Getting over being left for another woman

[flowerfairysummer]

My emotionally avoidant partner of three years moved out three months ago. He didn’t say why. He has now gone public with a new partner. Our 1 year old twins haven’t seen their dad since he left whilst he is playing happy families with his new partners four children.

I was starting to get my life together but have been totally floored to find out that this has been going on since before our twins were born. He has basically had two Facebook accounts, one showing his life with me and the other account (set up in his nickname ) showing a years worth of dates, going out, sleepovers (when he said he had to cover night shifts at work) and days out with her kids. A friend showed me, apparently some mutual friends had known all along.

I really don’t see how to move on from this. She is gorgeous, younger than me, and has a wonderful lifestyle thanks to her generous divorce. I feel consumed with jealousy. All the times he was working, visiting his mum, seeing a mate, he was really with her.

But on the minus side her dp is a lying, cheating cunt.

So he's not seen his children for 3 months and is playing happy families with her.

Some women have a very low bar. She's welcome to the cheater.

Get child support sorted out and let his family know what he's done. They should know they were used to cover his affair.

Get good legal advice.

I would ditch mutual “friends” who knew about it. And seek RL support.

She may be conventionally attractive but her behaviour is ugly. And your ex has shown he’s no catch.

That's just... despicably horrible. Unbelievably distressing. What support do you have? Your mum, friends? GP? Do lean on them now. Are you working? (Seems unlikely with year old twins). Can you get some time off?

You have your beautiful children to focus on, he will move on when he tires of her. Once a cheat always a cheat.
Look forwards, you have your whole life ahead of you.

Tbh you really do have to have a mental disorder to have two Facebook profiles like that and to be so public about all of it.

I am astonished by his behaviour. I would be extremely worried if I was his OW.

That was some double life he was leading. What a catch
He’s actually done you a favour to be honest. You will find your anger.
She may well be “young and attractive “ but what “prize” has she “won” ? You are well rid

chump lady website is really good

I read your OP with open mouth. I can understand how devastated you must feel - but as pps have said - she got a bad bargain with HIM.

Does she actually know about you and your family with him?

His family knew. They never said anything to me. They are supporting him with his new partner. I even saw pictures of his parents with them at a garden party at her bloody ginormous London pad (just before he walked out).

The other thing is that she appears to know very little about me other than me being an ex who he split up,with whilst pregnant. He has told an avalanche of lies about me to practically everyone to make me look like a bad partner.

What a bunch of cunts, the lot of them.

I have very little real life support. My mum lives abroad. I lost touch with a lot of friends because he made it impossible for me to see them. The ones I still did see have been very odd with me since he left, not wanting to meet up or chat. I suspect he has somehow turned them against me.

What a terrible betrayal. Sounds like his pathetic head has been well and truly turned. But what kind of moronic woman buys into this? It's hard OP but he is a total loser.

Your OP has left me a bit speechless

for you, and by the sounds of it you're well rid

I find it bizarre just how blatant he has been, I was never on his Social media etc as he said I didn’t need to be. I hate the thought of him being a devoted surrogate dad to her children. It leaves me thinking it must have been me and that his relationship with her will be a success. Maybe he treated me as he did purely becsuse he didn’t care anymore and wanted to be with her. He seems to be doing everything by the book with the attention she receives. I’ve had so many people side with him and view him as Mr Wonderful that it’s hard not to take it personally. Even some mutual friends had invited them to a bbq as a couple BEFORE he left me.

I will never understand the attraction to men who abandon their children! People walk away from relationships all the time but you have to be a particular kind of selfish towalk away from your children! She may be young and pretty now but that doesn’t last, he will move on to the next one in time! The best form of revenge is to be happy, love and nurture your children and don’t let the bitterness get to you

Those people are not your friends OP

It sounds like he has a personality disorder. Google narcissistic personality and see if it ticks any boxes. Seriously that level of deception while going ahead and having children with you, living a double life like that and presenting himself as “Mr Wonderful”with everyone else, with no empathy for you or his children, is not normal. As for his parents condoning it all, I have no words... other than the Apple does not appear to fall far from the tree.
It’s not you.
You said you were starting to get your life together. That’s good... you will get there again! Seriously this man is disgusting. You are so well rid of this nut job

That's one of the worst things I've read on here. I feel so sorry for you.
You have to keep going. Put one foot in front of the other and hold your head up high.

He is no longer your problem. Make some new friends and ditch those ones that didn't tell you. I could not forgive that level of betrayal.

What a cunt.

You are so much better off without him. His new partner hasnt discovered who he really is yet, pity her for that.
Meanwhile you can move on eventually with someone who isnt a deadbeat father, liar and cheat.
You are way better off, You just cant see it yet, give it time.

Thank you for all of your kind comments, it has helped. I was seriously doubting myself. I have moments of clarity where I see that he had been lying to me all along and obviously felt very little for me followed by panic attacks where I imagine them in bed together, kissing, doing all the things I thought were sacred to our relationship. My beautiful children and me are worth nothing to him, we’ve been replaced. The pictures of him with her four young children really hurt, I hate seeing him hugging them and seeing how attached they all are. Mine thankfully are too young to question things.

One of the last things he said to me the day before he left me was ‘You can always rely on me to be here for you’ when I was talking about my friends odd behaviour towards me.

He looks like the fucking cat that’s got the cream in all his photos, there’s a smirk there. Total arrogance.

Boy do I hope he gets some shit karma at some point!!!!

I’ve defriended/ blocked everyone that knew about this or who has been odd with me. There’s no point trying to repair friendships.