Ins and outs of Whatsapp

[Idontknowenough]

Good morning everyone. NC because I'm somewhat embarrassed to ask this question. I'm just wondering if anyone knows the full scope of WhatsApp and sex? I suspect my DP is masturbating using Whatsapp. What worries me is that as far as I'm aware, it's a messaging platform. Is there more to it? I have no issue with masturbation and I know he watches porn but if he is messaging someone with regard to sex, then we have a problem.

Any information would be greatly appreciated.

He doesn't always eat dinner with us but this seemed as though it was what he wanted to do as soon as he got home. I don't know, it just felt off.

he said if I ask him again, the relationship will be over

This alone is an indication of what sort of man he is. I was the same as you, looking for concrete proof, yet whenever I did find it he would switch it around and make it seem as if I was wrong or reading more into something than I should. Much like your's did with the dating profile.

I understand it's not easy to just end things when you have children. Luckily me and my ex didn't and he'd moved into my home so it was really just a case of kicking him out! So it was far easier for me in that sense.

I think there's a couple of things to ask yourself and think about.

1. If you do find concrete proof, what will you do? If you would definitely end it then, what stops you doing that now? Because are you truly happy right now? I'm guessing not. His response to you re ending things shows you that this will continue and you are never allowed to question anything. That's not good for your mental well being.
2. What does he bring to your life currently? So as an example, if you're reliant on him financially, can you start working on things so that you're not?

If you start working on your own independence and inner strength, you will be far better placed to stand up for yourself and make decisions. Again, I know from my experience, my mind and emotions were always in knots thinking about what he might be doing, instead of focusing on my self and that was definitely a mistake on my part. In fact I think he sometimes did things on purpose just to keep me on the back foot! Because while I was so desperately trying to keep him how would I ever have time to think of leaving him!

Thanks Storm4star, yeah I thought that was odd that he should shut me down by saying that he'd end it. If the roles were reversed I would do everything in my power to make my DP feel secure, not threaten them. Also he's done the same as you had done, whereby he's denied saying things or that it didn't happen, it seriously makes you doubt yourself.

The questions you posted were very thought provoking, thank you. I would end it yeah, I abhor cheating and deceit and if I KNEW for sure, that would be it.
Currently he brings me a bit of company on a weekend. Financially I'd be better off without him and my social life would improve as no one visits because of him.

I too spend so much time looking in his direction, I'm not putting anything into looking at myself. I don't look my best and I can't seem to care, I feel a bit detached apart from when I get the gut wrenching anxiety. Thanks for reading and being so understanding. I will think more about the questions you asked and focus on myself to help me think clearly and gain some confidence again. Thank you Storm4star

You're very welcome
You can always pm me or post more on here if you need to talk. It sounds to me like you really don't need him and you will get your strength back. You deserve better than this and I think you know that too

Sadly I met a guy through bumble whose idea of a date was calling me to wank on WhatsApp... I think he had s fetish and wanted you to watch... I did not but he kept begging.

He's putting his phone face down because he is worried about Notifications coming across his phone and you seeing them . He needs to start switching them off ! He could be messaging another woman and sexting and wanking at the same time - it happens.

You mentioned him updating a dating profile , I actually think that is all the proof you need. A dating profile doesn’t automatically upload new pictures from Facebook (if we are talking tinder) even if the accounts are linked or not .

Get rid of this shit head op otherwise he will leave you at some point , on HIS terms. He is no prize , he will be the same wanker to the next girlfriend he finds. Get your ducks in a row and ditch him. You are worth so much more xx

Your statements alone about your social life and finances would improve if he left makes me think that if the only reason you’re with him is because he’s company is setting a very low bar for yourself.

I don’t have an issue with masterbation at all but i would have issues with him paying for it, or wanking to a real person via WhatsApp. His total attitude toward to is awful, threatening you with finishing the relationship and if you mention it again is an awful thing to say, and he’s using it to stop you asking him. That to me would be enough of a reason to leave

Why does he have a dating profile anyway if you are in a relationship? Surely he would have deleted it when you got together seriously??

I use WA a lot and have my time stamp turned off. For various reasons really, but tbh i use if for work as well and i might only read those messages later but my private ones earlier iyswim. So I dont want them seeing I was active and not read theirs.

This doesnt sound like a good relationship for you OP.

Thanks again Storm4star, May take you up on the offer of PM. Really pleased you recognised the situation wasn't good and didn't tolerate it.

Really sorry to hear about your experience Seriousquestion09. I hope my partner isn't doing the same. This is precisely why I asked about ALL of WhatsApp's capabilities and what people use it for other than just messaging.

Funicorn, that's exactly what I'm hoping he isn't doing.

Thanks for your reply Fuckitpassmethewine I think you're right and at the time I told him I didn't believe his excuses but he somehow managed to get me to back down or back off. Now I'm in limbo wondering what the hell I'm doing and wondering who he is, whilst experiencing anxiety about what he does and if he's lying to me.

Thebluedog - Thanks for relying and your help. It's not just the bit of company that keeps me from chucking him, we have kids and I feel like I'm wrong all the time. I don't want to make the wrong decision. Logically I know it's not a good situation but the rest of me is confused which holds me back from being proactive.

That's how I feel about WhatsApp too. I have no issue with masturbation but if he is communicating with someone to wank whether paying them or not, I'd want him out.

Isthismylife - Thanks for the response. He didn't delete any of his dating profiles when we got together, he just deleted the apps from his phone. I wasn't aware (at first) that he even had any dating profiles so there may still be some out there that I'm unaware of.

Sarahjconnor - Thanks for answering. I must admit it bothered me but I wasn't sure if I was overreacting.