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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Outstayed his welcome

107 replies

Northernclementine1 · 08/07/2018 18:50

I've been dating a guy regularly since May. He came over to hang out on Friday, stayed to watch the football yesterday and is still here now. He has insisted upon cooking for me several times this weekend (the same meal).

I'm a real introvert which he knows and have had zero time to myself this week. Feeling really stressed because of it. I've very strongly hinted for him to leave, saying I need to get ready to meet a friend but he just asked whether he was invited. I said no but his response was that we'd leave at the same time. I let him know yesterday I was meeting someone today and have made strong hints all day that it's time for him to go.

I know I should just tell him outright but i feel really bad kicking him.out as we had a convo yesterday in which i told him about being raped in the past and he was kind but started being pushy about getting a private detective involved to try and get the person charged. I dont really want to do.that as it was years ago and i dont remember key details so feel realistically there would be a low chance of conviction. Plus i doubt i could afford it and also I have a fairly good life now and just want to move on. I need time to mull over having revealed that to somebody. Sorry, I know that's not really relevant to getting a guest to leave, I just feel incredibly stressed out now and was looking forward to most of Saturday and Sunday to myself after a busy and social week.

I only invited him over for Friday night really.

Please, how can I politely ask someone to leave??

OP posts:
bluetrampolines · 08/07/2018 18:51

This isnt working for me. You need to go now.

Pratchet · 08/07/2018 18:53

Tell him to leave and don't feel bad. He doesn't feel bad about you. Return the favour.

Whocansay · 08/07/2018 18:57

I would just say that I wanted some time to myself and it was time for him to go, personally, If you don't want confrontation, just go out so he has to leave with you and go home again.

His feelings don't trump yours you know. Be assertive!

rollingonariver · 08/07/2018 19:00

Maybe say you need to get ready for work tomorrow ? I totally understand it's not easy to just ask someone to leave.

NynaeveSedai · 08/07/2018 19:01

Fucking hell!
Just tell him is time for you to get on with your weekend and then never see him again!

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2018 19:01

You've got very little time left! It sounds like he doesn't respect your views very much.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 08/07/2018 19:04

I had a friend who did this. Once told her I had to go out, put all dc in the car as she left. Drove round the block and came home!!

TeachesOfPeaches · 08/07/2018 19:06

Sounds like you're scared of confrontation OP. Do you have a friend who could help you get rid of this cocklodger?

Northernclementine1 · 08/07/2018 19:06

Wow. He's just picked the lock and come in as I'm having a bath. Told him to get his stuff and leave. Dont mean to sound dramatic but I feel a bit violated by that. We havent been playing practical jokes on each other, he just wanted to come in and 'help do my back'. I didn't kick off or anything
Hope that wasn't overreacting.

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 08/07/2018 19:10

Damn right it wasn't overreacting.
If you wanted him in there you wouldn't have locked the door.
I don't like the sound of him one bit, he's controlling.

MikeUniformMike · 08/07/2018 19:12

Bloody hell OP, that is creepy.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 08/07/2018 19:13

No, you’re not overreacting. He doesn’t respect your space or your personal boundaries. I hope you won’t be seeing the ratbag again.

FinallyHere · 08/07/2018 19:14

Goodness, are you ok now?

Before you mentioned that he had picked the locks, i would have suggested you ask whether he wants a drink or coffee before he goes. Thats what i would call a hint...

DottyE · 08/07/2018 19:15

Is it wrong to open windows when staying with a relative, eg after taking a shower?

HollowTalk · 08/07/2018 19:15

Do you have a friend who could come round now, OP?

youbrokemytwatometer · 08/07/2018 19:16

Anything less would have been under-reacting!

What a creepy weirdo. Ugh, that gives me shivers Sad

KirstenRaymonde · 08/07/2018 19:17

Not overreacting at all, that’s really bizarre behaviour. I’d strongly suggest ending the relationship here, it can only get worse.

bastardkitty · 08/07/2018 19:18

You reacted just fine. He picked the lock...? Weirdo.

BettyBaggins · 08/07/2018 19:19

Wtf? Picked the lock.... Has he left now?

byanyothernamerose · 08/07/2018 19:20

Seriously?! Picking the lock is creepy!! You have not over reacted and well down for asking him to leave OP!

Northernclementine1 · 08/07/2018 19:23

Yeah I've no intention of seeing him again. To be honest inviting him over Friday night was to try and decide whether I wanted to continue things as he's been taking about exclusivity and I've not been at all sure. He's downstairs calling to me in this weird high pitched 'jokey' voice he does that weirds me out a bit! Argh!

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 08/07/2018 19:25

Fucking hell.
You told this man you had been raped in the past so he picks the lock to the bathroom to get to you at your most vulnerable!

FoofFighter · 08/07/2018 19:26

Huge red flags OP.
He's still there after you told him to go after bathroom incident??

Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2018 19:30

Picked the lock!? That is HORRIFYING. Kick him out and block him right the fuck out of your life. If he ever darkens your door, do NOT let him in or even open the door. What a freak.

VimFuego101 · 08/07/2018 19:30

YANBU at all, that's very invasive. Hope he gets the hint and leaves now; remember it's your house so don't feel bad about telling him firmly to go.