wedding anniversary? Is he all hearts and flowers, meal out etc...
See what he does first maybe?

I get a card off him thats all, no floweres , cant remember the last time he bought me flowers, no meal etc.

I cant be bothered to buy anything , not even a card at the moment, infact there is nothing to celebrate so I will not waste my money !

just looking at it from a different perspective and, dont get me wrong, this is a horrible situation.

Do you want to save the marriage?

Do you want to be with DH?

do you think you have both taken each other for granted and are now stuck in a rut?

If I wanted to save the marriage I would go all out and celebrate our wedding anniversary.

I would book a restaurant and send him a cheeky text at work and make it as normal and romantic as possible. Go to the hairdressers and get a manicure and wear something sexy and try and get the romance back. You need to date him again and remember why you fell in love with him. On the date dont talk about problems or children or work, talk about past holidays or fab meals you have been on together.

If he is stressed at work, maybe he doesnt need to come home to an equally 'stressed with the kids' wife and the normal humdrum of life. I am not excusing what he did or has said but maybe he needs some TLC too and you need to be kind to each other.

Otherwise, this is going down the route of lawyers, divorce, children seeing dad at weekend and I am sure neither of you want that.

OTOH if you dont want him anymore, ignore the anniversary and see a lawyer!!

HTH

I do wnat to save the marriage and I have tried so many time to sort things out.

I am not stressed with the kids at home, in fact he hardly sees me with the children as he is off to work by the time they get up in the morning and usually in bed when he comes home. What kind of wife should he come home to ? I always ask him about his work , he never takes any interest in my work or college course .

Serious question - what can I do at the monet to make him coming home to me more interesting ? He has no hobbies or interests outside work whereas I have many. I have changed career, moved 200 miles to be with him etc . Do you think he is resentful that I can adapt to change better than he can .

I am fed up with trying to make it work, he will not talk about it and why should I let him get away with verbal abuse .

I want to know what the hell is worng with us , he will not talk to me and even when we are on a calm situation and I ask about things he tells me not to go on again.

WHAT THE F**K AM I SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE WHEN HE GETS HOME WHEN HE PUTS ME DOWN AND VERBALLY ABUSES ME ?

OK....do you think there might be another woman and he abuses you like this so that he can blame you for making him like this and so end the marriage?