Husband is planning an affair

[shitsabouttogetserious]

A couple of weeks ago I discovered my husband was chatting through fb messenger to an ex of his from his teenage years. It was pretty innocuous stuff mostly although he was a bit too complimentary/creepy for my liking so I decided to keep an eye on it. I didn't say anything to him cos I didn't want to alert him that I had access to his messages. Last weekend she called him out on his intentions with her and he was all like "I have responsibilities I can't just walk away from" and she was all "fair enough, let's just leave it at that then and stop talking before things go any further". At this point I'm thinking, ok, he's pushed his luck but when push came to shove he couldn't take it further, no harm done, right? But then he messaged her back and said if she ever changed her mind and wanted to meet up and "test the spark" to let him know 😳 the fucker just basically asked for a no strings affair right? She didn't reply to this and he then deleted the whole convo (just as well I have screenshots then😁) things were quiet for a few days and I tried to forget it all happened but it all ramped up again over last 2 days when she initiated a friendly conversation again which then took a turn yesterday towards the "what are we doing here?" He has now suggested a weekend get together so they can "get to know each other" again! She lives far away from us. They haven't made any concrete plans/ dates yet.

So basically as far as I'm concerned my marriage is over! Tbh, I've been unhappy for a while but didn't feel I could "justify" ending the marriage without a "good" reason 😞 we have 3 dc together and the youngest is only 9 months old.

I'm thinking of holding out to see what arrangements they make and having his bags packed for him when he returns from get together. But its really hard pretending everything is fine in the meantime. This will be ended one way or another, there is no doubt about that but dying to work out in my head the best way to deal with it all.

Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long.

OP hard as it is try not to tell him anything.

He may drop himself in it as having done more before if you play your cards close to your chest.

Telling him what you know, means he has an outline of what he can try to 'get away' with.

Lousy bastard. No 'I'm sorry', 'Please forgive me' just straight into the defensive 'But I never kissed her' bollox. Stand true, OP. Your gut has already told you what you need to know. Don't fall for it.

Hope you are going OK. We are here.

Op, I just wanted to add my kind words to you. You deserve so much better and you and the kids will be better off.
You are being so brave and steadfast, be proud of yourself and kind to yourself and let others help you . 💐 💐 for you

Rooting for you, OP. Hope you're okay xx 💐

Update - I responded that it didn't matter, the intent was clear and I used some phrases and words that proved I knew the details. Sohus 2nd txt was all apologetic, he's so sorry, he's leaving all social media, he'll never do it again etc etc etc

My response- " I can't make this any clearer, our marriage is over, leave now. "

Then I got the "but I can't fit everything in the car and I have nowhere to go and I don't want to tell my parents yet until I know whether we can work things out or not"

To which I responded "we can't work this out, phone your parents now"

Of course he hasn't done any of this, he went to the pub for an hour while he waited for me to come home and now can't drive and is insisting that he leaves tmo. I haven't actually spoken to him face to face. I eventually came home cos the little ones needed their bed and found him asleep. The selfish prick! He seems to have gone downstairs now while I've been putting the little ones to bed so I'm hiding upstairs.

Oh OP, when I read the thread my heart sank for you. This isn't fair.

Could you ring his parents? Take the matter out of his hands?

Call a taxi to take him to his parents, or a hotel for tonight. Book the nearest travel Inn. Bollocks to him.

Tell him that you'll tell everyone the truth if he doesn't leave quietly - so sorry he's being such an awkward selfish git Op.

Tell him that you'll tell everyone the truth if he doesn't leave quietly - so sorry he's being such an awkward selfish git Op.

I second that, ring his parents. Otherwise it’ll be all awkward in the morning, the kids will be around....... he needs to go tonight. Op you’re amazing. Thinking of you x

He fell asleep!!????

What the....

I second ringing his parents.
Tell them to come and collect their son.

Their very sleepy relaxed son 😳😒😒😒😒

Oh no. Poor you.

Best thing to do is repeat that he needs to leave. For him to Gather some things and go to a travel lodge and you’ll pack up the rest of his things for him and leave outside for him to collect. Advise him that it’s over, you know about his “chats” with other woman and you’d rather not have to divulge that information to others, to try to Lee things amicable while divorcing, for the sake of the DC but if you have to, you’ll share the information you have to ensure all and sundry know what he has been doing (or attempt to do).

Strongly advise legal advice on how to keep him out - legally.

Hugs to you OP

He's is pretending to sleep OP so you don't hoof him out. He's reverted to infantile behaviour in the home that you will acquiesce and take pity. Sad sad man

OP you have been so brave and calm. I’m so sorry he hasn’t left. Though the fact hes managed to sleep tells you all you need to know! I hope tonight and tomorrow aren’t too traumatic for you, and that he does actually go. We’re all thinking of you and wishing you all the best. You have handled this all in such a strong and dignified manner. Clearly now he’s realising what he’s lost, the idiot. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight and best of luck for tomorrow.

Sounds like he's in total denial really.

Sounds like he's in total denial really

More likely that’s its calculated manipulation.

You're being so strong OP, he's an absolute idiot to have thrown all this away. Hope he gets out tomorrow so you can start sorting things out.

You sound very strong OP, stick to your guns

I’d change the bloody locks as soon as he’s goes to work and take his stuff to his parents myself 😱

Tell him he seemed perfectly able to make arrangements for his cheap fuck, why can't he make arrangements for the fall out accommodation
What a weak incapable wanker

Sorry

ATM he probably doesn't know how you found out. Maybe thinks OW ratted him. Defences are down.

Luckily if you ever feel the slightest urge to weaken, all you have to do is read the evidence. Like a cold shower isn't it.

You are being so strong, I wish I had been like you when I found out..my H also fell
asleep in his friend’s car on his way ‘home’ to talk...bastard.
I had been up 24 hours solid and so that pissed me off almost as much as what he did
Keep getting support from here and in rl if you can, you’re doing great