UNMARRIED -NO RIGHTS!!!

[Oncewasneedy]

Just wondering what MN readers would think about a campaign for the rights of unmarried women/mums!! (Long one-sorry)
I am so tired of hearing about women on here getting the crap end of the stick purely because they weren't married! And also because they don't understand that being unmarried leaves you with no rights over anything!
I was one of those women!
I met my partner when I was 16 and he was 30. It was all good for a long time and when he proposed to me I didn't even look back! The very next day he said he wanted a long engagement! I was not happy about this!! But when I also began to have my own thoughts about things he didn't like it!
However in the time we were together we had 4 children! I would have had more as he wanted but his behaviour got more unforgivable with each birth! (Think narcissistic and your there)
We also went through many problems with losing parents to our family business going to pot! We fought hard to get our livelihood back and thank god we did it!
But despite everything it wasn't enough! I could go on and on about how selfish he was and how I thought I would die of sadness and loneliness being with him but it doesn't serve anyone! I begged him to try but in the end I couldn't take anymore and I left!
After 20 years together I had to leave!
I had to leave the home I had raised my children in, where they took their first steps, where I bathed them and had their birthday parties and Christmas!
I had to leave because I had no rights to the home- all in his name!
After 20 years- I meant no more to him than hired help!
Thank god I took a part time job when the youngest started school otherwise I would have been clueless!
Clearly this is a rant and a half but do other married women think that unmarried women should get legal protection in some form! I know that some women will flame me for being so naive and an idiot but when you meet someone at the age of 16 it twists your mind somewhat!
Im still trying to get my head around it all! So I'm sorry if I still sound angry!!!

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn
I'm a SAHP and also perfectly happy with my choice. My kids have fantastic parental role models that both work hard, respect each other's roles and place a great emphasis on family. We all really value having a SAHP, see this as the gold standard of 'childcare' and count ourselves as very lucky that we are in the position to afford this. My DH and I agree that a day at home is harder than a day at work and we both have/had professional, demanding careers where we have worked our way up the ladder to senior positions. So I guess in summary my family are the opposite of your's and we are obviously very different.

Your post annoys me not because you obviously think differently, but because you seem to think you have made the superior choices and you seem completely incapable of comprehending that people value different things and there isn't a definitive answer to any of the things you claim to be so certain about. SAHPs are not all motivated by laziness, contrary to your opinion. Nobody can say being at home looking after small children is definitively easier or harder than working FT. This is because as individuals we all have different strengths and weaknesses, things we enjoy and things that motivate us. This isn't just true for the SAHP but any role, for example some people might find working as a motivational speaker easy whilst for others it would be their worst nightmare. Others like numbers and science, others prefer arts and being creative. Why are you so adamant that anyone working FT has it easier than a SAHP? You just sound terribly aggressive and to be honest not that secure in your decisions at all.

If you want the legal protection of marriage then get married.

Otherwise what evidence do I need to say that I'm entitled to my best friends assests?

Marriage is the legal protection. It exists. If you choose not to legalise your relationship then that is your problem.

Bitch we've covered that. Some men wont marry their parent.

Some men wont marry their parent.

Hopefully no man ever marry his parent, however.

Women are not obliged to give everything up because a man won't get married.

The OP did have rights and did have choice. Having read her posts I am left with the conclusion that the OP made and continues to make poor choices. She wants to legislate in the hope that robbed of free will she might be better off. She wouldn’t be, because she chose to spend 20years of her life with a very dodgy man who would have found a way to keep his money legally or not. My response to the OP is to say you did have rights and you did have choice. You still do, sue him, report him for fraud or at least use this as leverage to get a settlement.

However leaving aside the OPs issues there are very legitimate reasons why some people want to protect their home, wealth and income from a spouse or partner. To put it bluntly some people are not looking to acquire an dependent adult who should be able to take care of their own future. The primary reason is to ensure assets are retained for their child dependents. Of course if a couple decide to have children they need to consider how they jointly parent together or apart.

In England you can do protect assets easily by deciding not to marry or by creating agreements within marriage that may hold up on divorce. Creating co habitation rights removes this choice and will require adjustment to the law to allow people to protect assets and income whether they marry or not. Basically it will open the way for pre and post nuptial / co habitation agreements. For a lot of woman this will result in reduced settlements when they divorce.

Bumpity - you are married so are entitled to a good share - may be the 60% my husband got as the lower earner on divorce however. The poster chose a very different course - a risky life without any legal protection of marriage presumably because the partner realised his girl friend would earn less and did not want to risk losing his money to her so made an active hoice not to marry just as she decided to take a massive risk and move in without marriage - indeed it may have been her best choice if he was not proposing and no one else prepared to was offering. However it remains a very risky chocie only for lower earners. We women who earn a lot more than men are in the same position as the higher earner men in that marriage is a huge financial risk for us women.