Husband is planning an affair

[shitsabouttogetserious]

A couple of weeks ago I discovered my husband was chatting through fb messenger to an ex of his from his teenage years. It was pretty innocuous stuff mostly although he was a bit too complimentary/creepy for my liking so I decided to keep an eye on it. I didn't say anything to him cos I didn't want to alert him that I had access to his messages. Last weekend she called him out on his intentions with her and he was all like "I have responsibilities I can't just walk away from" and she was all "fair enough, let's just leave it at that then and stop talking before things go any further". At this point I'm thinking, ok, he's pushed his luck but when push came to shove he couldn't take it further, no harm done, right? But then he messaged her back and said if she ever changed her mind and wanted to meet up and "test the spark" to let him know 😳 the fucker just basically asked for a no strings affair right? She didn't reply to this and he then deleted the whole convo (just as well I have screenshots then😁) things were quiet for a few days and I tried to forget it all happened but it all ramped up again over last 2 days when she initiated a friendly conversation again which then took a turn yesterday towards the "what are we doing here?" He has now suggested a weekend get together so they can "get to know each other" again! She lives far away from us. They haven't made any concrete plans/ dates yet.

So basically as far as I'm concerned my marriage is over! Tbh, I've been unhappy for a while but didn't feel I could "justify" ending the marriage without a "good" reason 😞 we have 3 dc together and the youngest is only 9 months old.

I'm thinking of holding out to see what arrangements they make and having his bags packed for him when he returns from get together. But its really hard pretending everything is fine in the meantime. This will be ended one way or another, there is no doubt about that but dying to work out in my head the best way to deal with it all.

Thanks for reading, sorry it's so long.

Good luck OP - thinking of you.

Just wanted to wish you good luck, stay strong, you deserve so much better

Thinking of you and wishing you the best. I hope it goes as well as it can in the circumstances. You have acted with such dignity and poise. I am in awe.

"You will find your possessions in the shed, the locks will being changed

I think I'll wait and see what kind of response I get initially Arsenal. If he gets arsey/refusing to leave etc then I can go in with an offer to try and placate him but tbh I don't want to commit to anything right now if I can get away with it.

"be".
Keep being strong, you will probably howl later

Sorry you’re going through this OP it might help if you write down a few sentences should he try to talk later. Such as :

I’m not prepared to talk to you about the details.

Our marrige is over, my trust in you has been broken, there’s no going back.

I don’t care what you have, or haven’t done. Our marrige is over.

I don’t want to be married to you any longer due to your behaviour

And finally, if all else fails

You’re a cheating twat, now fuck off unless you want me to tell the world you’ve been trying, and failing, to fuck anything with a pulse, but because you’re a knob head no woman wants you. And now neither do I

Good luck for tonight

I've been following your thread OP but never added. I'm so sorry and good luck for this evening. You and dc will be so much better without this dick after the way he's treated you.

Do you have a friend or someone who can help you tonight by looking after the DC or being with you so that he has to leave on time?

Agee the message should say what time he has to leave by, too. Or put the bags outside so he doesn't even have to go in.

I like that bluedog 😁 thanks everyone for all the support. I haven't told anyone irl so it's been cathartic to be able to vent here.

Good luck op. Make sure you don't leave anything important in the house incase he decides to take things.

He doesn't know where anything is Anastasia 😂

Part of me would be inclined to change the locks, possibly stay indoors (or even elsewhere) and let him take his bags from the boot/doorstep.

At least there'd be no danger of him refusing to leave.

Best of luck OP, you're well rid.

Definitely the right decision OP, the man is a complete arse. If he gets angry, remember its not you or anything you've done, he will just be embarrassed that you've found out what a knob he is.

good luck OP

I would check out availability at a local hotel for him so he's no excuse to hang around any longer than needed or make lame excuses. This mans only real regret tonight will be that he got busted - not that he broke yer heart. If we could all hoof him up the arse OP, we would!

Have you got copies of all documents? Passports, finance stuff? Needs to be stored online (dropbox etc)

Sorry if this has already been covered, just skim read the thread

So sorry for you op. Read through all the posts and it looks as though your relationship has been to my for a while - you’re not being happy but didn’t have a reason to end it, not telling husband about the money is another key point and the icing on the cake is DH terrible actions of messaging all those exes as well as these plans. Is seems right to call it a day and move on regardless of what happens or not with this OW. Whether or not this liaison happens, there’s the intent . Wishing you good luck for tonight, that it’s not too traumatic for you and good luck for the future.

Good luck for tonight, shits.
And to answer an earlier question, yes I know someone who ended their marriage over "thoughtcrime"/emotional affairs - me.

Also, how gross is it that he’s basically trying to get this old flame to commit to a shag before he’ll meet up with her? Just shows how little he thinks of you both. I would never be able to look at him in the same way again

What a dick. Good luck for tonight op.

Best of luck to you op

That's a decent message and good luck, you are so strong sticking to your guns!

Good luck OP, don't let him turn it around on you!