He goes out.. Too much?

[Newmum2018aug]

Hi

I'm looking for some advice really, my boyfriend and I have been falling out quite a bit recently due to him going out drinking often.

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant, nearly 37 and he goes out to the pub I would say at least 3 or 4 times a week. This can differ sometimes he comes home at 7pm and sometimes he comes in as late as 12-1am. I am not trying to be unreasonable and I know he needs to spend time with his friends and I don't want to be "that" girlfriend that moans all the time but I can't help but feel like this is a bit much?

If I try to confront him on it he says I'm doing his head in and that if I don't like it I have the option to leave. He has also come home at about 1am before and told me the reason he stayed out so late was because I moaned and he would have come home earlier if I hadn't.

I'm just not sure what to do by this point, sitting in a flat on your own that many times a week is quite lonely and I don't have the energy to go out myself anymore. Do you think I'm being too controlling? I just don't know what to do if I express that I'm unhappy about it, it just seems to push him away more.

This is just the beginning. Do you have family near you or friebds?

Could you go our and come back late too?

In your position...I'd do that and even be sleeping at a family members house for a while. Let him come home to an empty house.

I do hope you have a job...because you need your own money with a man like him.

I hope that he will change when the baby is born

I fear he will, but not for the better. Sorry, but there are a lot of worrying signs in your description of him.

I'll also mention the fact he is 33 years old for people calling him immature. I'm 25 myself.
My ex is immature. He's 49. Your point is?

I can understand why you don't want to become a single mum now, but keep your wits about you and make sure you don't become dependent on him.

You’re heavily pregnant and you don’t have to make any decisions now about leaving you OH. However you do need to put yourself and your baby first and think about what you need - no one can save you, you have to save yourself. So please listen to people who are saying you need a new birth partner or start planning to have your baby alone. Having a baby is pretty hard work and you don’t need some self absorbed dipshit playing candy crush on his phone while you breathe through your contraction or whatever. You also need a calm, loving environment to bond with your baby - don’t let him ruin your first days/weeks and possibly send you into a spiral of PND it could take you years to get out of which he will not help you with. You will suffer, your baby will suffer and all they have is you right now, because daddy is down the pub.

I know you probably want to have a pity party and in a way you deserve to be able to but unfortunately you need to get your shit together. Be a role model for your child. You are a mother even if he isn’t going to be a proper father, so don’t let them down.

Good luck OP - you can do this.

Having put up with an emotionally abusive arsehole through pregnancies 1-3 (2DDs, 1MMC) and coped alone in my 4th pregnancy and been a single mum since day one I can tell you that doing it alone is ten times easier. I wish I'd left my then fiancé when I was pregnant with DD1. I was a little anxious about being a single mum to a newborn but to be honest it was so much better without the worry of a man child and his needs and abuse and gaslighting and time with friends that came above all else. Hope that makes sense, I'm half asleep.
I'd get yourself a different birth partner and seriously consider leaving him. You don't deserve this and experience says this type of man only gets worse.
got you OP.