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Original poster

Husband of 15 years becoming really smutty

118 replies

dontbesillyhenry · 21/07/2018 22:58

I've started to notice he's becoming more smutty that usual laughing at more smut and watching more puerile tv programmes. I've tried telling him I'm shocked and he seems to have really changed yet he starts getting aggressive and pulling faces at me telling me I'm controlling. It's not the kind of man I want to be with yet he tries to make me feel unreasonable any ideas please

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 22/07/2018 06:49

Nothing funny about dementia and some people do get it quite young,

Also, a stroke can cause smutty behaviour where there was none previously

bubbles108 · 22/07/2018 06:50

So because he's watching celebrity juice and laughing at fart jokes he might have dementia or a brain tumour.......thats worrying.

Because he's watching and laughing as you've indicated AND THIS IS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE - a complete change of character - it may be a brain change/illness

Cleaningthefours · 22/07/2018 06:56

Or..their relationship isn't good, as OP has indicated, and he no longer pretends to not like the things he does in an effort to please her. Or he is deliberately winding her up.

AjasLipstick · 22/07/2018 06:57

Susien no but because OP says it's far removed from his usual behaviour. He's gone through a marked change.

It could just be a mid life crisis.

Deathraystare · 22/07/2018 07:09

2nd childhood???

DirtyBlonde · 22/07/2018 07:14

He's probably always had lowbrow moments, and is abreacting to being told off. As many adults do.

Shocked that he has lapses in taste? Really?

Rudgie47 · 22/07/2018 07:17

You can get early onset dementia at any age, I know a nurse who nursed someone with it at 19!. As soon as I read the post I thought Dementia. OP I'd be advising your husband to go to the G.P and get proper check over for dementia and mental health problems.

Bluetrews25 · 22/07/2018 07:30

I am also concerned at abrupt personality change. I would suggest OP visits GP to discuss first, before trying to drag DH down there against his will. Or go jointly, if he will.
I'd find this quite worrying, on many levels.

SweetIcedTea · 22/07/2018 07:45

When my exH started behaving differently, being deliberately very difficult to live with, he was having an affair with an associated breakdown. So some of it was mental health related but that wasn't the underlying reason. He was the last man anyone who knew him would have guessed would have had an affair.

Original poster

dontbesillyhenry · 22/07/2018 07:51

He had a brain tumour years back and has regular check ups so not so concerned about that. Dementia I'm not so convinced but I'm thinking along the lines of midlife crisis with some of the things he's come out with lately I.e saying he would take our daughter to see Dua Lipa/Stormzy etc

OP posts:

lillylollylandy · 22/07/2018 07:55

How old is he OP?

Shortstuff08 · 22/07/2018 08:08

I do think dementia could be a possibility. But a remote one.

Tbh, people do change. I changed over my 18 year marriage. Towards the end of my marriage, I did start watching stuff he didn't enjoy. He would say what I liked changed. I would say that I got fed up of watching what he wanted all the time and started watching stuff, I enjoyed some of the time. That's how I changed. I realised that my like and dislikes weren't aligned with exh, as much as I thought they were. I had just told myself that, so he didn't get the face on when I would want to watch what he wanted.

All of a sudden I got the confidence to express what I wanted to do.

fitbitbore · 22/07/2018 08:10

Tumours can cause personality changes too, best get him to the gp to ask for a brain scan to see if anything has returned.

Shortstuff08 · 22/07/2018 08:11

Oh and yes, I started taking my teen dd to concerts etc. He always told her no. I got the confidence to over rule that and take her myself. Not just with dd though.

My best friend was a huge Nelly fan back in the day. A couple of years ago he did a tour, the tickets were cheap so even though I wasn't a fan I thought it would be, at least, a laugh and we went. Exh really wasn't happy and told me I was acting like a teenager. I told him, I was going to have a fun night out.

Bluetrews25 · 22/07/2018 08:21

Woah! He had a brain tumour years ago? - all the more reason to get this checked out, pronto, OP, sorry. This is really concerning.

abilockhart · 22/07/2018 09:07

Where was the tumour last time? Personality changes can be the first symptoms of a tumour growing in the frontal lobe. He needs to be checked immediately.

Namechange128 · 22/07/2018 09:12

He really needs to be checked again, given his medical history.

wafflyversatile · 22/07/2018 10:07

Having joined the chorus of dementia and read your update and shortstuffs post may be you have a teen who likes these programmes so you're just now seeing he likes them too?

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 22/07/2018 10:43

I'm with those who think he's probably just a bit tired of being told what he is and isn't allowed to watch, do, or find funny. He's a grown adult, OP. He can laugh at whatever the hell he likes. Stop trying to control him - it is not okay for anybody to control what their spouse is allowed to watch, what they can find funny, what they wear, whether they take their child to a concert, who they can be friends with, or anything else.

Original poster

dontbesillyhenry · 22/07/2018 11:53

He has regular check ups as I already said

I don't tell him what he can watch laugh at etc but what he is is not usual for him

OP posts:

Seeingadistance · 22/07/2018 13:12

Are you not worried that at his next regular check up it might turn out that the tumour has returned?

Surely, given his history, it makes sense to schedule an urgent appointment when his behaviour changes in between regular check ups?

ProfYaffle · 22/07/2018 13:29

How often are his check ups? I'm presuming they're scans? If it's less frequent than annual I'd be asking it for it to be brought forward.

My dh has lived with a brain tumour for years, has annual scans. He started getting eye sight problems which turned out to be a new symptom and the tumour was re-growing.

I'd be taking it seriously.

LampHat · 22/07/2018 14:50

I’m surprised his history of brain tumours seems to make you less rather than more concerned. Check ups are fine, but if there’s a chance to catch something sooner I think you’d kick yourself for ignoring warning signs. Hope it turns out to be nothing though

BeUpStanding · 22/07/2018 15:54

Another one here who's first thought was dementia or a brain illness. Get him checked out again.

Graphista · 22/07/2018 16:52

"He had a brain tumour years back" that's actually all the MORE reason he should go to GP, NOT less. Check ups are cautionary/preventive but he'll also have been told if he notices certain symptoms he should be going to GP even if that's ahead of next check up being due.

Plus - either a massive drip feed or even more worryingly it didn't occur to you this might be a factor which rather suggests you don't have much compassion for him.

Treatment for the tumour could have left him vulnerable to other causes of disinhibition too.

He needs to go to GP ASAP.

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