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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am 7 months pregnant and my husband says hes not as happy as he used to be and wants to be by himself.

110 replies

mrsfoster2010 · 16/07/2018 03:31

I am 7 months pregnant and my husband had been acting very distant with me and weird. The way he was acting made me feel like he didn't love me anymore and was making me act crazy. I even asked him if he was cheating on me. He finally broke down and told me that hes just not as happy as he used to be and that for right now he would just like to be by himself. For the past 5 days he has spent the night at a friends house. I miss him so much! I think he is sort of stressing out about becoming a parent for the first time, as this is our first child. We have been together for almost 4 years and he has always talked about having children with me! I am hoping once the baby is born he will change. Once he sees all the love and that we can be a family. I feel he is depressed and is struggling with the fact he is going to be a parent and loose some of his freedom. I am just feeling alone and sort of depressed. Has anyone went thru a experience like this?

OP posts:

Urbanbeetler · 16/07/2018 04:14

From experience, this sort of thing happens when their is another woman on the scene. I am so sorry you are going through such a nightmare so close to your baby’s due date. Do you have some real life support?

Scoopofchaff · 16/07/2018 04:24

No advice but I feel on your behalf op. This is so awful for you

You sound very sympathetic towards your DH which I am not sure he deserves. Someone needs to tell him that he needs to grow up and start supporting his wife and future child.

Character309 · 16/07/2018 04:34

Having been through something similar my biggest regret is to not have got to marriage counselling while there was still the chance.
Could you suggest this?

HollyGibney · 16/07/2018 04:45

My husband did exactly this when I was six months pregnant. I remember looking in the mirror and feeling completely trapped. Was my worst fear, late pregnancy and being left. Turns out there was someone else. I didn't find out till a few years later though. He stayed and we decided to "make things work" but his heart was never in it and I found out he cheated with her and anyone else who looked in his direction, the whole time.

I'm sorry OP, it's very hard. I hope you have people helping you in RL.

LuvMyBubbles · 16/07/2018 05:23

Yes I think other woman too
Can you check his phone?

Original poster

mrsfoster2010 · 16/07/2018 05:28

I have asked him if there was someone else and went thru all phone records and there is no one out of the ordinary other than a mutual female friend that he was talking to about our relationship.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsfoster2010 · 16/07/2018 05:28

He says he simply just want to be by himself and with friends for right now

OP posts:

Cherubfish · 16/07/2018 05:33

Whether or not there is another woman, he’s a selfish twat, OP

category12 · 16/07/2018 05:36

I think you'll find your instinct there's another woman is right. Of course he's denying it. I bet he's not really staying where he says he is.

Wallywobbles · 16/07/2018 05:40

Can you check where he's actually been. iPhones now record your whereabouts if I remember correctly.

PuddinginPerth · 16/07/2018 05:55

There is always someone else in these situations. Even if the person is just temporary. I remember when an ex did something similar (although I wasn't pregnant - but had significant family trauma). During one of the worst experiences in my life (when I needed him), he did the whole "I'm not happy". Basically, he wants out.

The only way I found out about the woman from his office was by going through the trash box of his work emails. He had been too clever and deleted his phone messages. However, he didn't bother to check his work trash box. It was all there; stuff about me, them having dinner together. While I was reeling from a relationship breakup he was posting dates they were having to facebook.

When a guy cries and says he is unhappy, it's already over. It's manipulative behaviour so that they can leave.

Whoknows11 · 16/07/2018 06:09

I was in exactly the same situation 3 years ago but was pregnant with our second child.

He said the same, he wasn’t happy and wanted to be by himself. I thought he was depressed.

Turns out he was having an affair with someone from work. I found her number in his phone under a different name and found some work emails. Of course he denied it for a few months and then they were official.

They had a baby within a year of him leaving and we’re now in the court process as I’d like to relocate and he’s trying to stop it!

My heart goes out to you as I’ll never forget the pain it caused me.

BirthdayKake · 16/07/2018 06:22

I'm sorry :( my ex husband did this too. I don't think there was another woman, but it hurt all the same.

He will realise that the grass isn't greener, and you will be happy x

Rosiepicnic · 16/07/2018 06:24

So sorry but im another one, with a similar story. Went through the whole 'im not happy' ' i need space' for a few months, twice he left me for a week or so & came back claiming he wanted to make things work.

I then found out he had been trying to contact multiple women in that time & was cheating with at least one of them.

My advice is to be cautious & dont ignore the alarm bells. I really hope were wrong

FreshHorizons · 16/07/2018 06:34

I would suggest marriage counselling- don't just let it ride.

Character309 · 16/07/2018 06:39

Marriage counselling

can it be worked through?
if not you can sort out things with a third party present, like : will he be at the birth/how much he will be around to share care of baby/finances etc

JellyBean31 · 16/07/2018 06:41

Who's the friend he's staying with?
why aren't they telling how selfish he's being?

It reeks of OW but even if there isn't his behaviour would be unforgivable for me... Why do his feelings trump those of his pregnant wife??

QuitMoaning · 16/07/2018 06:54

Similar story for me. Noticed whilst pregnant, told me when baby was three weeks old and that was that.

Few months before I found out there was another woman. He has never admitted overlap but when I look back at when I was pregnant, it was so obvious, I was a being taken for a fool.

However it was 20 years ago.

DownTownAbbey · 16/07/2018 06:56

I know you're hoping this is a blip and he'll be back soon. You need to protect yourself. Assume he's not coming back voluntarily and act accordingly. Don't waste precious time, energy and emotion worrying about his feelings. He's not worrying about you, is he?

I'm afraid I agree with pp who think OW. Of course he denies it. They almost always do. My exH did a similar sort of thing when he found out our DS was disabled. He had an affair with a mutual friend and now they're living together. They were seen by other mutual friends kissing before he left yet he still denies having an affair. They lie because it's easier for them for many reasons.

Whether he's having an affair or not this man has shown he can't be trusted to have your back.

LuvMyBubbles · 16/07/2018 07:05

What contact has he made?
Do you own your home?

Makemineboozefree · 16/07/2018 07:09

Can't imagine how horrible this must be for you, OP, but when you say there's a mutual female friend he's been discussing your relationship with? There's your prime suspect for the OW right there. Is she the friend he's been staying with?

Beebiesandcheebies · 16/07/2018 07:10

Character309 · 16/07/2018 07:18

What steps need to be taken to protect oneself in this situation?

trojanpony · 16/07/2018 07:20

It’s not what you want to hear but don’t ignore this.
I’d second marriage counselling and I’d stop being so understanding and scrabbling for ways to excuse minimisevwhat he had done - it is an utterly shitty thing to do and hugely damaging and hurtful to you
I would consider confiding in family because he is unlikely to wake up and change his mind sadly.

GeorgeIII · 16/07/2018 07:23

Mention of a 'mutual friend' raises a flag or two. Its quite intimate to discuss your relationships with a friend.

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