Made the 'first move', now what?

[dragonflyflew]

Hey, please advise, I think I know the answer anyway...
I had seen someone out and about who I liked the look of.
He 'popped up' on FB as 'people you might know', so (in a fit of madness) I sent a friend request.
He accepted my request and I sent a message explaining I'd seen him in his band and then he popped up, mutual friends etc, he sent a lovely message back, quite vague, nice to meet, sure I'll see you around you kind of thing , which I took as a brush off a(fair enough) then I left it there.
A couple of weeks later he sent me a message which was purely an invitation to an event I was already attending. I thanked him and said I'll see him there.
He responded enthusiastically.
It was a family event and I attended with my children, lots of our friends there.
He saw me and came over and was friendly, we chatted briefly, keenly observed by my friend. I felt self conscious and a bit embarrassed but he was giving me lots of lovely eye contact and my friend asked who he was and said she thinks he's interested.
we met up several times throughout the day and he was lovely, friendly and I was the same, chilled and friendly...
I left early due to my kids and that's it. The full story!
So....
Common sense tells me that I should just leave 'it' now and see what happens, whether he contacts me or not.
I'd toyed with the idea of sending an 'it was nice to meet you' message but as I made the first contact I think it could come across as a bit desperate.
We're in our forties despite me sounding like a kid...
Any advice please?

Enough with worrying and playing silly games. Just ask him out on a proper date already! Or perhaps to your house for dinner. Life is too short and you are far too old to worry like a silly school girl. If he says no, he says no. And life will go on.

No I'd wait and let him come to you. If he's interested he will.

you have to hold your hand out flat, with a sugar lump on it, and approach really slowly and quietly.

Enough with worrying and playing silly games. Just ask him out on a proper date already!

This. Men are not psychic. You did not make the first move. The saying is not: 'faint heart gets all the totty'.

I'd toyed with the idea of sending an 'it was nice to meet you' message but as I made the first contact I think it could come across as a bit desperate.

Nope, it would still be pissing around like a 14 YO- pretend you are an adult and ask him out. Desperate would be if he says no and you wait outside his house to ask again 7.

It’s not desperate to ask someone out.

Message him and say you enjoyed the event and would he like to go out with you sometime.

He can say no, that’s fine. Rejection isn’t the most awful thing in the world.

How about something like this

"Really enjoyed seeing you at xxxxx would you like to meet up sometime for a meal/drinks/coffee/movie just the two of us?"

Thank you for all your responses. I like both the sugarlump idea and the suggestion of waiting outside his front door. But I don't know where he lives....[santa]
Thank you for being so sensible. I know life will go on, i guess I have a sensitive little ego and have been conditioned to think men should do 'all the chasing' ...i will leave it a few days ( just because) and then see if he's free for a meet up.

Nah, do it now. And tell us the result. 😘

Ages ago I asked out a guy I saw on match.com. We've been married for 21 years, he's a wonderful husband and father to our two lovely children.

She who cares wins.

Good luck

Decent blokes are swamped with offers. Don’t fanny about, be direct & ask him.

Don’t miss the boat

He has already contacted you....

Ask him out on a specific date at a specific time. If he's not interested, he can say "Oh, I'd love to, but I'm busy that day." If he is genuinely busy, he can say "I'm busy that day, what about xxxx?" although it sounds to me like he'll probably just say "Yes".

As REA says *How about something like this

"Really enjoyed seeing you at xxxxx would you like to meet up sometime for a meal/drinks/coffee/movie just the two of us?"*

Ooohhh! So nervous.
So pathetic.
I'm not even 100% sure he's single. FB says he is but he has a small child...
I think I'm nervous because I have a poor relationship track record. My choices have mainly been dreadful. The best one was my DH who made me supremely miserable!
Since divorce it's been a series of sorry experiences, I'm scared of a) rejection and b) making another big mistake!
He is gorgeous tho and just my 'type'.
Also he is not English and I'm worried that culturally I might be making a mistake if I come across too feminist, which is stupid cos if we were a couple I'd still be a feminist.
Sorry for being such a wuss...

She who dares wins, not "cares".

Ask him, life is too short not to try. You might find he’s not for you but at least you’ve found out.

Tell him you like him, if he says he doesn't like you back in that way or brushes you off, leave it. He may like you but not want anything serious, may be trying to gauge if you actually fancy him as it may have not been obvious from your body language. It could literally be anything.

My good experiences have been to keep it very low key, so suggest meeting, not a date just something like lunch or coffee.

This might be the start of a relationship but also may be the start of a really good friendship. Take it slowly and find out without any pressure of expectation. If you are worried about the effect of a rejection on you, this is a much kinder way to enter into meeting someone new.

You never know, till you give it go

Is there something you were talking about that you could work into a message? For example, years ago I was chatting to a guy at work I liked and we were talking about a restaurant but neither of us could remember the name. I found it and messaged him saying I had remembered the name and did he fancy trying it sometime? Sadly I left it too long to do this and he had started seeing someone else.

Ginger1982 that's a cautionary tale!
I know I'm being silly, building it up into this big drama, we might not even like each other in real life!

shitwithsugaron how exciting! Well done and good luck did you meet on a date site?
I know fb isn't a date site but I know plenty of couples who got together that way.
We don't live on each other's doorstep. It's a small town but I've only seen him twice and we wouldn't naturally have been introduced I don't think, despite having mutual friends. We would probably only bump into each other at events where he's playing!