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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband wants to drive us to beach 1.5hrs with 6 year old son not wearing a seatbelt

84 replies

Santosc09 · 13/07/2018 23:37

Hi mum's,

Am I being ridiculous to be freaking out? Husband wants to drive us to the beach tomorrow 1.5 hrs all good there's 2 spare seats in our car and another friend has his car full with his family. My husband has invited 3 friends onto our car and says they'll carry our son on our lap.

I freaked out and said are you hugs no way are we risking our sons live to take another person. We can only take 2. He's angry and says I'm being over the top that it's only an hour drive and that I'm being mean to the extra person.

I said well that's all good but it's 1.5 hrs not that it matters and if there was an accident my son would be the one flying through the window and wtf is he thinking risking our sons safety for the sake of bringing an additional friend.

He said fuck it were not going anywhere and is now angry that I'm being complicated.

I'm 37 wks pregnant am I being ridiculous and my hormones are getting the better of me or am I right?

OP posts:
Burrumpeel · 14/07/2018 00:11

You are married to a halfwit. You are being totally reasonable.

CadyHeron · 14/07/2018 00:11

Nooooo bloody way would my kids be travelling in a car on a lap for any amount of time never mind that long!
He's being an idiot. Plus it's against the law anyway.

sprinklesandsauce · 14/07/2018 00:12

YANBU, it would be breaking the law, overloading the car.

If your DH doesn’t get that then he’s an idiot. Your child’s safety trumps doing his mates a favour.

GreenItWas · 14/07/2018 00:20

Shize. I would be looking askance at him every time he spoke after this OP. What a pillock. It's not 1972.

GreenItWas · 14/07/2018 00:22

There's a vid doing the rounds on FB with driver cam footage of the inside of vehicles during accidents and it is genuinely horrific. I had to watch it with no sound and from behind my hands.

FriendOfScarecrow · 14/07/2018 00:23

I seem to have wandered in to 1978.

Has he lost his fucking mind?

Ignoring the fact that its incredibly stupid, he will get pulled over.

Is he always this stupid? I couldn't live with that kind of stupid.

It he is worried about "being mean" he shouldn't have offered the car in the first place. Does the other person know they're responsible for acting as a seatbelt in an accident? Because they might not actually want to do that (assuming they aren't an idiot)

alwaysiero · 14/07/2018 00:24

He’s a special kind of idiot.

Fatted · 14/07/2018 00:24

I'm sorry, but your husband is an absolute fucking c* to put someone else above the safety of your child.

Does he regularly enjoy endangering the life of your children or is this an exception?!

GabsAlot · 14/07/2018 00:25

at the very least he'll get points and a huge fine think its 500 plus

dont want to say what the worst scenario is

what a moron

plominoagain · 14/07/2018 00:25

As a police officer who once turned up first on scene to an unsecured child who ended up in the footwell , dead , DONT . Not for a minute, not for a mile . Just don’t . It was nearly twenty years ago , but I still remember the mothers screams when she got brought out of the car and realised her little boy was dead . Mean ? Ask him how mean it would be to your child to put him on a mortuary slab . I’m sorry , that’s blunt , and dramatic , but you don’t want to be those parents . No one would . Don’t be the one wailing “ If only “.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/07/2018 00:25

Would you trust him driving your child anywhere OP if he is this cavalier about your child's safety?

FriendOfScarecrow · 14/07/2018 00:27

OH and remind your husband that in his time warp mind that there were far fewer cars on the road in the 70s and 80s than there are now.

We still have fewer deaths from RTAs, because you know, car seats, adn seat belts.

Danniz · 14/07/2018 00:30

I agree it's illegal and increases risk. But the risk remains slight, especially if you consciously take care with your driving. I spent my whole childhood being driven around in a car without backseat seatbelts, as did all other children. They're a fairly recent thing. So yes, your son should wear one. But freaking out is over the top.

Danniz · 14/07/2018 00:32

If you're going to be that dramatic, realise that driving is inherently dangerous, even with seatbelts. If it isn't absolutely necessary for any one of your family to drive, don't do it. A trip to the beach in a car, with seatbelts, presents a risk of a serious accident and is unnecessary.

Nubian22 · 14/07/2018 00:36

I am an ex-Insurance Manager and aside from being illegal, it invalidates your insurance! So, if he were to have an accident, your insurer would not pay out.

Imagine a case where people in another car were killed as a result of an accident with your husband, you could be fighting jail and legal costs that could run into the hundreds of thousands!

ineedaholidaynow · 14/07/2018 00:37

It's all very well saying take with your driving (which you should anyway) but what about another driver who isn't taking care rear ending you at speed? What happens then to the unrestrained child?

I would be doing more than freaking out if DH suggested that, which thank God as he has a brain, he wouldn't.

I assume the reason seatbelts came into being and then compulsory was to stop people dying in accidents, they are not just a way for Government to be controlling.

Ellie56 · 14/07/2018 00:39

Your husband is a twat to even consider risking his child.

As others have said it is illegal and dangerous to carry more passengers than there are seat belts. It would also invalidate your insurance.

BrinDiesel · 14/07/2018 00:42

Tip the police off and have them turn up 5 seconds into your journey.

If this is for real then your husband is a bloody liability. He needs teaching a lesson.

BoogieBomb · 14/07/2018 00:42

Just no.

AmazingPostVoices · 14/07/2018 00:45

I spent my whole childhood being driven around in a car without backseat seatbelts, as did all other children.

Danniz I’m in my forties and we always had seatbelts in the back. There’s all sorts of things that were acceptable in days gone by which are completely unacceptable both socially and legally these days.

OP in you position I’d be seriously wondering whether your DH loves your child or not.

melonscoffer · 14/07/2018 00:47

Obviously you husband is wrong. Very wrong and you should know so.

Apart from the danger are you really suggesting that cars full of adults and children go tomorrow in the blazing heat. Sounds like the journey from hell.

OkPedro · 14/07/2018 01:00

Seat belts are a fairly recent "thing" ffs
Why do you think that is?
Maybe we've realised how dangerous being in a car is?
My 9 yr old daughter is still in a high back booster
I've had stupid comments from people about my daughter being embarrassed still using a car seat..

Rather she was embarrassed than dead or seriously injured Angry

Danniz · 14/07/2018 01:13

But seriously, driving a car and being driven in a car is inherently dangerous. Wearing seatbelts likely won't stop your children from being killed or seriously injured if there is a bad accident, which is not unusual. So why does everyone think it's totally fine to have children (and ourselves) in the car all the time, going on completely unnecessary trips?

ResurrectedGoldfish · 14/07/2018 01:20

What an asshat!!! You’re totally in the right. No question.

Villanelle · 14/07/2018 01:21

He's a complete and utter idiot who is disregarding everyone's safety, especially your son's. Is he always so thoughtless and stupid? He has no right to be angry with you. :(

An unsecured person (or dog! Restrain your animals in the car!) becomes a wrecking ball in the event of a collision. If they don't go through the windshield then they we will be thrown about the car hitting everyone at great force that can not only kill them but other people. Look up the Julie Knew Her Killer seatbelt PSA.

I once reported a woman for driving while her friend held her daughter on her lap and the other child in the car wasn't wearing a seatbelt (he was looking out of the rear window and waving at me). She realised it was me and confronted me in public a few days later. She spouted all the usual rubbish that people say in these situations - it was only a short journey, her parents did it all the time when she was a child, she's an excellent driver, blah blah blah.

I believe most accidents happen close to home, within 5 miles. You could also be the best and safest driver in the world but you can't account for other drivers and their actions.

I hope your husband sees sense, OP.