my DH

[doormatof]

Can you tell me truthfully what you think of a man who has done these things:

1. Gave my passport details to someone
2. Wanted to go abroad when I was due to give birth to twins. only didn't go because I threatened him with divorce

3.invited in the bit on the side of his cousin into our family home without asking me.(he knows how I feel about cheaters and I was friends with his cousins wife) 4.Let his mum help herself to some of my clothes and costume jewellery which I never saw again. (she claimed she lost them).

1. Allowed his uncle to use our address for his car insurance so that he'd get a cheaper rate.

6.Allowed his friend to rent a car under his name because his friend for declined due to debts and other reasons. I could go on. Would you feel frustrated, exhausted, like he didn't care about you and your feelings, he's stupid?

I think you know the answer to this question!

At best.......An idiotic twat who is beholden to his family at the cost of everything else and who has a very loose attitude to interpretation of the law.....!?

At worst...... hmmmmm

I’d feel like a fool for staying with him.

Apparantly I'm overreacting when I lose my temper when he does things like this.
Granted it's been over the course of 6 years not all at once but there's lots of similar stuff that I haven't listed. It's getting too much for me now..

I'm not surprised you've had enough.

And his redeeming qualities are...?

You aren't over-reacting, I'd be incandescent with rage if my dh pulled stunts like that. Individually they are appalling, together they are unforgivable.

Numbers 1 to 4 would be a real problem for me.

Why would he need to give your passport details to anyone? What for exactly? Because it sounds dodgy to me. I wouldn't trust such a person and I'd feel their behaviour could bring legal trouble to my door.

The clothes to his mum...it's disrespectul. He doesnt have any regard for you. What would happen if you gave or lent his stuff to your dad...

Having his cousin's OW there shows he's fine with cheating.

5 and 6 just show he's an idiot. I'd have reported that the uncle doesn't live there anonymously.

I couldn't be with a man like this. He sounds rather unintelligent with no respect for you whatsoever.

Make sure your identity hasn't been stolen. Might be worth running a credit check on yourself and see if anything odd comes up. Sounds like he's into dodgy things and has no respect or boundaries

He's an idiot
Why are you still married?

He sounds a bit thick and disrespectful.

Who did he give your passport details to?

What does he say when you challenge him for doing this stuff?

I have no idea if he's just an oblivious idiot or if he's using you for his and his family's dodgy activities. What do you think?

I'd feel all of the things you listed - what he's done is pretty shit. Is he generally completely self-absorbed? Actually he's not, is he, because he's done all these things to help out other people - but just not you. You're the one he takes for granted.

Passport thing could have serious repercussions. I would not tolerate this. Any of it.

Can you leave?

I would contact the passport office (without telling him)/ hid my jewellry/tell the dvla. By 'dealing' with these things you will feel empowered, or I would, and as if you are showing two fingers to the idiot DH. If he is abusive when he learns that you have contacted dvla etc then think of leaving.

I'd think he was a total loser with no morals.

Chuck him out. Who wants to live with a criminal. And report your stolen clothes to the police.

He gave my passport details to his dad who wanted to transfer money to his account abroad but there was a limit to how much he could, it was only 10k in total, he used his sister's and DHs details too.
I was raging at this one but I checked everything and he was telling the truth. i did report my passport lost just in case.

Redeeming qualities:
He is a good dad, he loves his DC and would do anything for them, baths and puts them to bed everyday, takes them out at weekends.
He is not argumentative at all.
He goes out of his way to help people (not usually me though)
He has been kind and sweet through our marriage but I'm always pushed to the side for all these stupid decisions.
I'm wondering if there's something 'up' with him, as in he's suspected he has dyslexia as he's not very academic (he has a degree but finds studying very very difficult) he's never gone for a graduate job because he's not good at interviews.
I don't think he's dyslexic though, he just seems to have this intense need to please people and trusts everyone.
I don't know, I just feel whenever he's away life is peaceful and I concentrate on my DC and things seem to be easier.

"Wanted to go abroad when I was due to give birth to twins. only didn't go because I threatened him with divorce "
Doesn't tie in with being a good Dad who'd do anything for them.
Maybe he does baths because he enjoys it/it's a public display? How is he with cleaning up vomit? In the middle of the night?
Or listening to the same tedious story? Or other boring, unpleasant jobs?

He is actually the one who cleans up things like vomit probably due to his OCD and won't sleep until somethings perfectly clean but still.
He did a lot of nappies and feeding when they were younger.
He was going to to abroad at his dad's insistence and said he would be back a couple of days before the due date .
That's the thing he seems to always put me last especially with his family but even without them hes done plenty of stupid things.
His parents live quite far away from us so
they aren't in our lives day in day out.

He is not a good dad. A good dad wouldn't treat their mother the way he treats you.

he seems to always put me last especially with his family
You are his family - you and the kids. He should be putting you first, ahead of them.

He gave my passport details to his dad who wanted to transfer money to his account abroad but there was a limit to how much he could, it was only 10k in total, he used his sister's and DHs details too.

Sounds like you might have a lot more to worry about, if any money laundering has been going on, or if your DFiL has been playing fast and loose with tax regulations .

No money laundering. i checked everything out and nothing was of concern, it was to do with limits. They are well off so him having 10k isn't weird in itself, I know they have a lot of savings. DH seems to be so trusting though.
He's never going to change is he? He says he puts me first but clearly not.
Even little things like running to help his sil carry something when I'm walking next to him carrying a million things and a child but he'll ask everyone else if they need help first then think of me.
am I just being petty? I've lost patience with him now.

I’d be making a big noise if he puts others first. Do it publically so others can see.

He is a good dad, he loves his DC and would do anything for them

Except risk not being there for their birth and risk getting in trouble with the law by committing fraud?
That is not a good dad.