Made the 'first move', now what?

[dragonflyflew]

Hey, please advise, I think I know the answer anyway...
I had seen someone out and about who I liked the look of.
He 'popped up' on FB as 'people you might know', so (in a fit of madness) I sent a friend request.
He accepted my request and I sent a message explaining I'd seen him in his band and then he popped up, mutual friends etc, he sent a lovely message back, quite vague, nice to meet, sure I'll see you around you kind of thing , which I took as a brush off a(fair enough) then I left it there.
A couple of weeks later he sent me a message which was purely an invitation to an event I was already attending. I thanked him and said I'll see him there.
He responded enthusiastically.
It was a family event and I attended with my children, lots of our friends there.
He saw me and came over and was friendly, we chatted briefly, keenly observed by my friend. I felt self conscious and a bit embarrassed but he was giving me lots of lovely eye contact and my friend asked who he was and said she thinks he's interested.
we met up several times throughout the day and he was lovely, friendly and I was the same, chilled and friendly...
I left early due to my kids and that's it. The full story!
So....
Common sense tells me that I should just leave 'it' now and see what happens, whether he contacts me or not.
I'd toyed with the idea of sending an 'it was nice to meet you' message but as I made the first contact I think it could come across as a bit desperate.
We're in our forties despite me sounding like a kid...
Any advice please?

I would respond thanks enjoy your weekend too.

Just so he knows you are not "sulking" and won't be awkward if you meet him again.

I would not apologise for hassling him as you haven't.

Good to hear of a decent man clearly stating his partner & family are priorities.

I wouldn't respond again, also he's just being polite about meeting for a coffee " one day".

Yeah it's good and reassuring, explains why he was reticent with previous responses!
I think will just respond nicely and make no mention of gaffe nor meet up!
Bless him, must have felt really awkward, hopefully a bit flattered to be stalked by a middle aged dumpy single mum !

Oh, so sorry to hear this one was already taken.

But the good news is that you took the initiative and the sky didn't fall. Now you know you can do it when the next prospect comes along.

MissConductUS the sky is definitely still above us! , I agree, at least now I know I can do it if I ever want to again!
Nothing ventured nothing gained 😊

Now put on your war paint and go hunting!

I am woman, hear me roar 🤣

Definitely just ‘No worries, have a great weekend.’

Never mind, at least you asked!

Aww good for you for giving it a go OP.

And don't be embarrassed - he will be massively flattered, you probably made his day. And he's politely told you in a roundabout way that he's already taken - that's far better thank a flat rejection or ignoring you.

coldneverbotheredmeanyway thank you, only mildly embarrassed, I don’t think I made a complete fool of myself....luckily I wasn’t too insistent or forthright or physically demonstrative...
sure I’ll get over it.
I’d much rather be let down gently than have some married sleaze take me up on my offer. I’d actually be more disappointed if he had accepted and then I found out he’s got a partner.
It’s nice to know there’s still some decent guys out there, just need to find one of my own now!

I’d actually be more disappointed if he had accepted and then I found out he’s got a partner.

Absolutely

If it's any consolation, I had a similar situation. I briefly worked with a guy who I fancied massively, so I friend requested him on facebook. We messaged back and forth a few times - but to be fair I think he was just being polite... I was never brave enough to ask him out, but then I found out his girlfriend was about to have a baby ... So I made a fool of myself chatting up a very attached man. Argh!

I think a “no worries, enjoy your weekend” response is perfect.

You haven’t made a fool of yourself at all.

I'd reply with "Ah yes, life is always busy! I know the feeling well. Hope you and your family enjoy your weekend. Take care".

ColdNeverBotheredMeAnyway thank goodness it's not just me! These things happen I guess. Especially now with technology at our fingertips, it makes it much easier to randomly connect with people and much more scope for mistakes and misunderstanding!

I sent a message agreeing how busy we all are and wished him a good weekend, & deleted the message thread. that's enough now, not expecting any response!

Good on you for trying though. And he gave a really nice response, friendly but clear. What a shame he is taken! Best of luck next time :)

how it should be - you asked, he was polite and nice but let you know the situation, and both of you have your dignity attached should you meet again! not actually a bad job, bar the no date thing!

Mummadeeze yes he was nice, very clear in a polite and slightly awkward way.

orlandointhewilderness I do feel my dignity is attached although will feel a bit bashful if we meet again I’ll be able to brazen it out!

Funny enough I did get asked out yesterday for a real date with someone who is really single.... he’s gorgeous but as far as I’m aware a bit chaotic. We’ve had a mild flirtation for about twenty years, never pursued it although been out for a few drinks and years ages ago told me he fancied me. We recently got back in touch with each other and he’s asked me a couple of times, first time didn’t go as huge misunderstanding (he was too vague and I had a lot on) so he’s asked me again and I’ve said yes this time. Hopefully can suss our whether he’s still chaotic or a bit more together now. He’s very slightly younger and has no kids.
Due to post divorce shenanigans m I’m a bit wary of dating men with no kids but I should keep an open mind.

AND a long distance fling /fwb has asked if he can come and visit over the next couple of weekends, so things are picking up, forward March!

Ohh sounds promising and full of fun!

Yes it does, fun is good for the soul!

Well isn't that just perfect timing - go for it!