Annoying guy doesn’t seem to get the message

[PookieDo]

Guy is my tutor as I am adult learning which is why he has my contact details. Now he’s started following me on social media where I post arty type photos, and I am annoyed and awkward about it because I feel like right now he isn’t doing anything terrible, just being irritating. He likes all my photos and I don’t really want to have to go private just to get away from him (it’s not a private account... it’s not photos of myself but he knows it’s me and think he found it via my phone number?). Last week he sent me a DM about a photo I posted which I ignored. Last month he sent me a message about something I was wearing at a tutorial.

I have told him multiple times i am not interested, so now I am just ignoring him unless it’s course related. He was outrageously sexual with me when he thought I might be interested but I put a stop to that and now it’s just multiple attempts at being friendly. So nothing that bad.... am I over reacting?

I do not want to report him because I am getting close to the end of course and really just need to get through the exam - and I am concerned that if he got thrown off this course as tutor it would really affect mine and my fellow students progress and be a complete mess. We had a rocky start with tutors and just want to finish. I also do worry he’s going to pass my work because he thinks I will shag him

In summary, annoying guy seems to have no self awareness and is pissing off woman trying to learn something.

I am considering reporting him once I have passed the exam. Is this cowardly?

This is disgraceful, and clearly so far from professional it’s untrue. He needs to lose this tutoring job pronto, and I can’t see how any employer would keep him on in the face of the evidence in this thread alone. Props to you OP, for not putting up with this utter... not sure what he is. Let’s stick with dickhead for now.

Ok update from my employer: he’s in big shit. His company are taking it seriously. I told my employer in a bit more detail how bad it was and she was 😡😳😡
We agreed to ignore him completely, see the outcome of what happens with his work but if I feel concerned I should call 101. So far I don’t feel threatened exactly but this is how harassment makes you feel isn’t it

Have you disclosed everything to your employer, Pookie? You have nothing to be embarrassed about, and I think it would be better if you did one complete disclosure rather than potentially have to go back and add things in afterwards.

I would call 101 and report him, not least because if he's already known to the police this will help you assess the risk more accurately.

I would also call 101 in your particular circumstances Pookie. Do not unduly delay calling them here. This man is a menace to women and such types as well hate women, all of them.

Previous threads like this have said the police want you to send an explicit message like "if you contact me again I'll consider this harassment and will be contacting the police.
If he managed to contact you again you could reply with something like this.

Yes so he is all blocked except for work emails - so I will send that message if I get any more contact via that route.

Work said they think I should wait for the outcome of his meeting and then decide how to proceed further, I think based on the suspicion i may not be the only woman?

Also I asked them to check my file with the company re my personal contact details. Can’t recall if I gave my home address or not, but do recall having to submit ID documents... I will feel better if he doesn’t/can’t see my address and want this answer from them

I had to send a statement yesterday to the company he works for. It ended up being massive! They said there is a meeting today with him and they will tell me the outcome afterwards

He has been on holiday, not at work so doesn’t know what has happened.

I am nervous about it because i don’t know how he will react, especially if he gets the sack. He seems to know something is wrong because he keeps emailing (work email, and I cannot stop this) asking the same questions over and over for something related to the course and I haven’t responded. He sent a few of the same texts to my work phone and he’s done the same to my colleague. In one of the messages he says he can’t get into his work account because he has been blocked for some unknown reason.

I also told them I wanted an answer about whether he has any access to my address from their records

I'm sure it will be ok. You're going the right thing.

I would guess he knows perfectly well why he can't get on the computer, he'll use the "I thought her saying no was flirting" defence so he has to maintain being mystified.

Don’t care if it’s outing but I know he’s the type to sue someone as he told me he’s done it before. So I am on edge wondering if it could get very nasty and bitter

I've just read this entire thread with, like a PP, my jaw hanging at the complete disgusting mess he is.
Well done OP on reporting him. I hope you've disclosed everything possible to get this utter creep sacked - you did absolutely nothing wrong and he's a monster. He should never be in a position of any kind of authority again. He's repulsive (and I just bet he's a narcissist too).

And what on earth could he sue you for? Telling the truth? He's hung himself with his own words, he will have no comeback don't worry. Any solicitor seeing the evidence you have would laugh him out of the room.

Not sue me but try cause me some misery of some kind
If he’s vindictive about it and not remorseful. There is a likely chance he’s going to lose his job I suppose

They have just come back to me to say his access is suspended but until it was, he did have access to my address, they will support me in whatever I choose to do now (and tell me outcome of the meeting they have and I want to know his reaction)

I actually feel ill. I woke up with a really bad stomach ache

Oh no. Do
You then know getting police advice would help.

I would wait and report him after you get your marks.

I couldn’t wait any longer - he had started getting quite revolting

What do i say to police? He hasn’t come to find me just that he might do?

This has come are the most shit time

I just started to get the confidence to start to date again and Work is going really well. So today I am sitting at home feeling sick and anxious can’t concentrate on work or anything

Talk to the police. They can address your worries, check if he has history and if they feel it is necessary can put a marker on your phone/address so you get an immediate response. It is very unlikely they would need to though.

They can also warn him off so that he thinks twice about any vindictiveness.

Do I need his details? I have his phone no, name and vague idea of the town he lives in

Sorry, missed that you had replied.

The police should be able to get further details from his work.

Police can contact his employer this awful you have done the right thing

this is horrific you poor thing

definitely contact police for advice and to have it on record. I hope you never have any contact from him again, but he doesn't seem the type that's going to drop it unfortunately.

Please contact the Police OP. Have you any friends or family that can stay with you for a few weeks?

What a deluded moron! His behaviour is beyond outrageous.

The man is a predator and certainly shouldn't be a tutor, he may have a history of inappropriate behaviour, it would certainly be sensible to raise concerns with the police about whether he has a history of harassment given that its wuite possible he has your home address. I very much doubt you are the first woman he has treated like this.

And on a side note I also very much doubt he has a big willy or knows how to use it either.