Outstayed his welcome

[Northernclementine1]

I've been dating a guy regularly since May. He came over to hang out on Friday, stayed to watch the football yesterday and is still here now. He has insisted upon cooking for me several times this weekend (the same meal).

I'm a real introvert which he knows and have had zero time to myself this week. Feeling really stressed because of it. I've very strongly hinted for him to leave, saying I need to get ready to meet a friend but he just asked whether he was invited. I said no but his response was that we'd leave at the same time. I let him know yesterday I was meeting someone today and have made strong hints all day that it's time for him to go.

I know I should just tell him outright but i feel really bad kicking him.out as we had a convo yesterday in which i told him about being raped in the past and he was kind but started being pushy about getting a private detective involved to try and get the person charged. I dont really want to do.that as it was years ago and i dont remember key details so feel realistically there would be a low chance of conviction. Plus i doubt i could afford it and also I have a fairly good life now and just want to move on. I need time to mull over having revealed that to somebody. Sorry, I know that's not really relevant to getting a guest to leave, I just feel incredibly stressed out now and was looking forward to most of Saturday and Sunday to myself after a busy and social week.

I only invited him over for Friday night really.

Please, how can I politely ask someone to leave??

Not sure if that makes sense!

Makes a lot of sense to me, as I would be wondering why someone was talking about the importance of consent rather than showing it in everyday life. It would suggest to me that they might have been taken to task about it, and understood that it was important to some people, just not integrated in the way they themselves deal with people.

Looking out for what they do, not what they say.

It's the same principle as 'you can trust me'. You shouldn't have to say it because it's implicit in your behaviour. If you have to say it, there's cause for concern.

Sorry to drag up an old thread here.

I just wanted to check that OP is ok? Did you get the locks changed and has he stayed away?

Hi Katgurl, absolutely fine, thanks for asking.

He's stayed away but texted to invite me for lunch yesterday. So he ignored my boundaries again even though I was very clear I didn't want to see him again.

I'd Blocked on WhatsApp but didn't realise texts could get through.

It's maddening. I was sure to explain clearly what he'd done wrong and how I felt, he said he was sorry and did respect me then in the end it's his needs coming first, again. Argh!

You’ve done really well!

Can I ask, have you managed to get any counselling support since your rape? I worry that you haven’t had enough support to recover from this as this guy is a clear piss taker in terms of boundaries and consent, as was the groper.

It’s important for you to have a really good conversation with yourself to remind yourself that ypu thought this Guy was arrogant, but decided to give him another chance

Your instincts were correct but you overrode them.

If it’s not right, if something feels off, you don’t have to go through with it. In fact, I’d recommend that you don’t.

You’ve clearly come through a lot, and you are so strong, listen to yourself and trust your judgement better.

I'm not surprised at all sadly. As another poster said, "never underestimate a cunt." Glad you're safe. Here's hoping you never see that nutcase again.

Thanks Hissy, you know what, I havent had any couselling or anything. I have always thought that there were other more deserving people and I would just be a burden on resources.

Beginning to think it might be a good idea though as clearly I have some way to go in asserting myself (although I am getting better). I suppose ive long thought that i don't really have the right to say 'no' and gone along with things i haven't really felt comfortable doing in the past. I couldn't begin to explain why I should feel and act like this when I'm adamant that nobody else should.