Does anyone pity the OW...?

[Pixikitten0123]

I know I do 😜

Wow keeds! People who have affairs are soft, compassionate, kind and forgiving????

Is it me, or is no-one on this thread using language like "sluts", "whores" etc. except those promoting Buddhist levels of pacifism?

@ravenmum some are though, and some OW/OM deserve no compassion or thought because they are just bad bastards, with little or no regard for anyone or anyones feelings. My friends husband just is a serial cheat, whose a horrible person, and I actually hate him, but my friend who was an OW I feel awful for. I would defend her if someone called her a slut or whore because she isn't and the situation was so awful...

She did me a favour really so I'm grateful for that. I pity her that she's now stuck with his abusive arse. And I hate her for what she's knowingly done to the children. I'm not going to go into details but she's actively supported his continued abuse of me and is currently trying to alienate the children from me. My solicitor is on the case with that. I imagine she's now experiencing his abusive ways and wishes she had a way out. And I'm sure as hell he wishes he had a way out seeing as he loves the single life and she keeps "accidentally" getting pregnant They deserve each other. They just need to leave the children out of their shit show.

@Horsesforcourses I used to have a much more back and white view of the world before my ex's affair. I used to think that some people were naturally unreliable and others (like my ex) were reliable good guys. Now I do subscribe more to the idea that everyone is flawed. So following that logic, no-one is "just a bad bastard".

I understand why you might be disturbed by me qualifying a cheater as compassionate/soft and kind...as I said I am not talking about serial cheaters.I am talking about the ones who sinned whilst in a vulnerable situation (far away from their loved ones for too.long; cold and distant partners; going through high stress eyc) and who are atoning their sin and using it to become better...I know such people: they are delightful-kind-compassionate-soft and forgiving ..but anyway we digress ...we are in a thread about the OW/OM. ..some might not like what I say but I have seen it time and again single women setting their eyes on married succesful nice men and heavily using their charms and sharpening their seduction tools to ensnarl him.they crave for money/assurance about their looks/social identity via the man they go out with etc.these are the OW I might pity if they were not bringing havoc on the life of many women and kids.Time to educate our girls to build their self esteem that is beyond their looks and have a great education to get a decent job...(the OM do not usually fall in this stereotype because they are usually raised to provide for themselves financially and encouraged to build in themselves an identity that is beyond good physical looks...)

Obviously, there a minority of cases where an individual will behave like this as a result of mental health problems and/or serious domestic abuse, and I don't judge them negatively. There are also those cases where an OW/OM are duped - they're victims themselves and I empathise with them.

But, more generally, no I don't pity the selfish and dishonest, I'm very embarrassed for them though (the cheater and the OW/OM). Their behaviours display the fragility and inferior quality of their characters as clearly as any can do. Cheating is inherently cruel and unsociable. I think it's normal to be disgusted by it and want to reject the people who use it as a way to satisfy themselves at the expense of others.

kidsneedexfathers your prose is a lovely shade of purple :) "My" OW got reassurance about her looks and financial security from her husband and from her own good job.

Ladamanera, that's the sanest analysis I've seen on here.

Couldn't agree more that two women falling for the same crap have more in common than not.

I didn't fall for my ex's crap! Neither did the OW. We both chose to have a relationship with an attractive, intelligent man. Just that in my case he met up with me in public and not in a bloody brothel with rooms for hire.

Honestly, you lot are "demonising" my ex more than I have ever done!

A tricky question. The OW in my exP case genuinely didn't realise she was the OW as my exP conducted their ( very public) affair in the city that he works and she accompanied him on business trips which were extended (or created by him) for them to holiday. However, after speaking to her (after uncovering his 10 month deception )and being called a liar despite sending her evidence of our child and life together I no longer pity her.

In my opinion, anyone who can stay with a man who has created a new identity, excluding his child whilst continuing a full relationship with his partner is as emotionally incontinent as him. I am quite certain he will cheat on her too...notwithstanding the 10 months of 'overlap' of course.

raven purple prose! Oh dear! I agree that some are willing to actively and proactively live sordid (rooms to rent in brothels!), secretive and "forbidden" sex stories. Don't worry about some posts over here. It is true that what attracts legit partners in a man also attracts the OW but that does not mean that the legit and OW are necessarily similar. I even noticed that some people have affairs with people they would not have had relationships had they been single...the security of their marriage /relationship allow these fools to try this "otherness"..

I think that "my" OW is pitying me. She knew we were married, two children, one who is autistic and still declared her feelings for him.

They now live together in a beautiful new house ( step up from what she had previously), they have two good FT incomes and go away for many weekends and holidays. She also gets to play "mum" EOW when they have the boys - other than that their time is just for them.

So, no l don't feel pity for the OW. She is probably pitying me

@patheticnurse I think mine feels the same pity for me... she shouldn’t though

Nurse you are not pathetic and I don't see what you should be pitied. Pity is for lost souls. You are not a lost soul. You have been dedicating your time and energy to your son, to be his connection to this world that puzzles/confuses him. The OW and your ex must be pitied. They come across as egoistical and materialist. They don't seem to have a soul at all otherwise how can they bear ti look at themselves in the mirror or at each other without remorse for he pain they caused you. They might deserve pity. You deserve compassion. That is different. Most parents -especially the ones with special needs kids- would completely relate to you through their heart/mind/guts and soul. In your sad story I would rather be you than any of them...and Pixie you are right: in such "love" triangle I would rather be the cheated one ...

@kidsneedfathers thank you for your kind words. I actually feel very shat upon at the moment but at least throughout all this I’ve actually now realised the kids and my worth - we are far too good for him. He’s not worthy of a beautiful family never mind the fact that he’s withdrawn child support for the children as a form of financial abuse to me. Unfortunately for him we’re doing just fine so that little plan has failed miserably and I’m quite happy for CMS to deal with him as the law sees fit. The OW has quite a catch there really... she should really be watching the way he treats his kids and ex wife carefully as it’ll be the same way he treats her too eventually. At least I can hold my head up high and continue to put my children first as I always have. 😀

Yes, genuinely so, as far as the woman who ended up being (somewhat briefly) married to my ex-fiancé is concerned.

She was nasty to me when I found out and confronted her. And I was admittedly nasty to her, too, by calling her a whore and a home wrecker.

But I went on to travel the world, build a career and meet and fall in and out of love with other, better men. She ended up a single mum of two, is still struggling financially, gave up on her dream of a career in academia and, although she's a couple of years younger than me, looks miserable and old before her time.

She was only 20 and he was a charming, devilishly good-looking narcissist. He took both of us for a ride, but she bore the brunt of it whereas I had a lucky escape.

I wish I could actually tell her that.

Pixie you certainly can hold your head high....and it sounds like if she did you a favor. .. he is withdrawing child support as a way to punish you means that he is a mean man and bad father...keep your head a high and your beautiful family together ..._🌸🌹

Dear Didi i am delighted you had a lucky escape. His poor OW: it would be good if you could tell her you forgave her if you think that this can somehow help her cope better with it all...

Oh I most certainly will 😀it’s definitely been a character building experience so far - roll on the decree absolute 😂

Sometimes. I have known a couple of (young) women who were besotted and believed everything the man told them, he manipulated them and eventually they ended up with nothing. One hopes they would be wiser from then on but it was awful for them.

I am baffled by the OW
She has knowingly got herself involved with a married man 20 years older than her whose wife was pregnant and had a disabled child.
Though he has probably told her a pack of lies and she believed it.

A friend was an OW but dumped the guy when she found out.

She was young and he'd told her that he was recently separated and was childless. He was actually married with children and worked in the week in her city (so had his own flat).

She was upset that she'd wasted so much time on him.

Now you see that’s a different matter entirely. Good on her for doing the right thing! 👍🏻