I am 7 months pregnant and my husband says hes not as happy as he used to be and wants to be by himself.

[mrsfoster2010]

I am 7 months pregnant and my husband had been acting very distant with me and weird. The way he was acting made me feel like he didn't love me anymore and was making me act crazy. I even asked him if he was cheating on me. He finally broke down and told me that hes just not as happy as he used to be and that for right now he would just like to be by himself. For the past 5 days he has spent the night at a friends house. I miss him so much! I think he is sort of stressing out about becoming a parent for the first time, as this is our first child. We have been together for almost 4 years and he has always talked about having children with me! I am hoping once the baby is born he will change. Once he sees all the love and that we can be a family. I feel he is depressed and is struggling with the fact he is going to be a parent and loose some of his freedom. I am just feeling alone and sort of depressed. Has anyone went thru a experience like this?

If he thinks he can swan off and enjoy the single life he needs a rude awakening that you expect a grown up conversation about how you can co-parent separately but equally.

If only pregnant women could get scared about the impending birth of their babies, hand over unborn baby to it's father and flounce off claiming to be unhappy and needing time on their own....

He pisses off every time there's a big challenge on the horizon because he CAN. He has taken you for granted for far far too long. Time to find your anger OP.

Hope you're feeling stronger.

He says he simply just want to be by himself and with friends for right now
Well that's just tough fucking tits!
HE planned a baby with you.
HE got you pregnant.
He doesn't get to check out when ever he feels like.
You most certainly can't and neither can he.
You did this TOGETHER.
You stick together.

Sorry but he's had his head turned.
I'd be out the door by now if I was you.
Why on earth are you putting up with this pathetic specimen of a 'MAN'????

Get to family and friends and start looking at your life as a single parent.
He won't step up.
The baby isn't even here and he's buggered off.
Realise your worth and tell him not to return - EVER!

He said he still wants to try and work on our relationship for our family

Tell him if he's serious then he should organise counselling for himself and/or both of you. Its not your responsibility to sort this out!

Another thought - if he really is feeling overwhelmed in some way by impending fatherhood - are there any sensible dads among your family/friends he can talk to?(I'm assuming his mate isn't one). And/or if you could do something like NCT classes together (though might be a bit late to join now) he would meet some other blokes in the same position.

I'd be out the door by now if I was you.

If he really won't accept his responsibilities (and esp if there does turn out to be an OW) it should be him that's out of the door. He can sofa surf, a pregnant woman/new mother can't.

I'd be out the door by now if I was you.

If he really won't accept his responsibilities (and esp if there does turn out to be an OW) it should be him that's out of the door. He can sofa surf, a pregnant woman/new mother can't.

What a selfish man. You're right OP focus on your health and your baby and don't beg him to come back.

Life with a newborn is bloody hard and exhausting and you can't be worrying every time life gets tough that he'll walk. That's not a marriage. I really feel for you being left hanging. If he can't cope now with the responsibility what happens when the baby is born?

Definitely stop begging him to come home.

Have you started maternity leave yet?

This makes me so angry. I would be furious with him for abandoning me at this late stage of pregnancy. It would turn me right off him.

I would actually send the text from above about splitting time with the baby and see what he says.

He should be begging you to come home.

Your husband saying he isn't as happy as he USED to be.... it would be funny if this wasn't your life.

Remind him you're not as thin, active and rested as you USED to be since getting pregnant...

Thoroughly immature and not the behaviour I'd expect from the father of my child. I'd be telling him to FIFO.

Ok, from a mans point of view, I’m just going to throw something in the mix.

My wife is a brilliant woman, she’s smart and sexy and I love her. But when she was pregnant she was rude, pig headed, derogatory, disinterested and being with her was as much fun as having a route canal. There many times I had to take a walk in the wee hours just to get some perspective.

Pregnancy isn’t the end game but for many men it’s essentially 6-9 months of being made to feel like a dick 24-7. We are aware you’re having a crummy time, but that doesn’t preclude us from having one too.

Men do need space in a way women don’t seem to need.

BUT! As a partner / husband, his job is to suck it up. He has a job and he should damn well do it. For a while the enormity of being a parent scared the crap out of me, and I was unable to tell my wife because the response would always be “try having a baby, then you’ll have something to moan about”.

I’m not saying this applicable because frankly it’s dusgus that he’s doing this 7 months in, that really isn’t cricket.

Men don't "need" space in away women don't. Men take/make space in a way women don't or can't. Socialisation, and domestic/caring responsibilities see to that.

In all honesty, the alarm bells should have rung when he did this before the wedding. Now he's done it again with a baby on the way shows he really doesn't want responsibility at all, and maybe he's written cheques he can't cash with you.

I think you should prepare for a life without him. He clearly is no support to you. You need him now and he's acted in his own selfish way of doing what he wants right now, no concern for you or the baby.

What if the baby is ever seriously ill? Will he desert you both then? What if you get very sick? The same? What if anything ever happens to you? Would he run off and leave the child to fend for itself?

I think you need to plan your life going forward without him, because clearly if anything happens, he's just going to run off.

I also think him talking with this other woman is suspect, but you said you didn't want to talk about that, so I won't go further there.

Im sorry he has done this OP - and yes, you might have heard enough of 'he might be playing away' but that doesnt mean it cannot be true? Yes, there could be many reason - but honestly, what sort of man does this to his pregnant wife, at a time where she needs him (possibly) more? Is this the sort of man you want to be with - so every life changing event, you can expect him with just walk out on you and your child for however long, because he needs space? Is this the sort of father you want your child to have? So he does as he pleases and you wait for him at home? He just wants to be with his friends? How old is he - 18?

Sorry OP - i know its not what you want to hear and im very sorry youre in this situation, but you need to think about what sort of man would do this to his family, and, soon you will have to think about your child, if this really is the type of father you want for him/her? Sports day - your husband 'needs time away'. Graduation - your husbands 'needs to be with his friends'. Would you be happy about that? You and your child are worth so much more. Dont let him treat you this way.

Women do need space too it's just we take the responsibilities of parenthood seriously!!

I used to crave space & time alone when my DC were tiny & it was so wearing not getting it. I used to wish I could disappear into the bathroom for an hour & lock the door (like my DH) but in reality you just get on with it.

That 'touched out' feeling is also pretty overwhelming!

OP I think your DH is being awful to you & I wouldn't be being sympathetic to him at all. I would start thinking about coping without him & get yourself mentally prepared for it.

Yes excuse me while I stop and cackle at the statement "men do need space in a way women don't seem to need".

Actually I’d also send Ford’s message.

It’s his child. He doesn’t just get to check out and leave you up shit creek.

Isn’t it funny how men need and deserve this break away from ‘being made to feel like crap’ by their irritating pregnant partner but the pregnant woman can’t just leave her fetus at home and have a break from pregnancy . Two to tango, he helped create the baby and he shouldn’t have a chance to run away crying when reality hits home. He’s acting like a baby himself and you’re being too soft on him, he needs to get a grip.

Well tough luck. The baby is going to be here so he can either look after the child on his own when it's his time with the child or with you if you're together. The baby is coming so he can't decide he doesn't want to be a dad. So yes, send him child maintenance calculations etc and see what he really wants.

Cambhusband- women need space as much as men do, we just tend to be more responsible and realistic and don't swan off when the going gets tough. I say this as a mum of 4 with two fathers. The father of my first child hasn't seen him in over 10 years nor given a penny towards him and the father of my other 3 cherry picks when he wants to parent using work as an excuse (but managed to find the time to watch any amount of sport he wants etc).
What a ridiculous thing to say. If I hadn't had had children with irresponsible dicks (who only showed their true colours when the kids were here) I would have loved the opportunity for a bit of occassional space instead of the 24/7 relentless duty that is parenting. FFS

OP I had that hope that once the baby arrived everything would be ok. It wasn't. I would prepare yourself for this not being resolved, either because there is someone else or because he's not interested in playing a proper role as a parent.

Perhaps I didn’t put that out in the correct fashion.

Men “need” ( and I use the term loosely) more time on their own, it’s just physiological, no more or less. I would quantify though that time on your own is not clearing off to the pub with friends and leaving you at home to do the heavy lifting.

I need my space, I’m a cranky git if I don’t get it, my wife in the other hand would live with her friends day in day out.

But again, to reiterate, it’s not a green light to clear off to the pub and leave you.

It’s disappointing to hear that the default advice is “tell him to clear off”. There a well known quote from Lucius Seneca: Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk.

Your dealings with him should be reasoned and measured, and if he can’t respond in the same fashion and take stock of his lot and deal with the issues at hand, well then that’s his loss isn’t it, because that’s he point at which you need to decide about putting the nail in his coffin.

So you like your own space and your wife less so. So not "men" in fact.

Men do need space in a way women don’t seem to need.

How convenient for you.

OP Your DH sounds like a selfish dickhead

I'd be so tempted to send the text @NotTheFordType typed up!

Honestly he's doing a really shitty thing and you know it @mrsfoster2010
He wanted a baby and actively tried for one with you and now it's about what he "needs" and he's shirking responsibility and the baby isn't even here yet!
He's not a teenager who got someone pregnant by accident he's a grown man, husband at that who made a conscious decision but is now completely letting you down and abandoning you AND your baby. He is clearly unable to put anyone above himself and is a piss poor excuse of a husband, he should be supporting you and making sure you're happy and comfortable during your third trimester in the big run up to meeting your LO but instead he's causing you not needed stress and upset because he can't sort his shit out.

I'd seriously consider making a decision and binning him as he's showing his true colours.

I can't imagine how much my OH would have to do in order for me to even consider taking him back after a stunt like that - if I'd even consider taking him back.

Cambhusband- women need space as much as men do, we just tend to be more responsible and realistic and don't swan off when the going gets tough.

Exactly. How convenient for the poster that he's convinced himself that women don't want their own space lol

That's also bollocks cambhusband. Just because your wife likes to be with friends more than you do, doesn't make men more needy of time alone. Plenty of women need time alone too.

And space away from constant demands is needed as much by both sexes, regardless of how you choose to have that space.

I'd be very wary of any man that gets cold feet at the two main events in your relationship so far, both of which he wanted and left too late to pull out from. What happens when there is an illness in the family etc?

To be worried about how your life is going to change is perfectly reasonable. To piss off leaving your pregnant wife worried sick about her and her baby is absolutely despicable and spineless so please take your 'space ' and sympathy cambhusband and shove it where the sun don't shine.