Welcome @ThisWayDown. I've read your thread, hope your knee is feeling easier.
My husband has recently been diagnosed with autism. It's making me look back on many occasions over the years when he let me down or abandoned me in a crisis.
Now that I can understand better what lay behind the behaviour, it doesn't hurt as much.
I still had to manage without any help, support or understanding from him and I have to expect more of the same in future. That's not always easy to contemplate.
Maybe if you have been a bit over-dramatic at times (not saying you have, just a thought about your thread) it was a kind of desperation to get a response from him? It's not hard to imagine that partners faced with a chronic lack of support, which they don't understand, can respond in dysfunctional ways. I know I have.
We've been told it's possible that my husband can learn to change some of his behaviour (and he's willing to try) but he's not going to learn to understand how I feel. That's quite a bleak thought (especially today as I'm not feeling well). I'm afraid this isn't a particularly cheerful thread & I don't know what we can do about that.
At a recent autism conference the line about it being a difference not a disorder was dutifully trotted out. In my DH's case, the difference is he needs someone to run his life for him. I'm a housekeeper, PA, secretary, nurse, sex worker and I'm on hand to deal with any and all emergencies because he won't. The cost, and the health burden, is all on my side and it's hidden.
I'm still coming to terms with all this and I don't know what I will do. For now we're trying to focus on achievable changes and it feels as though there's a mountain to climb ☹️