Getting over being left for another woman

[flowerfairysummer]

My emotionally avoidant partner of three years moved out three months ago. He didn’t say why. He has now gone public with a new partner. Our 1 year old twins haven’t seen their dad since he left whilst he is playing happy families with his new partners four children.

I was starting to get my life together but have been totally floored to find out that this has been going on since before our twins were born. He has basically had two Facebook accounts, one showing his life with me and the other account (set up in his nickname ) showing a years worth of dates, going out, sleepovers (when he said he had to cover night shifts at work) and days out with her kids. A friend showed me, apparently some mutual friends had known all along.

I really don’t see how to move on from this. She is gorgeous, younger than me, and has a wonderful lifestyle thanks to her generous divorce. I feel consumed with jealousy. All the times he was working, visiting his mum, seeing a mate, he was really with her.

I think the calls were going to torment me, I don’t think he really misses me in the slightest. I try to deal with my jealousy but it’s eating me up. I’ve had seven weeks of private counselling which I can’t really afford but I’m no further forward.

OP when i was going through a phase of obsessive thoughts about someone the one thing that helped was seeing a hypnotherapist. In the first session she gave me recording that I listened to every day sometimes twice a day. It works on the subconscious. Please see if you can see a hypnotherapist near. You only need one session for the recording which will be tailored to your situation.

Hope you feel better.

Wanted to add that I started to feel better after about a week of listening to the recording.

That’s a great idea, thank you Doin. I’ll look into it.

Thomas Hall on you tube has 8 hour overnight sessions to heal from heartache.

I'd move back to where your mum is tbh.

You need the support.

Yeh, he isnt supporting you.

I see our beautiful boys and it makes me so sad that he isn’t involved. I’m incredibly jealous of him being involved with her children instead of ours and can’t stop thinking of him in bed with her doing all the things I loved to do with him. I alternate between wanting to kill him and wanting him to hold me.

He'll cheat on her too . . .

Op it's so normal to feel what you're feeling.
He is a total and utter shit. I keep thinking of you and your little twins. It makes me emotional to think how he as a parent could bring himself to abandon his family is beyond me.

Please be kind to yourself. Obsessive thoughts are so exhausting. Mindfulness might help in the mean time. It will give your brain a break to focus on your breathing for few minutes.

Can you go out running or swimming at all? Both would help to break these obsessive thought patterns while you heal.

Something that could help might be to imagine them talking to each other in funny cartoon voices. I read this tip in an interview with a hypnotherapist as a way to help fix a broken heart. Imagine them talking to each other in silly cartoon voices and looking distinctly cartoonish. It's supposed to trick the brain into not taking them so seriously and be able to laugh at them rather than envy them.

Hope you feel better.

So, as if what he did in having an affair whilst you were pregnant and then leaving you with newborn twins and paying zero maintenance wasn't bad enough, he is now mocking you by phoning you, drunk, asking if you want a shag?
I've read about some shitty blokes on here before, but I think this specimen might win the prize for the biggest cunt of the lot.
It's early days for you, I know, but I promise you that one day (hopefully soon) you will realise what a big favour he's done you by getting the hell out of your life.
And as for those so-called mutual friends? They're almost as bad.
for you.

He is a classic narcissist. I know it won’t make you feel any better but he has hooked up with her for the money. All narcissists like to believe they have “upgraged”. Happened to me too.

Go nc with in laws. They are what is known as “flying monkeys”. Believe his shit and take pleasure in carrying out his wishes to curry favour.

Try to make contact with the friends he tried to distance you from. They are the ones he thought would open your eyes to his behaviour.

It may not feel it now, but once a narcissist is gone from your life, leaving a trail of devastation in their wake. You will get over this & life will be better.

Curlywurly, jeez. Upgrade. That’s the word he used when he met me. Talked about me being the most gorgeous woman he’d ever been with. That you upgrade when you meet someone new, get someone better than your ex. He said you never downgrade. I fell for it.

I would never ever engage with anyone who knew and didnt tell you, ever again. You have done well to be shot of him. Hugs x

There's no downgrading from him, he's got that right.

Im 6 months separated, and my STBXH hardly sees our children, he moved in with his OW not long after he walked out. If I could go back now, the things I wouldn't do, is wonder what they were up too, it just messes with your head. Don't worry about her age or looks, none of that means anything......and their rosey life.....it may not be all that either. Some day the honeymoon period will end, and she will see him for what he is, then he will be left with nothing. Its all about you and the kids now. Maybe the people who act abit odd, just don't know what to say to you? Ask them. But in the meantime, don't look at anything about them, don't ask.....block him, nothing pisses men off more, not knowing what you are up to, or thinking you have moved on without them. Make this time to be about you......and I promise it does get easier...…..make sure you contact CSA and also see what benfits you are able to get...I wish you luck.....when you are months down the road, you will be glad to be rid of him x

What an awful betrayal. I know it doesn't seem like it now but he has done you and your twins a huge favour as he is clearly a massive twat. Why a woman would want a man who can abandon his children is beyond me. I suspect he's been lying to friends and family. Possibly saying you split up before you did? They all sound as bad as each other

As others have mentioned he sounds like he has some sort of narcissistic personality disorder..google it and you might realise what he is. Chumplady blog is also a great place to get advice.

@barbaro that isnt true. I have similar story to op except much much worse what he did to me amd is still doing. We have 4 kids together and 3 years later he is still with the ow who was my daughter's best friend and 27 years his junior. Daughter is still best friends with her and it kills me. He is on paper a multi millionaire and this is only reason i can think she is with him ? We were together 25 years and had 4 kids. He discarded me like a piece of shit and it kills me every day that he replaced me so easily amd seems so so happy ? Im still trying to divorce him and get a financial settlement but its taking 3 years plus because he has stalled and made it impossible. Currently awaiting valuers report for his business. I don't speak at all to him now and i hope the pair of them rot in hell. Wish i could post my story but its far to revealing and shocking. Can a huge age gap really work ? She is so young and has no idea how she ripped a family apart. My wish is she gets pregnant and traps him cos he cant xope with babies and was never there for me as worked 7days a week every day of year ( own business that is way of life rather than offive job etc ) i hate hate hate how they have ruined my life and appear so happy. I wish she would dump him so he can experience same pain. Id never want him back EVER but i want him to realise what he has done to our family. God I'm pathetic. Will i ever get over the hurt ????