Getting over being left for another woman

[flowerfairysummer]

My emotionally avoidant partner of three years moved out three months ago. He didn’t say why. He has now gone public with a new partner. Our 1 year old twins haven’t seen their dad since he left whilst he is playing happy families with his new partners four children.

I was starting to get my life together but have been totally floored to find out that this has been going on since before our twins were born. He has basically had two Facebook accounts, one showing his life with me and the other account (set up in his nickname ) showing a years worth of dates, going out, sleepovers (when he said he had to cover night shifts at work) and days out with her kids. A friend showed me, apparently some mutual friends had known all along.

I really don’t see how to move on from this. She is gorgeous, younger than me, and has a wonderful lifestyle thanks to her generous divorce. I feel consumed with jealousy. All the times he was working, visiting his mum, seeing a mate, he was really with her.

What utter cunts!

Is there something you can try focusing on at all? Like maybe something you've always wanted to do like learn a new skill or language or sport? You'll be doing something you enjoy, hopefully making new friends and it'll take your mind off things.
I know it's hard to see right now but your so much better off out of it! Lucky for you your still young, the person you deserve will come along and you'll be a much more stronger person when it does

They are all vile cunts. Glad you blocked the lot of them.

It will take awhile to get over that type of betrayal and deception.
Yeah, mine was living a double life online.

She landed herself a lying cheating twunt. That's her prize. She's clearly has issues too to go for this.

It doesn't seem like it now, but you are well rid of the lot of them!

Good work blocking people; you do not need to engage with anyone who doesn’t actively make your life better/easier/more fun. Relationships that make you feel less, whether friendship or romantic relationships, are a waste of your energy.

I agree it sounds as if he has a personality disorder.

And I agree that you need some new friends - babies can be a great way of connecting with others if you’re able to get to local toddler groups/mum and baby classes at the gym/toy library/whatever. Lots of mums are lonely but shy: reach out and I bet you’ll find women who want to catch up for coffee.

The OW is going to see the after effects of being with someone who cheats soon enough - when the gloss is off he'll be up to the same thing again. It's hard to see now but the same problems you had will be repeated - right now is probably the best time she'll have because a cheater is only out for themselves

I'm sorry OP :(

Also he sounds totally abusive - the double life, isolating you from friends etc. You and family will be better off without him around to keep hurting you

What Asleep said!

If she's gorgeous she will have plenty of offers;chances are she will soon get bored-her first marriage didn't last long.

* I lost touch with a lot of friends because he made it impossible for me to see them. The ones I still did see have been very odd with me since he left, not wanting to meet up or chat. I suspect he has somehow turned them against me.*

This is going to be harsh OP but I suspect it has nothing to do with your ex and all
to do with how you treated your friends prior to your breakup. You can’t just drop people when you was in the relationship and then expect them to be there for you when your relationships break down. It doesn’t work like that.

He won't stay there long. She has 4 kids. That alone will split them up, he won't handle it. The excitement of the affair will die soon and looking after another man's 4 kids will get old quick.

Don't be angry at her, pity her and really pity her kids. She's happy to introduce a stranger to them who she knew has a family and had a partner and move him in quickly enough. She's nothing special.

greendale 17 Didn’t you see the OPs post: he made it impossible for me to see them Talk about kicking someone when they’re down!

@greendale17 that's a crap comment to make with all the op is dealing with. Her ex is clearly an unbelievable twat so quite easy to believe he would be behind her losing some friendships. I've seen it happen plenty of times.

Op you have had a lucky escape. It won't feel like it now but anyone who can behave how he has will only ever leave misery in his wake. I have twins myself and it's such hard work at the age yours are that you won't get time to wallow too much. Look at them as the only good thing he'll probably ever do.

I'm really sorry for all the hurt you've been going through, it's just about one of the shittiest things I've read on here tbh

So basically he has told her you and him split up when you were pregnant? Could he have told his parents and others that? That's why they are behaving oddly? They think you were just co habiting to care for the kids?

On his Facebook that showed his life with you, what exactly did it show? Did it say you were in a relationship over the last two years since it started with her?

He will probably do the same to her at some point as he obviously has no loyalty.

He is portraying a false persona on his FB. Those four kids are getting a “Disney Dad” act op. When the reality hits and the everyday hum drum of real life starts to deep in to the “fairytale” it will crumble.
The best revenge you can have is to move on when you feel stronger, move on emotionally and mentally. Find your happiness and self belief again

I realise I have let some friendships slide, it was easier. I’d arrange nights out , organise for him to have the boys and then he’d disappear last minute just as I was due to go out so I had to stay in. Or cancel the babysitter. The few times friends came here he’d create an atmosphere, stomp about and people left pretty quickly. But the people I just met at baby group etc seem to be very strange with me, I can’t put my finger on it.

I don’t know how much his social media shows of me as he has blocked me, I was more interested in getting a good look at his alternative life when the opportunity came. We aren’t married. He has apparently given up his job and is being funded by her.

I don’t know how much involvement her ex has, I know she is financially well supported and kept their large central London house in the divorce.

Wow, that must be very painful.

But she has ''landed'' a man who cheated and lied for a year, a man SO duplicitous he created a fake facebook account, and he kept this deceipt going for some time. She's got herself a keeper!

Also, maybe the house has to be sold (her house) when kids are 18. i doubt she 100% owns a mortgage free house. Probably a big mortgage on it AND it has to be sold.

How do you move on when you feel so embarrassed and upset? I’m barely holding life together right now and am so behind with everything. I look after the twins, sleep, feed them but can’t sleep and have little appetite. Food just takes awful. I’m trying to keep busy but I can’t focus, not even on tv. I’m sat here watching the football and all I can think of is them watching it as a little family unit followed by them going up to bed together. I keep looking at the pictures I can get access to and realise he never wanted me. He seems to really love her.

All the feels from me. EXH actually had the brass neck to tell me he wanted a double life and would I like to be OW when he went to live with the replacement. Needless to say, he was told to fuck off.

Good god Blueangel, I’ve heard it all!!!

He’s probably with her becasue of her money - Sorry OP, he sounds shit. When the money has run out, he will move on. Thankfully you didn’t marry the fool. I know it’s hard now, but with time, you’ll find someone worthy of you and your children To love. Not this guy.

I’ve been then with DS1 DF when he left me for OW they didn’t last very long the honeymoon period will be over before long op honestly.

If he really loved her he wouldn't have led a double life so long, he's probably incapable of real love anyway. He's had his head turned by a swanky pad and being able to stop working. I would be willing to bet money on this not lasting more than 1 Christmas.
We already know he's a shit dad, a compulsive liar and a coward. Not exactly what you'd put on a dating profile is it.

Allow yourself time to feel hurt and angry but do not allow yourself to ever feel that you weren't good enough - you were and are far too good for him.

OP that is fucking horrendous

I never put too much on Facebook but I would tag both his profiles and tell everyone how he has behaved and mention that those who knew of his arsehole behaviour could fuck off also.

He's despicable and his family are unmentionable.

I know it's really difficult op but while you are torturing yourself with pictures of them together you are not going to be able to heal.
I've been there and it's like a scab you keep picking while knowing you shouldn't, but once you do you can start to get on with your own life.
The way he has treated you is appalling and the sooner you find your anger the better.