my DH

[doormatof]

Can you tell me truthfully what you think of a man who has done these things:

1. Gave my passport details to someone
2. Wanted to go abroad when I was due to give birth to twins. only didn't go because I threatened him with divorce

3.invited in the bit on the side of his cousin into our family home without asking me.(he knows how I feel about cheaters and I was friends with his cousins wife) 4.Let his mum help herself to some of my clothes and costume jewellery which I never saw again. (she claimed she lost them).

1. Allowed his uncle to use our address for his car insurance so that he'd get a cheaper rate.

6.Allowed his friend to rent a car under his name because his friend for declined due to debts and other reasons. I could go on. Would you feel frustrated, exhausted, like he didn't care about you and your feelings, he's stupid?

I have already lost respect for him and I do see him as a bit weak.

I may be savaged for this, but I honestly think there are very, very, very few women who could make it work when they feel like this.

Please understand that I am not talking about vulnerable, ill, disabled, sensitive or gentle men.

But weakness, in the sense that you just don't feel you can rely on him long term, that you don't feel he will ever really fight your corner, even when he's not ill or anything like that...well, in my experience this is just not something women can get past. And I'm not sure they should, either.

You won't be the one breaking the family. He's doing this by failing to engage. If you stay, what do you think that will teach your DCs about relationships?

This all sounds familiar. You will find it so much easier when he is out of your house. You are shouldering all
the responsibility. Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. And don’t trust him. Someone this selfish will only get more so when pushed.

Also, ignore people telling you this isn’t that bad. Only you know - don’t minimise your feelings. Good luck

Stop trying to change him; you can’t because this is who he is. Instead, focus your energies on getting over your ‘breaking up the family’ hang up because that’s the only thing in your power to change.

Your marriage is over, you can either spend the next ten years seething with resentment and or being exhausted in trying to change him or, you can build a life without carrying the deadweight of a man you no longer respect.

Get some solo counselling to talk through your fears and to make peace with what you need to do.

Remember OP, you don't have to sacrifice yourself just because you're the wife/mother.