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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband of 15 years becoming really smutty

118 replies

dontbesillyhenry · 21/07/2018 22:58

I've started to notice he's becoming more smutty that usual laughing at more smut and watching more puerile tv programmes. I've tried telling him I'm shocked and he seems to have really changed yet he starts getting aggressive and pulling faces at me telling me I'm controlling. It's not the kind of man I want to be with yet he tries to make me feel unreasonable any ideas please

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 21/07/2018 23:59

I'd be shocked and astonished if my dp started behaving like that. He can laugh at, say, Billy Connolly (so can I) but not that Roy Chubby person. I would definitely think something was wrong with his MH if he started thinking Celebrity Juice was funny.

Rebecca36 · 22/07/2018 00:02

Just tell him straight that you don't appreciate his silly, schoolboy humour and could he keep it to himself.

violeticecream · 22/07/2018 00:03

My exact thought. A relative who was a straight laced type of person started saying sexual stuff, would meet up with men. Totally out of her character. She was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Not to say it would be anything like that at all but personality changes could be an early sign of something. I would speak to the gp.

sugarnotsweetener · 22/07/2018 00:29

The people who are suggesting brain disease are doing so for good reason, this can be one of the very earliest signs years before the rest.

Chasingcars123 · 22/07/2018 00:35

My friends mum started using bad language which was so unlike her. It turned out to be dementia.

noselimit · 22/07/2018 00:49

Dementia Hmm

Or maybe the guy has spent 15 years not watching things for fear of OP and now he is having a 'fuck it' moment.

MarcieBlue · 22/07/2018 00:58

Sorry following as sounds like my dad

Rollupandride · 22/07/2018 02:14

Is he hanging around with new people?

Graphista · 22/07/2018 02:45

Change in behaviour that can be described as a loss of inhibition can absolutely indicate neurological issues. How old is he? How is his health generally? Is he a heavy drinker? Diabetic?

Not just dementia but also Tia, metabolic disorders...

There was a thread a few months ago, op was originally just annoyed and fed up dh was expecting her to basically be his diary as his short term memory had worsened, iirc it turned out he'd had a tia. Something that hasn't occurred to either op or dh, he was quite young I think, but there turned out to be an underlying undiagnosed issue that made him susceptible to them.

Even something as daft as a hard bump to the wrong part of the head can cause issues.

My grandfather had a bad stroke at what I now know to have been a relatively young age (late 50's - when it's yours granda you just think they're old as they're a good bit older than you). Prior to my birth he'd been a pow and then a heavy drinker - malnutrition and the ravages of alcohol were both thought to be the main factors. He went from being very much stiff upper lip 'hard man' to sobbing with heartbreak at Andrex ads.

I've worked in geriatric care which is where you're more likely to see this type of thing, relatives are quite disturbed sometimes at an about change in their loved ones personality.

Must be said mental illness can also be a factor. Hypersexuality can be factor in several conditions.

But physical causes need to be ruled out first as they may indicate life threatening conditions that need treated Asap.

Also consider any medication he's just started.

wafflyversatile · 22/07/2018 02:51

Another one thinking along the same lines as PPs. If he has changed significantly then you need to find out why.

Seeingadistance · 22/07/2018 02:53

Dementia or similar was my first thought as well. A sudden change like this could well be the sign of a serious health problem which should be taken seriously and investigated.

Charolais · 22/07/2018 03:25

My mother’s personality changed before we noticed her memory getting bad. I remember talking to her on the phone and she told me she had to "clean dad’s shit up in the kitchen". I was shocked, she never used words like that. My dad had left some crumbs in the table. After her nasty phase she turned into the mum I always wanted, calling me ‘love’ and other endearments.

As other poster said, there are many different forms of dementia. An in-law had Primary Progressive Aphasia (PPA) for ten years with no memory issues. She became cheerful and more pleasant at first.

1forAll74 · 22/07/2018 05:32

i don't think this watching of so called smutty stuff anything to worry about.. maybe your husband has been shielded from smut for a long time, and just discovered all the crappy tv programmes re this kind of thing, but sooner or later, people get fed up with all this crap,so don't worry too much about it.

serialcheat · 22/07/2018 05:41

Divorce.

With Keith Lemon as the presiding judge.

bubbles108 · 22/07/2018 05:43

He's changed. Suddenly. And he can't explain why and in fact gets angry when asked to explain.

Imo that's weird.

Some sort of brain change is definitely a possibility

phlewf · 22/07/2018 06:04

This was the first sign of my dads brain tumour. Almost exactly. He was very high brow and a bit of snob, tending to tell jokes in Latin, suddenly a carry on film had him howling. When my mum commented he got really angry. They really fell out. When he was diagnosed it all became clear.
It’s probably not that but think about whether this is a dramatic change in personality.

Monty27 · 22/07/2018 06:11

Get him to a gp. It's out of character for him yes? So something isn't right

Emmageddon · 22/07/2018 06:17

I know you find it amusing that posters are suggesting dementia but a sudden personality change is indicative of something wrong somewhere.

Dontaskmeanything · 22/07/2018 06:19

They've been a couple since quite young. They may have just grown apart and previously unnoticed/accepted things are now annoying. OP has very strong opinions and the DH may indeed feel she is controlling.

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 22/07/2018 06:32

Another one here thinking he needs to go to the OP.

Dementia was the first thing that came to mind when I read the OP.

HOw old is your DH, OP?

AjasLipstick · 22/07/2018 06:32

How old is he? Loosing inhibitions is indeed a sign of dementia.

EnthusiasmWellAndTrulyCurbed · 22/07/2018 06:33

Sorry but ROFL @ dementia!

Why? What is funny about it? Confused

susien777 · 22/07/2018 06:40

So because he's watching celebrity juice and laughing at fart jokes he might have dementia or a brain tumour.......thats worrying.

Cleaningthefours · 22/07/2018 06:48

OP isn't 40 yet so DH may be similar in age.

borntobequiet · 22/07/2018 06:48

Similar with friend’s husband - a brain tumour.

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