My marriage is in pieces. I have mentioned some of the issues on MN before using another name. We are struggling with the fallout from his "affair" with a colleague. Not full blown but definitely emotional and kissing and now over. But they still work together.
But this situation has just brought everything to a head. Namely the way he treats me. So I have had years of it - emotional abuse and angry tempers involving punching of walls and household items / smashing items. Never hit me and i believe he never would. He pushed me once and said "feel like killing you!"
Lots of this several years ago but still recent / very recent tempers / swearing at me / emotional stuff.
When I mention all this and say I don't like it this is his response ... "Why mention stuff from years ago?" " you don't forgive". "I don't do it often." "you saying i'm a violent husband?!" "I'm not that bad"
Yes of course he can be very loving and good but not all the time. He often says "you don't know what goes on in other homes" "I've said I'm sorry".
He makes me feel guilty with some of these comments about forgiveness. These comments also apply to the affair situation which I'm struggling to get over. Some days I say ok I forgive / I will try to move on. Then I change my mind especially when he is horrible to me and now he says I'm being unfair to him. I keep trying to be honest with him. One part of me wants to just walk away completely.
We started couples counselling but because I disclosed some of his behaviours they will no longer do joint sessions. He has just found out about this and he is upset and cross.
It has helped me to be more assertive and straight with him. I have only recently talked about him being controlling and now I am saying more. I still haven't said "emotional abuse" but I am trying.
The counsellor and I have suggested he has individual counselling about his behaviours but he still isn't fully sure. He says he will go because I've asked him but then in a row he will say the opposite... "I've forced him to go!" He also says what will it be about and what's the point? He just doesn't seem to get it.
Have I been a fool to put up with his behaviour for so long. Why does he make me feel guilty for "Bringing up the past?" Please tell me that it is not normal to tell your partner to f off and call them an f... sh ... bla bla (sorry for swearing)? I feel so anxious when he starts and so resentful about it all. So many posts I read on MN are so similar to my situation and they have helped me tremendously.