Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Made the 'first move', now what?

96 replies

dragonflyflew · 29/07/2018 14:59

Hey, please advise, I think I know the answer anyway...
I had seen someone out and about who I liked the look of.
He 'popped up' on FB as 'people you might know', so (in a fit of madness) I sent a friend request.
He accepted my request and I sent a message explaining I'd seen him in his band and then he popped up, mutual friends etc, he sent a lovely message back, quite vague, nice to meet, sure I'll see you around you kind of thing , which I took as a brush off a(fair enough) then I left it there.
A couple of weeks later he sent me a message which was purely an invitation to an event I was already attending. I thanked him and said I'll see him there.
He responded enthusiastically.
It was a family event and I attended with my children, lots of our friends there.
He saw me and came over and was friendly, we chatted briefly, keenly observed by my friend. I felt self conscious and a bit embarrassed but he was giving me lots of lovely eye contact and my friend asked who he was and said she thinks he's interested.
we met up several times throughout the day and he was lovely, friendly and I was the same, chilled and friendly...
I left early due to my kids and that's it. The full story!
So....
Common sense tells me that I should just leave 'it' now and see what happens, whether he contacts me or not.
I'd toyed with the idea of sending an 'it was nice to meet you' message but as I made the first contact I think it could come across as a bit desperate.
We're in our forties despite me sounding like a kid...
Any advice please?

OP posts:

shitwithsugaron · 02/08/2018 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 02/08/2018 08:11

shitwithsugaron yay! !!!
I had posted upthread to see how you got on!
So pleased that you had a lovely time, how exciting. Really hope good things continue to happen for you both X

OP posts:

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 02/08/2018 08:11

Ps what did you do for your date?

OP posts:

Zoflorabore · 02/08/2018 08:26

Ooh op I'm in a very similar situation so keeping everything crossed for you

shitwithsugaron · 02/08/2018 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummadeeze · 02/08/2018 08:36

Hope you get a positive response. Well done for putting yourself out there. Am rooting for you :)

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 02/08/2018 14:39

Aaargh! Just wrote a long post In response to people's messages but am on a cheap shitty little second hand phone as mine broke yesterday and it's absolutely rubbish.
The kind you see dealers using. Honestly it wasn't even wiped when i bought it in my lunch break yesterday, the previous owners messenger was still running so I was getting all his messages, he's messaging several women at once and he loves and misses them all!

Anyway. ... I digress. My message appears to have been read (messenger) No news is good news so 'they' say. ...

OP posts:

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 02/08/2018 14:41

Good luck Zoflorabore , look forward to hearing your news!

shitwithsugaron that's an exciting first date, how lovely to have a little frisson and fun x

OP posts:

myusernamewastakenbyme · 02/08/2018 15:10

Awww i love these threads....im kind of flirting with a man at work....i really like him and i think he likes me but both of us too shy to make the first move....im plucking up the courage to ask him out for a drink....i will need alcohol or i will be too shy to talk to him x

Mum4Fergus · 02/08/2018 15:23

This happened to me about 3.5 years ago too...contact with me ever of a band via their social media site, a few messages before we moved to personal messages...started dating, and we got married on Tuesday

MarshaBradyo · 02/08/2018 15:33

Well done !

StrawberryLaces0 · 02/08/2018 16:29

Any update? Has he been on since seeing your message? He may be busy and perhaps things it needs a more thoughtful reply?

AntsMarching · 02/08/2018 17:05

Awww...well done for making the move. I hope it pays off, but you know, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Soopermum1 · 02/08/2018 20:52

Op. My situation was almost identical to your's. I had to nudge him along a little but when I finally asked him out for a drink and we met with no other distractions, that was it.

He says he was kicking himself after the first date that he had been a bit reticent.

It's been wonderful ever since.

TheMonkeyMummy · 02/08/2018 21:24

This phone... how many woman is he messaging? What a dog? Missed point of thread

Gretagumbo · 02/08/2018 23:31

Yay well done.
Marking my place for an update.

I’ve always done the asking too. In my experience even if people aren’t interested they are usually flattered.

Also it feels good to have asked even if the worst happens and they turn you down.

Fingers crossed that the best happens x

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 03/08/2018 00:13

TheMonkeyMummy I read at least 7 messages to other women, all around the same time last week. They were all dire, dull and the phone is so crap and slow I gave up on it and did a full reset. It’s still crap and slow. Good thread derailment from both of us!

So, not a dickiebird from the other guy. His response to my introductory message took a few days....we shall see. I’m using the excuse of English is not his first language and telling myself that maybe I came across as quite casual rather than datey, time will tell I guess. I’ll be a bit disappointed but if someone’s not the right person no amount of timing or careful wording will make any difference!
Thanks for being with me through the debacle!

OP posts:

PolkaHots · 03/08/2018 00:56

Let us know if he gets back to you!

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 03/08/2018 23:34

Here we go, I’ve removed a couple of identifiable deets, it sounds pretty much like exactly the things I say to people when they try to get too full on with me, apart from the partner thing, definitely misread that, fb status saying ‘single’ didn’t help

“Hi Dragon! Sorry I couldn’t respond to your message yesterday! Well despite that I’m a busy person with family responsibilities; my child, partner, house.... formal job ‘informal job’ and other things. I can try to find some time one day! Haha, no, seriously, yes we could have a coffee one day or meet up with the little ones if it’s easier but Is truth that I’m normally busy and the family life is taken part of it but we could try one day! I hope you’re having a good weekend... I’m working”

So there it is, rejected but for the right reasons! Not sure how to reply, just something like I understand, I’m mega busy too, sure we’ll bump into you again!
Don’t want to overdo it but also don’t want to seem churlish, feel a bit embarrassed but at least I know now, all the good ones my age are taken

OP posts:

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 04/08/2018 08:13

Just bumping for selfish reasons! want attention and a soothing head stroke! No really just want post contributors to see the update!

OP posts:

WasFatNowThin · 04/08/2018 08:26

Aww shucks!

Soopermum1 · 04/08/2018 08:47

Awe, that's a shame. He sounds lovely, from his response (no consolation I know.)

Original poster

dragonflyflew · 04/08/2018 08:56

I know!
it is a shame because he's gorgeous and exactly my type (very niche type so not easy to find) so Not surprised he has a partner.
but at least he was gracious. He seems lovely so at least my twat radar is working if not my coupled up radar.

Do you think I should apologise for harassing him or just agree that he does indeed sound very busy?!

OP posts:

StrawberryLaces0 · 04/08/2018 09:51

No, don't respond. Leave it as is.

Coolcool · 04/08/2018 09:52

Yes just leave it

Flip

1 2 3 4