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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to leave my husband but have nowhere to go and no money

32 replies

30years · 01/08/2018 08:08

I have been with my husband for 32 years, we have 3 grown up children with one still living at home.
I always had a feeling that he was a cheat but never the proof until about 8 years ago when he had been on my daughters laptop and didn’t delete the history. The sites he had been on were disgusting and he was even having a relationship with a woman from one of the sites. Well we talked and talked and decided that he would stop looking at these sites and finish the relationship he was having, stupid me believed all this but the trust was never there.
Yesterday I found out all of this was still going on. I want out this time i will never trust of believe him again.
Who do I turn to for help as I have no money and nowhere to go ?

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 01/08/2018 08:22

If your adult child at home has a job could you rent a flat with them. Sorry don't know much else. Hopefully more experienced advice comes soon.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 01/08/2018 08:26

Is your house owned or rented?

BastardGoDarkly · 01/08/2018 08:28

Is your mortgage paid off?

hellsbellsmelons · 01/08/2018 08:34

After 32 years you are entitled to half of everything.
Call around a few solicitors and find one that offers a free half hour and get some advice.
When talking to them find out which ones will take payment upon settlement.
What assets do you have?
Your home? Cars? Savings accounts? ISA's? etc....
Get snooping and find what paperwork you can.
You will need your marriage certificate for a divorce.

What does he say when you tell him you want a divorce?
Do you work?
Is he reasonable at all?
Could you tell him you want to move and you will need some money to do that?
For now though it's best to stay in the house, until you've had some legal advice.
Stop doing anything for him.
Let him sort himself out.
No cooking, cleaning, shopping, ironing, tidying up after him.
Do you have any friends or family you could go to for a few days to get your head clear?

I'm sorry you are going through but there are ways around the money problem.

RainySeptember · 01/08/2018 08:37

You'll get good advice on here, I did, but need to know whether you work, own your home, have any other assets.

villageshop · 01/08/2018 08:43

I'm so sorry you are going through this but you will get through it.

If you you aren't working if I were you the first thing I'd do is get a job. Any job. Sort out your joint money and transfer half into your own account. We need more info...

Original poster
30years · 01/08/2018 12:08

I have a part time job not very good pay and everything is joint house, bank

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 01/08/2018 12:12

Well, I'd see a solicitor.

I'd you're completely broken, you may have to live in house until it sells, or he could buy you out.

Get some advice.

It's shit, but you'll end up so much happier Flowers

Original poster
30years · 01/08/2018 12:12

He’s not reasonable at all, he tells me I won’t get a divorce and he won’t sell the house and he has all control of the bank accounts. He keeps saying he love me but is addicted to these sex chat rooms

OP posts:
Original poster
30years · 01/08/2018 12:14

I have moved into the spare room and have stopped cooking cleaning etc

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 01/08/2018 12:14

What he tells you it utter crap.
If he is gonna be unreasonable then the courts will decide what does and doesn't happen.
So if he's 'addicted', what is he doing about it?
Therapy? There are many counsellors now who specialise in porn addiction.

Original poster
30years · 01/08/2018 12:16

Thank you everyone it makes me feel better just letting it all out, I will keep you posted

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 01/08/2018 12:17

It's not up to him how the assets are divided up, it doesn't work like that.

Either you agree between you, or the court decides, that's the way it is.

Original poster
30years · 01/08/2018 12:18

Paid off in 4 years

OP posts:
Cambionome · 01/08/2018 12:24

I left my stbxh after 29 years. You can do it and you should be entitled to at least 50% of everything, including his pension.

See a solicitor asap!! This is vital. Take all important paperwork such as mortgage details, his salary, pensions, etc if you can, but get the ball rolling anyway.

If you know anyone who has used a solicitor recently get recommendations.

You can do this!!!

JeanLouiseAKAScout · 01/08/2018 17:09

Haha so funny these men. You will have 50/50 for a start. Solicitor and keep coming back for support here Thanks

HelenaHB · 02/08/2018 13:06

Absolutely get yourself to a solicitor now. Well done to you for deciding you are not going to waste any more time on this man.

Freewilly1959 · 05/04/2020 16:05

Hi iv been married for 42 years my husband keeps going in to moods not speaking to me for weeks on end it is a regular pattern iv recently found out his brothers are the same with there wives I also have recently started to suspect that my husband as not been faithful over the years it seem all brothers have been with the same woman in the same street my husband as become ill and as been near death a few times iv always stood by him I'm desperately unhappy with this regular pattern of silent treatment hes cold every time I touch him or try to kiss him looks the other way hes told me he cant have sex and as no interest in sex any more so I didnt push thinking it's his tablets we have not slept in the same bed for 20 years because he does not sleep he keeps me awake hes been very cold as late I decided to look on his tablet and to my surprise have found loads of hard core porn hes been masterbating I challenged him he denied it of course but told him iv looked on tablet hes been looking every day he then smashed his tablet up and mine in the process and hasnt spoken to me for days I'm shocked and hurt by this I suspect hes been doing it a long time I feel like hes cheated on me besides that woman every bodys been with I work part time and would like to live on my own he controls the money house paid for in joint names help

Fairycake2 · 05/04/2020 16:17

@freewilly1959 you be better starting your own thread. This one is almost 2 years old

Freewilly1959 · 05/04/2020 16:27

Thank you how do I do that

FlowerArranger · 05/04/2020 17:44

Click on add thread

Im sure you'll get a lot of useful advice, but pkease use paragraphs as it's rather difficult to read otherwise.

Littlelovebug04 · 15/04/2021 16:58

Hello!
I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.
I have got a 5 month old daughter and I really want to leave my partner for loads of different reasons that I can’t deal with anymore but I can’t leave as I have nowhere to go or no money. What can I do?

harknesswitch · 15/04/2021 17:14

He’s not reasonable at all, he tells me I won’t get a divorce and he won’t sell the house and he has all control of the bank accounts

That's not his decision to make. You can divorce him even if he refuses, you can also legally force a sale through the divorce.

harknesswitch · 15/04/2021 17:15

Arghhhh zombie thread

category12 · 15/04/2021 17:17

You go get some advice from a solicitor and you start a divorce. He doesn't get to dictate this.

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