Wise women, please help me enjoy time on holiday with DC when I know my marriage is over

[mamacitarosita]

Please help me, I feel utterly desperate. I have NC but I am sure some of you will recognise me.

Please don't judge me, I have received exceptional advice and insight on other threads and come to the sad decision that my marriage is over. It will be a long, slow and terrible process to separate and I am not ready yet. We have been together 25 years since we were 18, 2 DC. I have issues with co dependency and no family support. I am scared and feel very alone.

I have been saving for a holiday to a very significant place for me for 5 years. 5 years of saving every penny. We fly tomorrow morning. DH has been actively sabotaging the preparations and being obstructive. He has form for ignoring me for long periods of time and being unkind and defensive. He is irresponsible.

I cannot say that he cannot come on the holiday at this point. He has to come as I am working on an educational project and he will look after DC, it is a dangerous country for a woman and children alone and it is too late to make alternative arrangements.

Please help me find some calm. I feel so angry. Angry with him for continuing to act so irresponsibly, angry with me for letting him treat me like a mug for the last 25 years etc.

I have so so so much to do today and my head is spinning. He won't tell me if he has any money in his bank account, he won't start packing until tonight, he wont have a conversation about anything and most annoyingly he collected a parcel that arrived yesterday from our shed and promptly 'lost it'. It contains medication I need. I have asked him to find it 6 times. He just sent me a text telling me I am a bully and his 'head is in pieces. Leave me alone"

How do I cope with this idiot man child on holiday?

Yes home safe and sound. Back to work tomorrow and it's almost like it was all a dream!
I am going to seek advice and move forward. I just kept seeing again and again when we were away how he sends me of course and undoes things I've done. For example I'd apply sunscreen all over dc and myself then pack a bag for the day. He'd then remove the sunscreen from
the bag, use it and put it in the bathroom cupboard. He's been doing this so long that I automatically check and recheck everything automatically. It's a small example but lots of these things every day add up to at least an hours extra work.
For some very odd reason he doesn't drink the bottom 1/2 inch of a bottle, never has, and never throws it away. So on holiday I will throw away 6/8 bottles he's left lying where he drank them.
I packed everything on the last evening so I could have a walk the next day and not be packing. He got up when I was already out and unpacked everything looking for his sunglasses - which were where he'd left them in the bathroom.
It's wearing, even when he's on best behaviour.
I realise I sound intolerant but I'm not, I'm just exhausted.

DC had the best time of their lives and chose to give away their football, tennis gear, swim wear and snorkelling kits etc to friends they made i and I am very proud of them. DS 'swapped' his MUFC shirt with a boy at the local school after a friendly match and proudly wore the t shift the boys mother had embroidered on the flight home. It was wonderful to see them learn so much and appreciate how fortunate they are, whilst respecting their new friends as equals.

The only problem is now I have to start saving up again, but I'll only be paying for 3 next time.

Sounds amazing. And you handled it so well. I don't know how you did it.
Keep moving forward now, good luck! If you can manage that holiday you can manage this next part too.

My God, if you killed him (not that I am suggesting you do!) you would surely have a provocation defence.

Just think how much more time-relaxing time- you will have in your life once you separate.

Your children sound really lovely.

OP, hope all's well with you. I've been wondering how you are doing.